My Ghosts of Saltmarsh book arrived today. I forgot I actually ordered it o so long ago. Too bad I am still dealing with my depression and just threw it on the D&D Bookshelf, where D&D books go to be unlooked at for a long time usually. I didn’t even crack it open, just opened the box, took it out and put the book on the shelf. Normally new D&D books at least get a once over, but not today…. today have been sucking the life out of me.
Woke up at 4:20 and couldn’t fall back asleep. That means I got 5 hours and twenty minutes of sleep. No wonder I am so fricking tired. Anyhow, that was how my day started, laying in the dark for and hour and a half, waiting for Alexa to tell Teresa it was time to get up at 6.
From 4:20 on I have been in a seriously depressed mood. No, I am not suicidal. Just wish I was dead. There IS a huge difference. This depression has to break soon or I am going to end up in a wacko ward somewhere, and we do not want that to ever happen. But this depression is the part that is sucking the life out of me today as I have already mentioned.
I coughed hard for 2 hours straight, right after I ate breakfast. Makes me think I might very well have reflux again causing said cough. The surgery I had in 2004 was only “guaranteed” for 10 years, and its been 15 years. I don’t hurt like I did when I had bad GERD and I still can’t burp most of the time. I really should get myself to a gastroenterologist and have then do an upper GI to look into this possibility. Would make sense as after I eat, I cough. I can go hours during the day without a single cough, then I would eat something and start coughing. And the more I eat the longer I cough. So, tomorrow I call Chris (the PA) for a referral. Forget the neurologist, forget the pulmonologist, it’s time to call in the gastroenterologist.
Teresa came home from work at lunch time for me. Her being here puts me in a slightly better mood. I love being around her. I love her. And she came home just in time for nap time. DOH. Anyhow, I sleep better with her around too.
Skyrim: I am playing yet another Orc Warrior, she wields a 2 Handed sword. With her I did the whole main Alduin questline early. I was done with killing Alduin by level 15. Now she is level 17 and I am unsure of where I am gonna go with her.
I also have 2 khajitt warrior/thief character. One is the level 51. The other is level 21 or 22. The first hit level 51 dealing with Dawnguard and all their quests before I got bored. Plus I realized that since she killed the Dark Brotherhood there are no followers that are able to keep up in level, well that’s not entirely true, there are a cough (2) that go to level 60, but Legendary Dragons don’t start to spawn till level 75… So, she is a little stuck with where to go after the Vampires. For now, when I play her I am finishing the Vampire stuff.
The other one is just different. The only thing she has going for her that the first one does is she is a khajitt. Otherwise everything is being mixed up in order. And she probably will never do the Vampire quests beyond the basics.
In the interim I have tried a high elf mage, a wood elf archer, and another Nord warrior. And probably a few others. Khajitt and Orcs are the only ones I enjoy I guess. They are the only ones who get to the level 20s which are fairly easy to get to.
I did spend an hour today trying to locate the number of the shrink that was supposed to call me in 6-8 weeks. No luck there. However, I did find a shrink in Dallas Center (about 6 miles away) who is new on our insurance and taking new patients according to our insurance. So, maybe I will just give her a call and see what she has to say about my meds. My meds are what have stopped me from seeing quite a few other shrinks in the area. “Nimodipine, never heard of it, won’t prescribe it.” Screw them. I have been on every other mood med in creation (ok, not the newer stuff) and every one I had a bad reaction to. Specifically anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, so I am kind of screwed in changing meds, I DO NOT WANT TO change meds. Simple as that, I have beeno on this combo for almost 20 years, why would anyone want to dink with it???
So, for now, it looks like I am just going to deal with a prolonged depression and just hope I wake up one day in a good mood again. It could and has happened before. But this depression has lasted longer than most of the ones I have had in the past. This one started in the beginning of February and is still going strong if not getting worse. Heh.