Sept 5th, DOOM and GLOOM with a glimmer of HOPE

As the days pass, my mood gets more down and down.  I should have started the D&D game in September.  Like this week.  But hey, if I had done that, we wouldn’t have Devin in the group and the kid needs a break too.


I’m not suicidal (yet).  I haven’t given up hope (yet).  Just knowing this is a final fight where the odds are very against me is tough to deal with.  Teresa is being so supportive, but I know deep down inside she is scared and upset too.


I just can’t believe I went thru all that shit without having a positive outcome.  I fought and fought only to be slap down.  I was/am devastated.  No one ever said life was fair, I just want to know who’s cheerios I pissed in to warrant such bad luck.


The sick part of this, I will probably get to go thru some serious GvHD before I die.  Just please don’t let it be my eyes.  I think everything else I can deal with.  Would hate to go blind because my lenses grew too thick and have to live with that for a while.  But the way my luck is running….


I’m gonna ask Dr. Alkhateeb if another transplant has a chance of fixing the problem.  I got good insurance, we can squeeze the expensive part in before the end of the year.  Where everything would still be covered 100%.  A boy can dream can’t he?


I had 16 chromosome pairs crossed before the transplant.  I have 6 now.  I still show signs of MDS in Bone Marrow Biospsy slides.  I’m almost in as bad of shape as I was when this started.  A little better in this case isn’t good enough.


I don’t want to be a big downer.   I don’t want to whine myself to death (literally).  I need a diversion, and that is what the D&D game is about.  I may start a 2nd again.  I couldn’t do it before, but now I need the diversion from life.   Maybe I can find a game to play in.  That’s be different.


I want to go to Thanksgivingfest this year.  I’m gonna ask Dr. Alkhateeb if it’d be ok.  The hosts have cats (so that might be a problem).  But if we can overlook the feline situation, maybe just maybe I can make what might very well be my last Thanksgivingfest.  Teresa wouldn’t deny me it if Dr. A approves it.  That is definitely on my ask about list.


 

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 49 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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