A Bunch of Babble

Still dealing with this stupid depression.  Stupid stupid stupid.  I know I have nothing to really be depressed about, but I am down.  I don’t think Teresa’s hypothesis (which I mentioned yesterday) is a factor in keeping me down.  It might have been the trigger, but it’s pure bipolar crap that is keeping me this way.  I should be in a good mood, I am getting what I wanted, but no, I am down in the dumps, thinking the world would be better without me in it.  No, I am not suicidal, I never get suicidal, I just got really down depressed, which is where I am now.

Furthermore, I know if I came off my Nimodipine this mood would flip in a heartbeat or two.  But I am not that stupid.  Cycling like a madman is not preferred over being depressed.  Just another crazy thought that goes through my head when I am down.  Heh, my filter must be off today.  Don’t mind me, I’m just the crazy guy in the corner wishing he wasn’t alive but not going to do anything to reach that wish.


I did go to lunch with my good friend Drew.  Yes, finally, the lunch we scheduled months ago finally happened.  Beirman Furniture (the business furniture store he works for) picked up the tab…  Thanks Nate.  We did go to HuHot and it was exceptionally good today and not very crowded.  So we had a nice lunch and a nice chat.  I almost forgot I was depressed, hanging out with my friend was good for me.


Then the dryer vent cleaner guy came.  He was a really nice guy.  If you live in central Iowa, then use Central Iowa Duct Cleaning, Gary is a stand up guy, did a great job, came out next day and didn’t charge extra for coming out to Adel, and his flat rate (including tax) was 106.00 dollars and he really had to work for it on our dryer vent.  Two major plugs, it took him almost a whole hour to unclog our vent, but now air flows through cleanly.


Now, after playing happy for a few hours today, I am feeling drained.  I am thinking of taking a nap between when I finish this blog entry and when Teresa gets home.  I don’t normally take naps this late in the day, but today I might just do it.


Well, I heard back from Mayo, May 17th is Transplant Day, Day 0.  Which makes the 8th day -9, when I first have to show up at the hospital to take some anti-seizure pills.  2 days of pills, then 5 days of 1 chemo, then 2 days of the other chemo, then a day off, then the transplant.  Then we find out if I have to have extra chemo after I get the transplant.  I hope not, that would truly suck, but Dr Alkhateeb has mentioned this possibility several times.


May 17th also is the day that the dietician people rescheduled the class from May 3rd.  DOH.  They obviously didn’t look at my schedule when they rescheduled the class.  Well, the class is mainly for Teresa and I will be having a lot of prep before the transplant, so maybe she can go while I am getting prepped.  Or maybe then can move it til the 31st when it’s offered again if they really want me to be there for it.


We are going to try to leave here the evening of the May 2nd and head to my mom and brother’s place.  It’s a 6 hour drive and Teresa plans to work a full day, then drive it.  OUCH.  But if anyone can do that, it’s her.  Us going depends on 3 things.  1.  We get all packed in time.  2.  Sumpter Pharmacy can get permission to fill my meds a day early and gets them filled in time.  And 3.  We get official word from Mayo that the donor is on board and it’s all a go.  (Yeah, we still haven’t gotten that).  I’m not too worried about the first 2, packing I can do while Teresa is at work and Sumpter Pharmacy has never let us down.  The 3rd item might be an issue, but I will start harassing them soon to get official notice.


The plan is to get to my mom and brother’s with the dogs LATE on the 2nd.  Then spend the 3rd, 4th and 5th there, seeing friends if they are up to it, spending time with my family, and I would say trying to get the dogs adjusted, but 3 days isn’t enough for that.  Then the 6th driving the 6 hours to Rochester from Portage.  Then taking the 7th off to just relax.  Then start my treatment on the 8th.   Seems like a solid plan if you ask me.  Everything seems reasonable except the 6 hour drive after a full day of work on the 2nd, I think that is borderline insane.


Oh yeah, Drew said he’s going to come visit me up in Rochester.  I told him it has to be after 20 days after transplant.  I will be pale, bald, and wearing a mask, but I will be happy to see him.  But he said he was coming, I said he didn’t have to, and he said that he was coming anyway.  That’s the kind of friend I have in Drew.


I have a couple other friends who were talking coming up to visit me, I do not know if they are still planning on it or if it’s even crossed their minds in the months this has been pending.  I guess I will have to reach out and find out for myself if they still want to come.  You know friends seeing you when you are at your absolute worse, fun fun fun.


Room in the car is going to be tight for the trip up.  Teresa has already blackballed a couple things I was planning on bringing.  However, she has agreed to my D&D books. Since I am only taking 4 or 5 and then having Modenkainen’s Tome of Foes delivered up there.  The case I am taking them in will fit without much problem.  I just get the feeling that the 2015 Dodge Dart was not meant to haul 2 peoples’ stuff for 4 months.  I think there is more room in the Neon, but Teresa doesn’t like to drive it cuz it’s a stick, well maybe not more room, but different shaped room (squarer trunk).


I’m also taking my big book about Skyrim.  It’s about the size of 3 D&D books.  I will make room for it.  Yup.


I can’t seem to get my head around being away from home for 4 months.  And that is assuming I get out on time.  Everyone that I have mentioned the 100 days to has basically chuckled and said, “OH, your on the 100 day plan” inferring that most people get stuck in the transplant house longer than 100 days.  Oh well, this is my mental block, I guess I will just have to live it.


Damn, I have been blathering for 1200 words or pretty close to it.  I think I will go grab something musically and then sign off.


Yeah, I usually try to find a video which means something or is special to me.  In this case, you get a video.  Sorry.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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