Teresa and I and a lot of anxiety

Tomorrow is Teresa’s birthday.  I finally get to give her the gift that I ordered weeks ago.  Plus, Hardee’s announced they now have a Western Bacon Cheeseburger that, on tv at least, looks like the Western Bacon Cheeseburger that Carl’s Jr has.  We will be driving to Winterset tomorrow to find out just how close Hardee’s can match our memories.  Plus, if it is just like the Carl’s jr Western Bacon Cheeseburger, that cuts one thing off my bucket list.  Anyhow, Winterset is a small city about 15 minutes away (used to be bigger than Adel) that has a Hardee’s on the corner of it’s two busy roads.  We’ll go there for Teresa’s birthday dinner (well, Drive Thru).  I hope it is just like Carl’s Jrs.   Teresa will be so disappointed if it is not; so will I.

Wednesday is our 27th wedding anniversary.  I gave Teresa my Airpod Pros.  I couldn’t wear them.  So it is all good there.  I also bought her chocolates, gonna buy her more of the same since she likes them so much.

27 years married. Discounting health issues and some financial issues we had when we were young, it has been a good 27 years.  I love her as much today as I did when I first fell in love with her, possibly more.  I know I would have died several times over without her so it is a good thing we have been together.  She has been my rock.  She takes care of me.

It saddens me that I may not be around for our 28th anniversary.

Today is Doctor Appreciation Day…  I appreciate almost every doctor that I have dealt with in my life (almost every doctor).  I especially appreciate my current docs:  Chris the PA (Close enough to a doc), Dr. Wehbe, the cancer doc here in Iowa who has been on my side since AML in 2015, he’s got my back.  And I appreciate Dr. Alkhateeb who saved my life, and admits he is human.  Dr. Alkhateeb told us that he is just guessing at what to do next in my treatment; that he and his colleagues were unsure of what to do next.  Admitting that makes him a man in my book, most doctors wouldn’t have done that.  These 3 doctors (well 2 and a PA) keep me running well past my expiration date, I think I will keep going to them.

I am still upset about the thought of Chemo for the rest of my life. I would love to be able to just say No and LIVE out the rest of my life, however short that would be,  But I won’t say No, I will go get chemo every 4th week for eternity to spend more time with Teresa.  Besides, Dr. Alkhateeb gets to write about me and how I survive when everyone else with the same condition didn’t.  I’ll make Dr. Alkhateeb look good by surviving for a long time.

But I won’t get to travel, ANY.  No going back to the Region,  No fulfilling the second item on my bucket list.  It’s just sucky.  I won’t get to ever see mom’s new house.  I won’t get to have my Still Not Dead Yet party or ever attend another Thankgivingfest.    I will be stuck here in Adel,, not the Adel we moved to 15 1/2 years ago, it has grown and is still growing. 3300 people when we moved here, now its over 7000.  Still only 1 good restaurant in town, but Waukee restaurants are only 9 miles away down highway 6.  I will go crazy(er) if they don’t let me travel in the non-chemo weeks.  I’m good 2 weeks out of 4. Of course I can’t and won’t travel now because of the COVID-19, but once that is nipped in the bud, I want to go.  I wan to go to the Region for a week, see my mom and brother and my friends and extended family.  I want to have my Still Aint Dead Yet party and I want to attend Thanksgivingfest.  I will ask after this biopsy results.

As of right now, I am scheduled to have my bone marrow biopsy on April 10th.  However, my primary care giver (Teresa) keeps running fevers and if she is running a fever they won’t even let her into Mayo right now.  Plus, Mayo is a huge testing place for Corona Virus, which means I will be walking into the lion’s den, smelling of meat.  This virus has me scared.  I am still immuno-compromised. I will be wearing a mask and probably gloves, but that doesn’t mean in won’t get on my clothes and such.  And it is a 4 hour drive back home after everything at Mayo.  I think I might ask Dr. Alkhateeb if we can postpone this till the end of May.  Yeah, the end of May things should be looking more normal (No, I don’t think the virus will be contained by then, just hoping its on the down side of the curve.  Yeah, after I get done with this blog entry, I will fire off a message to Dr. Alkhateeb asking to move the date because I am scared.

Civ 4 Warlords news.  My old high score was Conquest 21000.  I thought that was as high as I could get……….Until I scored 31,904 on Domination.  Yes, I am still playing on baby level difficulty, but still that is impressive.  Again it happened when I wasn’t trying and again I wish I was playing Conquest instead of Domination.  I had enough Modern Armor units to wipe out the last opponent in like 10 turns.  Oh well, now it’s always Conquest.

I did play one game on Chieftain difficulty (One level up).  I quit it around the year 1000 cuz it was a foregone conclusion that I would win, but it would take me past the year 2000 to do it.  It wasn’t fun.  So I went back down to Settler (baby level of difficulty) and I am enjoying myself.  So blah, no increase of difficulty, just trying to beat my new high score but on Conquest.

Still not sleeping right.  My days and nights are totally messed up.  I take 1 nap in the morning, 1 nap in the afternoon, and 1 nap in the evening now.   it’s ridiculous, I have tried to fix it and not take any naps and I still woke up at 4am after going to bed at 11pm the night before.  Last night I went to bed a little after midnight and woke at 3:45am.  I will nap from 7am to 9am probably.  That is between pill times and when I normally nap in the morning.    Then I might try to stay up till I crash and take a 1 hour nap them.  And hope I can still 5 or 6 hours tomorrow night.  That would be nice.

The drooling has finally stopped.

Our Governor refuses to issue a Stay at Home order (yes, she is one of THOSE), however there is very few places you can go anyway.  Almost everything is closed.  Only essential businesses are open, gas stations, grocery stores, doctor offices (not dentists), and Hobby Lobby (lol, they found a loophole in the governor’s proclamation).   There was still a bit of traffic last week, but after the second round of closures I am guessing it’s not the case anymore.

Well, I broke the 1200 words mark.  I assume I lost most people long before you got here.  If I didn’t, I hope you are coping with your Stay-at-home orders as best as you can.  I hope my anxiety ridden blog post provided a bit of distraction for you.  I’m gonna go find a video and think of a title for this blog entry.  Stay safe and have a good day.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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