Yeah, I whine and play the blame game

I wait for my mom to show up in a couple hours.  Sucks for her that she had to spend the whole day at the airport.   Her early morning flight was cancelled and it would have taken to long for my brother to go fetch her and then get her back to the airport in time to check in for the flight she is on now.  So she chose to just sit it out at O’Hare Airport.  Long day for her.  But at least this way I didn’t have to ditch her for a couple hours this afternoon so I could get fluids.  I suppose she could’ve come with, but I don’t chat while I am hooked up, I just sit and stare at the wall.  Yeah, I am weird.


Teresa is finally on board with me throwing a party.  So, the AINT DEAD YET party is definitely on.  Not that I ever doubted it.  I once again put out the appeal here and I will on Facebook too.  If you want to come to the party, please email me your snail mail address.  The email to send to is aintdeadyet@mail.com .  I can’t make it any easier.  I ask for these addresses so I can snail mail you an invitation and an rsvp card in January.  See, I am not just creeping you, I have a valid reason to know where you live.


Gonna get on the job to get the rest of the party in place.  LAZY-ASSness is what I am blaming this lack of progress on.  I will get it all ready in plenty of time.


Not gonna rant again.  Just gonna say.  DO NOT PAY TO PLAY RPGs ONLINE. Ran into another game which wanted me to pay entirely too much ($.01 is too much).   So mark another one off the list of potential games.  Oh well, maybe I will find a free game before I die or die trying.  (Hmm, that might be a little too close to home).


Teresa made me promise to give up some dreams even if I survive.  The dream of going to school.  I guess 16 tries is enough.  The dream of running a business.  Yeah, the travel agency was a stupid idea, but I have other ideas that aren’t as stupid.  The dream of buying a new NEW Car.  Yeah, I want to buy a new car, I want her to experience buying a new car.—-  Now, this is in no way bashing her, it’s definitely a reflection on me.  I’ve been a screw up for a long time, not a normal screw up, but a bipolar screw up.  Yup, everything that has FAILED in my life, I can point at bipolar and say it was at fault. Mania specifically.  Get any idea, hit it with mania, and the sky is the limit in your mind.  My friends who read this who have bipolar are all nodding their heads right now.  OK, I have said bipolar is not an excuse a million times, but it is an explanation.  Well, looking back on everything, I think it can be used as a viable excuse.


Thank the gods that I believe in reincarnation.  That I believe a new set of dice are rolled for each spirit.  I am also a firm believer in karma.  Either I have been paying off  a huge bad karmic debt from a previous life, or I building a huge karmic pool for my next life.  Karmically my life has pretty much sucked(with some big exceptions), I have big hopes for my next life.  And if I am wrong, I’ll be ashes on Teresa’s mantle and won’t be able to give a care anyway.


Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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