Doom and Gloom revisited

I did a little research about MDS/death.  You know, the themes of my life right now.  Heh, Not pleasant information.  I shouldn’t oughta do that.  At this point the best outcome I can find is 2 years.  But most sites are saying less than 2 years, I’ll be lucky to reach 50.  heck, a this point 49 is a goal.

Teresa explained to me why a 2nd transplant wouldn’t do for me.  And the answer is just sort of simple and if my mind was clear I would’ve thought of it too.

So the long shot hope (20% chance), is this stopping all ammuno-supressor medicine and hoping that the new bone marrow goes in a kicks the ass of the defects.  Like I said it had a 20% chance of success.

This is why I need to go to Thanksgivingfest this year.  I may not be physically able to go to the one next year.  This dying stuff gets in the way.

I already looked some into palliative care (hospice).  I don’t want to go into palliative care, but there just might be a point where we don’t have a choice.  Teresa can’t lift me, and I may very well need lifting.  Even the thought of this I find repulsive.

D&D starts in 3 weeks and a couple days.  Gonna wait til this one in going before even considering starting a second one.  But I have plans and my plans have plans.  It’s all good, just ask me.

Ya know, funny thing, after the AML in 2015, I thought I had 30 or 40 years to go.  I went thru a lot of crap for that.  Then the MDS in 2017-2018 hits, puts a definite scare in me.  I listen to the doctor, he makes me feel comfortable, that everything is gonna be all right.  Should have went with my first feeling, then at least I would have 5 years, instead if wasting 1 year and getting 2 maybe.  I had a bad feeling about this from day -11.

There have been plenty of times in my life where I wanted to die.  Now that it is semi-immanent I DON’T WANT TO DIE.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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