Too much but not enough information

I think waiting to know if one of the potential donors can and will be a real bone marrow donor is worse the waiting of just not knowing.  I know they told me about the donors to help keep my mood positive, but what they achieve was making me fret more.  I hate waiting, I hate not having a clue how long it takes to find out, seriously, I just hate this.  I would have rather been 9-10 weeks for the whole thing maybe sooner as opposed to “there are 2 potential donors” but we won’t tell you how long that it’s going to take.  Bah.  The anxiety is so bad its actually affecting my mood, my mood is going up and down.  Not the best thing to be having bipolar issues right before I have to go before the cancer psychiatrist and prove I am mentally strong enough to go thru this.  Anxiety caused by knowing, but not enough.  Bah.

I haven’t played Skyrim is a few weeks, just haven’t been in the mood.  It happens.  I still think it is the best game to come out in years, and I am sure that I will be going back to it soon.  I just needed to take a break.

Yesterday, however, I started playing Civ4 Warlords again.  Couldn’t get a start that I liked, but I screwed around starting over and over again and again for a few hours.  Perhaps eventually, I will get the start I want and maybe beat the game on Conquest without nukes.

Today, I ordered Railway Empire.  If you ignore the ratings on Amazon, it’s supposedly a really good game.  Kinda like Railroad Tycoon on steroids.  I love railroad games.  I don’t know why, I just do.  This one if supposed to be really stand out pretty, and very in depth as far as managing your empire.  So I am very much looking forward to this game.  It’ll be here on Thursday around 10am.

I watched WWE Fastlane yesterday.  I can honestly say, it was one of my favorite PPVs of the year and if you go back a year and see my review last years Fastlane, I liked that one too.  Fastlane is still s stupid name for a PPV.  But hey, WWE had to come up with like 14 PPV names, they couldn’t all be golden.  Anyhow, as I was saying, Fastlane was a good PPV.  It wasn’t nearly as predictable as many of WWE PPVs, which is always a nice thing.  And whereas I am happy that A J Styles is going to WrestleMania to face Shinsuke Nakamura for the title, I did not like the ending of the 6 pack challenge.  The booking of Shane McMahon getting involved with the match was just STUPID.  Beyond the last match, I thought it was all solidly done.  Oh wait, I forgot that bit about the Bludgeon Brothers destroying the Uso brothers and the New Day, that was pretty lame.  I don’t care for the Bludgeon Brothers gimmick, I like both the wrestlers, but the Big Brute gimmicks are just lame.

John Cena just got thru challenging the Undrtaker for WrestleMania.  A part timer vs a retired wrestler.  YAWN.  But I guess they ran out of ideas for John Cena.

Beyond that match, I think I am looking forward to WrestleMania this year.  I have not always been able to say that.  It should be a good show this year, even if it’s gonna be pretty predictable in the big match category.

I hope to either be thru the transplant or not in the hospital for WrestleMania.  Again it goes back to just having zero idea of what is going on with the donors is annoying as all Hell.

I have been fighting the flu the last few days.  Not entirely sick, but not entirely well either.  I can’t afford to get really sick right now, but I guess now is better than in a couple weeks.  So, I will take the coughing and hacking right now I guess.  Just wish my body would decide I am sick all the way or not.

So, here is the deal.  When I find out anything, I will let you all know both in this blog and on Facebook.  I know those of you who care really are waiting with me.  So, you all with be 3rd or 4th to know.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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