Back to an Anxiety free life.

Well, the anxiety is gone.  I am back to being a mellow guy without a knot in my stomach.  I’ve had 24 hours to think about what I did and why I did it.  I feel it was the right choice.  School and I have never gotten along.  With my track record I would start off strong then go manic and things would just fall apart.  Only this time I would owe the student loan people five grand plus.  The decision to not even try was not made lightly, I thought long and hard about it.  I just didn’t want to screw it up again.  Bipolar and Anxiety won the day.

I stayed up till 2am last night for no reason other than Teresa was still up.  And I woke up at 7am to take my pills and write this blog and probably play some Skyrim.  I will be awake at least until 9am when I take my second set of pills.  That gives me some time to kill.  I normally have breakfast during this time, but I am not hungry this morning, so I am going to skip that.   Five hours of sleep and I feel pretty good about it.   Yeah, the weight of the world being off my shoulders is going to let me do crazy stuff like stay up till 2am again.

I forgot to call Chris yesterday about the steroid toxicity.  I had every intention to call himm and just plain didn’t.  It’s a serious issue that can cause serious permanent problems.  The lip tremor is disturbing.  I finally got to see it in a mirror instead of just feel it.  Feels weird, looks worse.  I need to come off the steroid, I will write Jennifer (the Mayo Endocrinologist) and ask her if we can try to cut down the dosage again.  We have tried twice before and had bad results.  Now it is imperative that it happens.

Skyrim:  I deleted every save game.   My Argonian pick pocket, My Elven Archer, and my Orc Barbarian all are gone.  I don’t know what possessed me to do such, but it seemed like the thing to do.  Started over with a new Orc Barbarian who wields a greatsword (Warhammer is too slow I determined).  She is level 8 now and the vampire attacks have begun.  I am bored with the vampires, but if you turn off that expansion, you can’t build arrows.  So whereas with my orc it wouldn’t matter, with say an Elf Archer it would be a big issue.  I don’t know what else came in the Dawnguard expansion, but Arrows are enough to keep me wanting to play it with that expansion enabled.

I know Hearthfire gave the build a steading feature primarily.  Dragonborn gave Solsteim and Mirrak.  Dawguard gave us the Vampire storyline and apparently the ability to make arrows.  All three expansions added a lot of content to the game.  Turning any of them off makes huge changes that I found out the hard way.  So, I am just going to live with the Vampires attacking Whiterun and wonder why the guard isn’t doing anything.

Mayo in six days, next Friday to be more exact.  With the exception of the bone marrow biopsy, I am actually kind of looking forward to this visit up north.  I believe the weather ha finally cleared up there and it should be cooly pleasant outside.  I wonder if they scheduled us a lunch break this time?  They don’t always and it’s kind of a crap shoot to see if we get to eat before 3pm.  I’m sure they did, Shiela always tries to take care of us.

My back is still hurting, carrying trash to the curb yesterday didn’t help it.  I actually took a pain pill yesterday and I will probably take another one today.  Again, I am not sure what I did to cause this specific onset of pain, but hey, I got meds to help me with the pain, so it’s doable.

I wouldn’t be a proper nerd if I didn’t say May the 4th be with you.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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