I did a little research about MDS/death. You know, the themes of my life right now. Heh, Not pleasant information. I shouldn’t oughta do that. At this point the best outcome I can find is 2 years. But most sites are saying less than 2 years, I’ll be lucky to reach 50. heck, a this point 49 is a goal.
Teresa explained to me why a 2nd transplant wouldn’t do for me. And the answer is just sort of simple and if my mind was clear I would’ve thought of it too.
So the long shot hope (20% chance), is this stopping all ammuno-supressor medicine and hoping that the new bone marrow goes in a kicks the ass of the defects. Like I said it had a 20% chance of success.
This is why I need to go to Thanksgivingfest this year. I may not be physically able to go to the one next year. This dying stuff gets in the way.
I already looked some into palliative care (hospice). I don’t want to go into palliative care, but there just might be a point where we don’t have a choice. Teresa can’t lift me, and I may very well need lifting. Even the thought of this I find repulsive.
D&D starts in 3 weeks and a couple days. Gonna wait til this one in going before even considering starting a second one. But I have plans and my plans have plans. It’s all good, just ask me.
Ya know, funny thing, after the AML in 2015, I thought I had 30 or 40 years to go. I went thru a lot of crap for that. Then the MDS in 2017-2018 hits, puts a definite scare in me. I listen to the doctor, he makes me feel comfortable, that everything is gonna be all right. Should have went with my first feeling, then at least I would have 5 years, instead if wasting 1 year and getting 2 maybe. I had a bad feeling about this from day -11.
There have been plenty of times in my life where I wanted to die. Now that it is semi-immanent I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
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