At least I feel pretty good…

We are slowly gathering the stuff we are going to need during the 100+ days we will be in Rochester after my transplant.  It’s a long list and luckily we have some time.  Teresa has decided she is taking her MAC with her when we go.  I don’t blame her, she needs an outlet to get away some too.  I, of course, will have my laptop which runs Skyrim which is all I will need in that arena.

It still seems surreal.  Can’t completely get my mind around having to stay up there for 3 months.  At least it’ll be during the spring and I am sure Rochester will be lovely.  It’s just that last time between hospital visits, I got to come home.  This time, home will be far away.


Oh yeah, for anyone who cares, https://www.gofundme.com/cancer-has-returned-we-need-help , I started a gofundme to try to get some help.  I feel like a total jerk asking friends and family and complete strangers for money.  But as I said yesterday, we are not going to be able to make it on what we have saved.  So, we gotta do what we gotta do.


We are hoping NOT to be called up to Mayo next week.  I think I need a break already.  The weather is supposed to be pretty bad between here and there for part of the week and I have made plans for the one good day of the week.  But if they call, we will go up there like a good little patient and caretaker and probably give more blood.  (my arm still looks like I have chiggers).


My mother-in-law has agreed to take our doggies for us while we are in Rochester.  She is driving the 11+ hours to my mom’s house, we will be driving the 6+ hours to my mom’s house with the dogs and then the dogs are going back with my mother-in-law.  It’s all good.  My nieces have wanted to meet Pucky and Mojo, and this will give them plenty of time to get to know them.


OK, due to my back problems, I lay in bed a lot.  I have now broken bed #4, this one lasted about 6 months.  In doing so, where I sleep has become very uncomfortable to sleep in, causing even more back pain.  Well, yesterday while napping, I discovered a weird angle across the bed, that doesn’t hurt my back.  I set it up with Teresa last night and I actually got 8 hours of sleep straight.  Miracle of miracles.  My back actually felt good when I woke up this morning.


You know what, I feel really good.  Kinda weird considering I have cancer.  I’m not particularly fatigued, I’m not whiter than normal, I have no weird unexplainable pains anywhere.  I feel good.


I am actually thinking that the virus I had at the end of December, beginning of January caused my platelets to crash and it freaked everyone out that my platelets got so low.  They were at 65 as of last Wednesday.  And I suspect they are going to go up further, back to the 90s that I was at before I got sick.  Now, if I had not gotten that virus, my platelets didn’t  drop,  I wouldn’t have traipsed up to Mayo, and this new cancer would never have been found, and I likely would have gotten sicker and died with the new cancer never being found or if found it would have been too late.


I’m slowly reading (the only speed I read at) all the pamphlets and papers that Mayo gave us.  They must have killed a small tree to print all this stuff.   Some of what I have read is pretty intense, but most is just information.  The book about stem cell transplants was particularly graphic in it’s descriptions of what is going to happen.  Look, I am all right with going ahead with the transplant, you don’t have to try to scare me into say no.  Really, when they start talking numbers, it’s a little scary.


Teresa is bummed about her work.  She has a bunch of big projects that she referred to as her babies.  Well, with her having to be my caregiver, her boss took all her babies away.  Now Teresa is going to be doing “boring and repetitive stuff”, when she can work.  Bah.  I feel guilty about this.


I have a lot of guilty feelings about this.  I know that these are illogical and wrong to have, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.  I know I didn’t ask to have cancer again, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling this way either.  I probably should go see my therapist, but we really can’t afford it right now.  That is going to be the story of our life for the next 5 or 6 months, “we really can’t afford it right now”.


Author: Jeff Campbell

I'm a 45+ year old AML survivor, now with MDS. About to go to Mayo for a Stem Cell Transplant. I also have bipolar disorder. Cancer and bipolar make for an interesting life sometimes. I have a wonderful wife of 25+ years who has been with me thru it all. Even with my problems, I pretty much love my life.

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