written late at night for a change

Heh, tomorrow is a holiday (Memorial Day)  and I found out about 10 minutes ago that my wife doesn’t have to work.  LOL.   Shows how well I am paying attention to the world around me.  I did however know that she is going to work at home on Tuesday.  I think that is one of very few 5 days (she worked Friday and will Tuesday) that we have spent together where I haven’t been sick, since we moved to Iowa.  And we have been here for 14 1/2 years.  We do spend a lot of time together, we just don’t get to spend whole days (except weekends) together.   It works for us I guess.


Depression is still the name of the game in my head.  There have been moments of normalcy, but an overriding down is still holding strong.  I find it difficult to get moving every day.   I still haven’t left my house since we got back from Mayo on the 10th.   Just have no desire to see people and even less to deal with them.  Still wish I would have died from one of my cuz death would be preferred to whatever-the-hell depression cycle I am going thru.  NO, I AM NOT SUICIDAL.  Don’t call anyone, I am not hurting myself and I am not going to kill myself either.   I know this is all temporary.


I’m still waking up ungodly early most days, regardless of what ridiculous time I go to bed.  I think I was awake at 3:55am today.   After going to bed at midnight.  I did take a nap today, and a fall asleep nap too.  About an hour each.   So if you add it all up I slept about 5 1/2 hours total today.  Going to bed shortly after I finish writing this blog and trying to sleep in a little tomorrow.  Neither of those will likely happen, but a boy can dream can’t he?


Almost positive it is reflux causing most of the coughing.   Prilosec seems to be helping as does sitting up at my desk while eating.  Gummi Bears still cause a major cough fest which I think is weird and unfortunate because most of you know I love Gummi Bears.  I am still coughing randomly and in spurts, but no where near as bad as when I wasn’t taking the Prilosec and sitting at my desk to eat.


Speaking of eating.  Teresa made her phenomenal Italian meat loaf for dinner tonight.  Along with the meat loaf were cheesy mashed potatoes and boiled, the garlic sautéed green beans.   It was a very delicious meal. It was also very filling.   I only had one piece of meat loaf, mind you it was a fairly big piece.  My wife is an excellent cook in case you didn’t know.  I am the luckiest man alive because I found a wonderful woman who takes excellent care of me, and cooks for me a couple night a week and usually on the weekends.   Yeah buddy, be jealous, she is mine and we are still madly, hopelessly in love after 26 1/2 years.


SKYRIM:  Orc warrior made it up to level 36 and I got bored with her.  Level 51 Kajiit wariior/thief I am bored with.  Level 22 Kajiit warrior/thief I am bored with…………   Which bring me to newest Kajitt Warrior/Thief, I made 20 levels with her today.  Have 13 of the 15 Deadric Artifacts needed for the Oblivian Walker Achievement.   One cuz you cant get it till level 30, and 1 because finding wood elves to kill is rare.   Anyway, she killed Alduin at level 19.  So at level 20 she got the Razor.  Now she is off to join the thieves guild, cuz I determined if you do all the thieves guild quests to get guild master, in 5 of the 9 holds you can kill people then pay off a guard to make things all good.  So then you join the Dark Brotherhood (assassins guild).  Then I think that is where I get bored with my characters, after the long thieves guild quests and the boring Dark Brotherhood quests.  I hate the Dawnguard quests,  and how many times can a person kill the dude in Solsteim (drawing a blank on his name).  Oh I do need to take my current Kajiit to Solsteim and get the CHAOS enchant.  CHAOS give you a 50% chance of doing X amount of fire and/or frost and/or shock damage.  50% each, so normally you are doing at least 1 of them.  It’s the coolest weapon enchant but it drains soul power quickly so you go thru soul stones like mad.


I still haven’t gotten the blood tests or seen the pulmonologist that Dr. Alkhateeb wanted me to get the next week.  Been too depressed to leave the house.   Can’t leave the house, can’t get things done outside of the house.   I did send him a message to this effect.  Looking forward to hearing back on Monday.

Also, we lowered my steroid again, from 15mg to 10mg in the morning and 5 mg in the afternoon.   We’ll see if my adrenal glands decide to work.  I want to take less pills.   Slowly I am achieving that.


Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 49 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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