As the days pass, my mood gets more down and down. I should have started the D&D game in September. Like this week. But hey, if I had done that, we wouldn’t have Devin in the group and the kid needs a break too.
I’m not suicidal (yet). I haven’t given up hope (yet). Just knowing this is a final fight where the odds are very against me is tough to deal with. Teresa is being so supportive, but I know deep down inside she is scared and upset too.
I just can’t believe I went thru all that shit without having a positive outcome. I fought and fought only to be slap down. I was/am devastated. No one ever said life was fair, I just want to know who’s cheerios I pissed in to warrant such bad luck.
The sick part of this, I will probably get to go thru some serious GvHD before I die. Just please don’t let it be my eyes. I think everything else I can deal with. Would hate to go blind because my lenses grew too thick and have to live with that for a while. But the way my luck is running….
I’m gonna ask Dr. Alkhateeb if another transplant has a chance of fixing the problem. I got good insurance, we can squeeze the expensive part in before the end of the year. Where everything would still be covered 100%. A boy can dream can’t he?
I had 16 chromosome pairs crossed before the transplant. I have 6 now. I still show signs of MDS in Bone Marrow Biospsy slides. I’m almost in as bad of shape as I was when this started. A little better in this case isn’t good enough.
I don’t want to be a big downer. I don’t want to whine myself to death (literally). I need a diversion, and that is what the D&D game is about. I may start a 2nd again. I couldn’t do it before, but now I need the diversion from life. Maybe I can find a game to play in. That’s be different.
I want to go to Thanksgivingfest this year. I’m gonna ask Dr. Alkhateeb if it’d be ok. The hosts have cats (so that might be a problem). But if we can overlook the feline situation, maybe just maybe I can make what might very well be my last Thanksgivingfest. Teresa wouldn’t deny me it if Dr. A approves it. That is definitely on my ask about list.