Wasting time in the morning.

It’s 6am on a Saturday morning and I am wide awake.  That is in itself depressing.  I wanted to sleep in today, I probably could have taken more ambien when I first woke up at 2:30 and then went back to weird dream sleep, but no I just crawled back into bed and fell back to sleep for a couple hours, then 6 o’clock hit, and wham wide awake.  This does mean that I reserve the right to a good solid nap later today at a time of my choosing.

Naps are an important part of my every day life.  Well, since I stopped using the CPAP (I didn’t nap when I CPAPed).  A good nap, one hour or more, during the middle of the day makes me happier.  Really, nothing needs to happen for an hour or so after lunch.  Time for a little siesta.  So today, I will nap.

Mojo is so funny on the mornings that I get up and Teresa stays in bed.  Everything is cool until I step to the other end of our bedroom (where the computer is) then he starts growling and barking (waking Teresa slightly) until I can bend down and let him sniff me so he is sure it’s me.  This has happened pretty much every weekend day since we moved the computer desk into the bedroom.  Pucky, being the mellowness of mellow, doesn’t hardly look up to see me go, doesn’t care in the least bit.

My platelets were 18 on Thursday.  I showed no petechial bruising.  Everything was fine.  Fast forward to today.  Don’t know what my platelets are.  Have some petechial bruising on my arms (where I always show first for some reason).  We are hoping I can make it up to Mayo on Friday without having to get a platelet infusion before we go.  And then just get one there.  Not that there is anything wrong with getting platelets here, just I am gonna be in Rochester with time to kill, why not fill that time with an infusion?  We shall see if I make it that far on the platelets that I have.

For those that have read along, I was to go to the dentist a couple weeks ago but felt like crap that day and cancelled.  Well it’s actually a good thing that I did cuz my platelets certainly weren’t 55 and it’s questionable if my neutrophils were 1500.  And lets just say that a lot of bad things could have happened in my mouth.

I’ll be so happy when this whole mess is done.  9 weeks, then 10 days, the 100 days.  that is IF I do not have leukemia now and have to have chemo before I can have the transplant.  That would add a few months on to the whole schedule.    I have already written on my brother’s birthday party and the 30th high school reunion, still holding out hope for Thanksgivingfest and the day after, but even that is looking more and more like a longshot.  This year is looking like a bust.

Along with PCH.COM and PCHSearch.com, I have started doing PCHLotto.  Still am not winning anything of value, but it’s giving me something to do for part of the day.  But damn they run a lot of video ads, one between every game.  And there are like 40 games.  So, I am writing this blog while the video ads are playing.  I figure one of two things will happen, I will win something or I will get too bored playing these same games every day.  Either way is cool with me I guess.

Welp, I am still fairly depressed.  I don’t show that to Teresa very often.  Have to be strong for her, but since she doesn’t read my blog and the people who do I can trust not to tell her, I’ll admit it here.  According to everyone I have every right to be depressed about what is going on.   Who wouldn’t be depressed about a 2nd year of their life being stripped from them by Cancer?  It just sucks, plain and simple sucks.  I’d go into survival information and 5 year survival information, but that is just too depressing to think about in general, just leave it an not great.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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