My Ghosts of Saltmarsh book arrived today. I forgot I actually ordered it o so long ago. Too bad I am still dealing with my depression and just threw it on the D&D Bookshelf, where D&D books go to be unlooked at for a long time usually. I didn’t even crack it open, just opened the box, took it out and put the book on the shelf. Normally new D&D books at least get a once over, but not today…. today have been sucking the life out of me.
Woke up at 4:20 and couldn’t fall back asleep. That means I got 5 hours and twenty minutes of sleep. No wonder I am so fricking tired. Anyhow, that was how my day started, laying in the dark for and hour and a half, waiting for Alexa to tell Teresa it was time to get up at 6.
From 4:20 on I have been in a seriously depressed mood. No, I am not suicidal. Just wish I was dead. There IS a huge difference. This depression has to break soon or I am going to end up in a wacko ward somewhere, and we do not want that to ever happen. But this depression is the part that is sucking the life out of me today as I have already mentioned.
I coughed hard for 2 hours straight, right after I ate breakfast. Makes me think I might very well have reflux again causing said cough. The surgery I had in 2004 was only “guaranteed” for 10 years, and its been 15 years. I don’t hurt like I did when I had bad GERD and I still can’t burp most of the time. I really should get myself to a gastroenterologist and have then do an upper GI to look into this possibility. Would make sense as after I eat, I cough. I can go hours during the day without a single cough, then I would eat something and start coughing. And the more I eat the longer I cough. So, tomorrow I call Chris (the PA) for a referral. Forget the neurologist, forget the pulmonologist, it’s time to call in the gastroenterologist.
Teresa came home from work at lunch time for me. Her being here puts me in a slightly better mood. I love being around her. I love her. And she came home just in time for nap time. DOH. Anyhow, I sleep better with her around too.
Skyrim: I am playing yet another Orc Warrior, she wields a 2 Handed sword. With her I did the whole main Alduin questline early. I was done with killing Alduin by level 15. Now she is level 17 and I am unsure of where I am gonna go with her.
I also have 2 khajitt warrior/thief character. One is the level 51. The other is level 21 or 22. The first hit level 51 dealing with Dawnguard and all their quests before I got bored. Plus I realized that since she killed the Dark Brotherhood there are no followers that are able to keep up in level, well that’s not entirely true, there are a cough (2) that go to level 60, but Legendary Dragons don’t start to spawn till level 75… So, she is a little stuck with where to go after the Vampires. For now, when I play her I am finishing the Vampire stuff.
The other one is just different. The only thing she has going for her that the first one does is she is a khajitt. Otherwise everything is being mixed up in order. And she probably will never do the Vampire quests beyond the basics.
In the interim I have tried a high elf mage, a wood elf archer, and another Nord warrior. And probably a few others. Khajitt and Orcs are the only ones I enjoy I guess. They are the only ones who get to the level 20s which are fairly easy to get to.
I did spend an hour today trying to locate the number of the shrink that was supposed to call me in 6-8 weeks. No luck there. However, I did find a shrink in Dallas Center (about 6 miles away) who is new on our insurance and taking new patients according to our insurance. So, maybe I will just give her a call and see what she has to say about my meds. My meds are what have stopped me from seeing quite a few other shrinks in the area. “Nimodipine, never heard of it, won’t prescribe it.” Screw them. I have been on every other mood med in creation (ok, not the newer stuff) and every one I had a bad reaction to. Specifically anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, so I am kind of screwed in changing meds, I DO NOT WANT TO change meds. Simple as that, I have beeno on this combo for almost 20 years, why would anyone want to dink with it???
So, for now, it looks like I am just going to deal with a prolonged depression and just hope I wake up one day in a good mood again. It could and has happened before. But this depression has lasted longer than most of the ones I have had in the past. This one started in the beginning of February and is still going strong if not getting worse. Heh.
Hectic's Blog About Stuff 
Gotcha beat, unfortunately. I’ve been depressed since December and spent Christmas week in a psych ward. Not fun. It’s still really bad, but I’m not going back there! Stay strong, my friend!
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