This post made me sad to write, but I dont think its sad

I feel considerably better than I did yesterday.  Thank the gods for that.  Yesterday was bad.  Today I feel Ok.  Not great but not bad either.  I didn’t do a whole lot yesterday and will probably end up doing less today.   Yeah, I am a slacker at heart.

What I did do yesterday is settle on Bar-B-Q for the catering for my party.  Big Daddy’s Bar-B-Q is the name of the place, it’s in Gary.  We won’t be picking it up, good thing is they deliver and usually on time.  Party starts at 5, we will ask them to bring the food about 4:45 so it will still be nice and hot when people start to arrive.  Mom has agreed to do the ordering for me, I just have to supply the credit card, which is no problem.  I also decided I wanted cakes instead of cookies and mom said we will just do both.  I am not a big cookie fan, I like cake.  Marilyn’s Bakery has great yelp reviews and is not very far from the party.  So, Bar-B-Q and cake and cookies and gas station chicken.  Should make everyone happy.

I also caved yesterday.   Making my mom and wife cry was too much, I have decided that if Dr. Alkhateeb has plans for trying to “Fix” me, then I am going to do them.  That includes the 2 DLIs and any chemo he feels I need.  I am not stupid though and won’t do anything without a good explanation of what it is going to do for me.  From AML in 2015 you can start counting years…  if I make it past 5 I am a statistical anomaly.  From MDS in 2018-2019 you can start counting years…  if I make it past 5 I am a walking miracle.  Sobering facts, but that is how they break it down.  Anyhow, I told Teresa my decision and she cried again.  Can’t win for losing.  Mom was just happy.

I don’t feel like I am dying right now.  I would think if I was, I would feel something.  The bone marrow biopsy on Friday will be the tell-tale of whether I am dying or not.  It’ll be up to Dr. Alkhateeb to find a way for the dying to stop sooner and not stop by me being dead.  I want to live a while longer.  Yup, I sure do.  I want to make Thanksgivingfest this year.  But that might not happen if I am in the rolls of chemo.

All I do know, is that August 7th through 14th I am unavailable for medical purposes.  I will be with my family (Teresa can’t make it, has to work) and on the 10th I will be with my family of choice too.  Friends from high school, from the Gang, and other places are all coming.  I wish more were coming, but turns out my great plan to have it the week before school starts was actually the week school starts for some of my friends.  Well damn, wanted it in August, couldn’t go first weekend cuz of GenCon, and couldn’t go later cuz school starts for everyone else’s kids.  The 10th is/was the best day.

I changed my Facebook Icon thing, it’s now the center of the single for The Fools, Life Sucks and Then You Die.  One of my favorite songs ever.  And the title just seems appropriate now.

Heh, with my party being on the 10th, I have pretty much skipped my birthday on the 6th.  I wonder if Teresa will want to do something then.  By then we will know The Plan from Dr. Alkhateeb (get that on August 2nd).  The 6th is a Tuesday, maybe she will want to go to the movies, hope something decent is playing on the IMAX.  Or maybe just a nice dinner out.  Someplace I have never been before.  Heh, there is an idea, there is a lot of restaurants that Teresa has went to that I have not, maybe she can pick something good and surprise me.

Right now, at this moment, I do not know what my future holds.  A few weeks ago I thought I did.  But the dropping on my blood stats have put a monkey wrench into everything until I get the results from the bone marrow biopsy and then I only get a small glimpse into what my future holds past August 14th.

I want to go to Disneyworld and the Epcot Center.  I want to do this in January or February.  Why?  Because these places hold a special place in my heart.  It is where Teresa and I honeymooned.  I would like to go back there again before I die, whenever that may be.  And January or February because the parks are less crowded then.

I should have my car back tomorrow.  The rack and pinion that was leaking steering fluid was removed today and the new one arrived today.  So I should think that the repair place would have it put in this afternoon or tomorrow morning.  And thereby getting me back my car tomorrow afternoon.  Not that I need it till Monday, but I miss my car and want it back.

There are no separation lines today because this all came out of my head as a semi-conscious ramble thought.  But I do have to put one line in for the video.  So, my 900 plus word ramble thought gets marred by one line.  You will forgive me, won’t you?

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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