SAD

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

That is the definition from Mayo Clinic.  Mine usually starts end of September, but this year didn’t start til the end of October.  I actually thought it was gonna skip me this year.  Yeah, right, a boy can dream.

So, anyway, I am depressed.  Bipolar and SAD are a pitiful combination.  There ain’t jack medically they can do for me.  My therapist is out of town til mid-November and I am not going to talk to a sub therapist or do a video call with my therapist.  I am just gonna suffer thru this like I have every year.

It sucks, people still expect me to be normal happy Jeff, and I can put on a show of being normal happy Jeff, but inside I just want to crawl up in a little ball and die.  No, I am not suicidal, I never get suicidal.  I just wish that I was dead, big difference.


Teresa decided on which WoW character I am going to be playing with her hunter.  She chose my Warlock, not because the Warlock is better necessarily, but because he is a tailor/enchanter and won’t be poaching her metal mines.  lol.  She shot down my Fury Warrior and my Frost Mage cuz of the mines issue.  Oh well, I made it her choice.  Hopefully we will play our pair tonight.  I really do enjoy playing games with my wife, this will be a bright spot in an otherwise dark and dismal season.


Flexeril is still mainly keeping my back pain free as long as I don’t overdo things (like sit for 14 hours in the chair).  For some reason though, this morning my back hurt.  I’m 90% sure I took one last night before bed, but I could have forgotten it.  Anyhow, being mostly pain free is cool.  I can live with occasional breakthrough pain.  Would be nice if my pain doctor would give me something for the breakthrough pain.  Since my physical therapist said he couldn’t help me, that maybe just maybe, my pain doc will give me something.  But I am not going to hold my breath for anything.


I went back to the wiredclub bipolar chat today for the first time in a LONG time.  With the exception of 1 name, I didn’t recognize any other name.  But the 1 name was/is a good friend, so it wasn’t too weird, just a little weird.  I don’t know if I will be going back or not as of now.  It doesn’t help me to hear about other people’s problems when I am having serious problems myself.


I am finally over that NASTY cold.  Cough is minimal and dry, so I don’t think I am contagious anymore.  Physically I feel so much better.  The Zpack that online doctor#2 gave me did the trick.  Much appreciation of doctor#2 and more blah about doctor#1 saying 10 days before treatment.  She needs to look at the whole picture of my health, I gave her the history, filled out the seriously long online form.  She should have seen that I have had lung problems in the past and my white blood count is still not normal, so I have difficulty fighting off infections.  Not sure I am going to use the online doctors anymore, its only 10 dollars more to go to a in-person 3d Doc.  And Chris (my PA) is just blocks away.  Should have went to him in the first place.


The wind is blowing pretty hard yet again.  I wonder if we are do for another big storm?  No wait, we are due for snow/rain mix tomorrow night into Saturday, that’s right.   Snow is in the forecast.  BLAH.  I keep reading conflicting predictions as to what the weather is going to be like this winter.  Some are saying its going to be horrible, major snow and major cold, where others are saying its going to be the same as last year where it got cold a couple times and snowed a couple times, it was a nothing to complain about winter.  I am hoping for the 2nd choice, but I have a feeling deep inside that it’s going to be the 1st.  I hate the snow and ice.  I want to move to the Monterey Peninsula, California, where it stays in the mid-60s year round.  It’s just so expensive.  Gotta win Publishers Clearing House this December and bam we are gone from this one stoplight town.


Pucky and Mojo are both asleep under my covers as I lay here in bed.  They are like little space heaters, feels good.  But when they are both asleep and I am in bed, it’s actually really hard to stay awake.  And since none of the skype messages I sent out were returned, I guess there is nothing stopping me from napping with my pooches.


this song… for no reason…

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am a 47 year old dude, married to the most wonderful woman in the world. I am officially a 2 year survivor of AML Leukemia. I am crazy but love my life anyway.

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