Too much Anxiety is not a good thing

Anxiety has been a total beast today.  To the point where it’s making me physically ill.  I’d puke if I was able to (long story as why I can’t puke).  I just want next week to be over.  24 tests of appointments in 4 days is a lot.  I think a normal person would be feeling some anxiety over this, and I am far from normal.  For the new readers, I am bipolar and have a plethora of anxiety disorders, this is a big deal for em.  Anyhow, I know it has to be done, so I will do it.  Anxiety be damned.  I took an extra clonazepam today which has helped a little but makes me so fricking drowsy.  Bad enough to have cancer fatigue but to add med fatigue to it, it’s being rough staying awake.

Teresa is going to Palmer’s Deli to pick up dinner.  I’m not a huge fan of theirs, but hey gotta let Teresa get the dinner choice win from time to time, right?  I am getting what they call a sub, which is hamg, turkey, salami, lettuce, tomatoes and red onions (I think that’s it.  I get it -red onion and plus mayonnaise.  Oh, it’s served on ciabatta bread, so it’s all good.  Plus is get a huge rice krispie block, so it can’t be all bad.  Might have ordered soup tonight but Teresa has to stop at the store tonight, so whatever we got had to be able to sit out in the 20something degree weather for the time she is at the store, so no soup.

Still very happy about the nothing necklace Teresa got my for our anniversary, sometimes soon I will post a picture.  Just being lazy about taking a picture right now.  I mentioned this necklace the other day.  A little history this time.  My original nothing necklace was bough around 1993 when I was buying accessories for my SCA garb.  I decided I liked it and began wearing it just about everywhere.  For years, if you saw me I had on my nothing necklace.  At the time the nothing necklace was a bronze ring on a leather necklace, Keria (my chow at the time) ate the leather, so it was replaced by a strap of lingerie.  I wore this for a long time, not quite sure why I took it off or subsequently it got lost.  But lost it is for now.  A lot of memories are attached to that necklace.  Mostly good ones.

Come our 25th Anniversary, Teresa went and bought me a solid silver nothing necklace.  Just a silver ring on a leather necklace.  Memories came flooding back, like I said mostly good ones.  It means so much to me.  I love her so much, I can’t love her more, but if I could I would for getting met his necklace.

Tomorrow I am gonna watch Supercard of Honor on the Honorclub by Ring of Honor.  Should be a really good show.  I am actually thinking I might be more looking forward to this wrestling PPV over Wrestlemaia on Sunday.

Sunday is the biggest card of the year for the WWE.  Unfortunately I won’t get to watch all of it live cuz even though my ipad has cellular, there are cellular dead spots on the way.  But they put it on the WWE network a couple days later, so its all good.

I had to bail on my first book attempt.  It was good while it last 7500+ pages, but it was too tough to write about Washington DC without having exacting knowledge of the area or at least having been there once.  So Bryan McKinley will never be there hero he deserves to be.

I know I said the Orcs, and Elves, and some such was BORING.  But hopefully my new book attempt won’t be rehashing what has already been hashed.  My new book, so far, is about an Orc who got knocked out and missed the whole battle.  I am only 750 pages into this one (having started it today while dealing with a lot of anxiety).  But it’s flowing pretty good in my opinion.  At this point I have no idea where he is going, but hey, he’ll tell his story.

The updated weather for our trip Sunday is the same as it was.  Snowy and Windy the whole way.  Gonna take us 5 hours I bet to do the 3 1/2 hour trip.  Not looking forward to the ride, so glad Teresa does the driving.  Did I mention that the Winds pick up the further north we get.  Yay rah.

I have 24 tests or appointment in 4 days next week.  A lot of rushed meetings.  But it’s all good, most are in the same buildings.  I am dreading the bone marrow biopsy #9 and the Spinal Tap the most.  I am curious to see what a cancer psychologist will have to say.  I still wonder what happens if I fail one of these tests, do they tell me No transplant and I am just doomed to die from AML?  Interesting question.

I haven’t played any games for a few weeks.  Just having felt like it.  I’m chatting with my bipolar buddies a lot more over at Edwinas.  And on Thursday nights I do my Acute Leukemia chat.  Sleeping a lot, so I get up and start writing or have lunch and then start writing.  Today was just weird cuz of the Anxiety.

Well, Teresa should be home soon, so I’ll go now.  Music this time….

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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