More anxiety, Ruining Christmas, and D&D talk

Getting more and more anxious about going up to Mayo.  It’s not logical, it’s just my general anxiety disorder kicking in.  I know worse case, I know best case.  I know they aren’t gonna do anything unnecessary are specifically painful to me.  Just freaking out a bit on the inside.  Wish this week would pass quicker, couldn’t believe it was only Tuesday when I looked at the calendar.  Once it gets here and I up there I will be totally chill, its the waiting time that I get anxious during.  I got 6 days to go, well not even a full 6 days.

We got confirmed player #4 for my campaign tonight.  Just need 1 more and it’ll be a go in exactly 3 weeks.  I think we will have #5 tomorrow, but just have to wait and see, if not I think I can get a person off of reddit looking for group.  They seem to have quite a few players looking for game posts.  I still can’t believe out of the 10 I had in games before I could only get 3.  But hey, I kinda dumped on them as  a whole, so I totally understand not wanting to get into my new game.  But I warned everyone ahead of time that I will disappear during the fall and other times as needed.  It’s the best I could do.

Being Bipolar and suffering from SAD leads to not being the most reliable person.  I try to be, but it just doesn’t work out that way sometimes.  So it’s actually better that I run the games as opposed to being a player.  The game just doesn’t happen when I flake as DM, but as a player it forces the group to play 1 person short.  That’s not fun for the players or the DM, who has to adjust all his carefully planned encounters.

This is the first year that I have let Teresa play a lot of Christmas music without me complaining or mocking (much).  I guess I am mellowing in my old age.  Teresa told me last night that I killed Christmas for her over the years.  I feel bad about that.  She used to love this holiday, now she doesn’t really get into it.   We haven’t put up a tree in ages.  We barely wrap presents, this year I don’t think we are doing that even.  We don’t really have Christmas dinner (this year we are having Sweet and Sour Pork).  Nope, I took someone who LOVED everything about Christmas and made her grudgingly acknowledge it.  Teresa, I am sorry.  I know you won’t read this, but I really truly am sorry.

My mysterious cough is back.  Thought it was gone for good.  But NO, about a week ago I started coughing again.   Grrr, stupid stupid stupid cough.  It only happens at night, so I can’t get doc to see it.  At least my cancer doc writes me scripts for cough medicine.  I suppose my PA would write them too if I told him about my chronic cough.  But I keep forgetting to tell him.

Speaking of Chris, my PA.  We have a boat load of tests that were due in October we still haven’t gotten done.  I probably should set up an appointment.  I could probably get in during what is left of this week.  Its not like the Adel Mercy Medical Center office is a hugely happening place.  I am sure they get busy from time to time, but not to the point of not being able to get in same or next day.  That is one of the joys of living in a small town.

Get as much medical stuff done before the end of the year when deductibles renew.  I shoulda started sooner.









Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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