It is Memorial Day, a day to remember all those American soldiers who died during active service (I quote the google). This is a thought I can get behind. I don’t think I had any relatives the I know of die while on active duty, which is kind of surprising considering how many of the Campbells and the Letsons their are. But I salute all the soldiers who died while serving our country.
I want to say I had a good time playing in Jason’s Dungeons and Dragons Eberron game last night. But it is not the case, but part of that was just me dealing with my anxiety and then having something happen that pissed me off, bad enough that I almost rage quit. H being new to the party, Luna thought it’d be fun to have H spar with Rhyset. Yeah, fine. A little good natured one on one between the 2 fighter types, just to see how I handled myself in a fight. Well, H pounded Rhyset for a while then Luna turned Rhyset into a T-Rex, which just made him easier to hit. I didn’t squawk at that. I just kept chopping away. That is when Luna decided to start casting spells at me during the fight. 3 spells that I made the saving throws for, being a pally my saves are ridiculous. That pissed me off, I nearly killed Rhyset. And then I turned on Luna told her if she ever did something like that again, I would never hesitate to kill her. Rhyset made a feeble statement, “Don’t threaten Luna” while he was bleeding on the floor. Luna then said, “We had to see how you were in a real fight.” I was livid both as H and as Jeff. If they had wanted that then they should have said so in the first place. H stood there fuming while everyone else left, the H went for a long walk. In the mean time Jeff was still fuming. I told Jason I was legit pissed. He told me nicely to go chill out, its just a game. I knew that already, but I play to have fun, not get blindsided by another character that is on the same side. Well, this whole situation ruined the night for me. I did not have fun. Cori (Luna) and I chatted after and we are cool. But H is in his apartment mad as Hell still trying to decide if he can trust his “friends”.
In hind sight, I should have probably cancelled on playing with my anxiety level so high, but in all honesty, I figured a nice diversion was what I needed. Boy, was I wrong.
I feel a little better today anxietywise. I will be taking another Xanax here in a little bit though. Better a little dopey than dealing with anxiety. The anxiety I have is still mainly about going to Mayo, being at Mayo again. My friend Danny said to think of it as breathing you have to do it to survive. Yeah yeah. Sage advice. Doesn’t stop the anxiety. This will get worse then get better then get worse. So, its gonna be a rough 2 weeks.
I have cancelled the next two Tuesday night Dungeons and Dragons sessions due to this anxiety. I can’t run a game like this.
Adam’s game is also cancelled this week on Friday night. Because of the hole in my hip and my anxiety.
I think, but I am not sure, that mom and Jim are coming to visit in 3 weeks. This week Mayo, next week chemo, then they would come to visit. That is what I got from my brother’s post. Haven’t checked with Mom yet to see if it’ll be reality. I want to see my mom and Brother, it has been too long.
Mayo on Thursday, out the door by 4am to get their on time. 4+ hour drive, then some blood tests, gotta have blood tests, then my bone marrow biopsy. I hope I wake up better than last time, I was groggy as hell last time. Then a meeting with the pharmacist, then the nurse, then Dr. Alkhateeb. Lunch is thrown in there somewhere. then there is a 4+ hour drive home. it is supposed to rain I believe, hope its not thunderstorms or torrential rain. Gonna have a miserable time. YUP, total YUCKO.
Then there is the WAiT for results. Should have preliminary results by the 1st or 2nd but the chromosomes and TP53 mutation results (the stuff we are looking for won’t come till the 4th or 5th I hope not longer.