Anxiety go away

OK, I make no secret that I hate Roll20. Roll20 is a Virtual Table Top for gaming (for those that didn’t know). The character generator on it is barbaric. And the interface is complicated and not intuitive. Roll20 just sucks. Both of the games I talked about yesterday blew apart on me cuz they waned Roll20. So, for the Saturday night game, I read a 10 page primer only for the last line to read, “to get used to Roll20”, I was crushed, all along I was eating up what he had written and then Bam, Roll20. So I cancelled on joining that one. Then with the Europeans, I talked with the contact guy, he was on board for theater of the mind, but he had to run it by the rest of his players. The rest of his players are all new players and they couldn’t “See it in their minds” so they didn’t want me cuz I don’t use the craptastic Roll20. So, I give up for a while on searching for a new game and am back to running my own 2nd campaign of theater of the mind, the way Dungeons and Dragons was meant to be played.

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Speaking of Dungeons and Dragons, we did not play last night cuz I was/am too anxious to concentrate hard enough to run a good game. So this Tuesday and next Tuesday there will be no Maloon games.

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By this time tomorrow we should be in Minnesota about an hour from Mayo Clinic. Yep, we are leaving between 4am and 4:15am. It makes for a brutal day, but its what Teresa wants to do. Hopefully I will be able to sleep in the car. I will try. Heh.

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Anxiety is driving me crazy today. I feel nauseous. I am experiencing the shakes again. It’s not pleasant at all. Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough. I will feel better once I am there.

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I had said I was gonna run my 2nd game on Sunday afternoons. However, Teresa asked me not to because sometimes she likes to sleep past noon on Sundays. So I have to pick a night. I have Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday to choose from. Per the Boomtown Rats, I don’t like Mondays. Wednesdays are reserved for Cori’s one-shots and eventual campaign. That leaves Thursday and Saturday. People like to take care of things on the weekend, so it looks like Thursday night. Maybe if i change it to Thursday night, Cori will play. Cori adds the right amount of chaos. Danny will play no matter what day it is, he just wants to play again. I don’t know who else I can get, maybe other Dave cuz I think Dave is at his maximum to maintain wife faction. Now I have options besides reddit to find players and that makes me happy. So, it is looking like Thursday evenings for my 2nd campaign and I have 1 player as of now. Heh, I got time to find more.

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The potential that my brother and mother might be moving to Colorado is putting me in a spot for my STILL NOT DEAD party this year, which hasn’t officially been squashed yet. And my REALLY STILL NOT DEAD party next year. I won’t have any place to hold these parties. I want Jim to find a job, but I don’t want him and mom to move to Colorado. For totally selfish reasons.

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Teresa shaved my head and beard last night. Feels so nice now. It’s amazing how much difference 3/4 of an inch can make.

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I am really tired right now but I am gonna try to stay awake all day so I can go to bed at 8pm. Might be mission impossible trying to stay awake, but I am going to try. Getting at 3:30 is going to be rough otherwise.

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OK, cutting this (what feels like) short. Don’t have a whole lot to say I guess. You all have a good dady.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 49 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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