Priorities all screwed up

Feeling much better today so far.  No dizziness, no nothing.  Just existing on this plane of existence.  Being mellow cuz there is no reason not to be.  Teresa and I just had an argument where we were both arguing the same side.  Took us a good 20 minutes to realize that.  The only difference is our arguments is that I don’t want chemo again and I don’t think my MDS is going to turn into chemo-resistant AML.  She, on the other hand does think my MDS will turn into chemo-resistant AML and I will have to get more chemo.  So, I guess we weren’t arguing the same side, just from different angles.

Well, basically if it becomes chemo-resistant AML, I am screwed.  A body can only take so much chemo before the body literally starts to fall apart on the insides.  Any chemo strong enough to affect the AML would kill me itself.  So they would have to give me a bunch of baby bump chemo and those wouldn’t do jack.  But all this is irrelevant if I don’t start having Blasts.  Blasts would totally ruin my future.  So far, I have never shown blasts at Mayo, I do not want to break that record.  Blasts would mean I have AML instead of MDS and I would be dead in the matter of weeks instead of months or years.

But enough about that.

Aravas or Avaras, depending on my spelling of that day, my Dungeons and Dragons Campaign starts back up on Tuesday evening.  5 of my players have expressed desire for it to resume, the 6th I have to just assume he will be there.  Where the first session was mainly combat, the second session (this one) will be much more role playing.  I do not normally split sessions into combat/no combat like this, but right now it’s for story line purposes.  The combat last time served its purpose to start a story arc.  And the role play in the second session is actually going to start two more story arcs.  Which is all good.  Plus they get to meet the sleazy gnome.  What can go wrong with that?

I guess I am never (I hate the term never, but it’s pretty fitting here) going to DM for Mayhem Comics D&D night.  All the work I have done preparing the Hole for 3D people is for naught.  With my cancer being out of remission, I can’t commit to anything long term.  And they were looking for DMs who ran many month long campaigns.  I can’t even commit from week to week.  It sucks, I really wanted to do this.  One more big in person campaign before I die.  I guess it might still happen if the DLIs work.  Just not right now.

Dr. Alkhateeb said I might not get any GvHD from the DLIs, that is what I am hoping for.  Teresa wants my dry skin back to show something is happening.  I can live without the dry skin or any other GvHD for that matter.   I’ll take another Bone Marrow Biopsy over GvHD any day.  GvHD sucks, no matter what way it manifests itself.   Last time I had a bad rash of half my body, stomach issues, and then finally extremely dry skin.  All of which went away with time, but sucked while they were here.  So here’s hoping for no GvHD.

Priorities in my head are all screwed up, thus the order of topics in this blog.  I am mentally and emotionally a mess, I think it is insane that we are waiting for my numbers to drop before we do anything more.  Won’t be long until I am sitting in an infusion center either at Mayo or MercyOne getting blood and/or platelets to keep me alive for another week or two.  Man, I hope the DLIs work and work quickly.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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