Sucky Reality

It’s another Hot and Muggy day, but today August 14th, 2020, I am not going out in. Nope, nothing is going to make me go outside with 94degree feels like temp. I did that yesterday, not doing it again today.

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Well, before I can have a procedure at the hospital here (my bone marrow biopsy) I have to get yet another Covid-19 test. That will happen Monday between 7am and noon. This one is special cuz its just for people having procedures at Mercy Hospital. So, there shouldn’t be much of a line. You get there, call a number, and they come out and take care of you. Even nicer than the tents from the first Covid-19 test. I still don’t have Covid-19 so its just the matter of having a stick shoved up both nostrils.

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Then Wednesday check-in is at 7am for the procedure. Mercy can do sedated bone marrow biopsies too. All I had to do was ask. The procedure itself takes about 20 minutes, prep is 20 minutes, and recovery is about 20 minutes. So the whole thing takes about an hour. I will get about 40 minutes of sleep out of it. Dr. Wehbe says they kick you out before you are fully awake. That will be interesting if that is the case. Anyhow, this procedure is the BIG ONE. The one that determines if its just a case of my chemo stopping working or if I have blasts and the end looms. So, I will be there are 7am, half asleep already so they dont have to try too hard to knock me out.

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This, however, makes my results coming Mondayish or Tuesdayish. Instead of them coming around Thursday, like I had hoped. So, I will get to sit a weekend and stew on it. I hated doing that during AML in 2015. Guess what, I still hate it in 2020. Maybe if its bad news they’ll rush it. I mean they look in the microscope and see blasts and call me immediately. Like on Friday, now that would at least not make me stew all weekend.

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At least now we know why I was sick for so long and feeling worse for such a long time. My Hemoglobin was taking a not exactly slow ride down the scale. This will make you feel bad and then worse as the number drops. Each tenth of a point drop makes a significant difference. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived thru it. It just sucks.

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Oh Hemoglobin going down also makes you fatigued beyond recognition. For the last month I have been sleeping a lot more than normal even for me. As a matter of fact, I am about to take another nap, partly cuz I am fatigued, and partly cuz I am trying to avoid reality; the easiest way to achieve that is fall asleep.

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Speaking of sleep, I failed that last night. I was to emotionally upset. I was/am sure this is the end for me. I have a lot to do before I die. I have no clue how long I have. I should have done some of this long before, but deep at heart I am a slacker and will always push things off until there is little time.

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Teresa is being great thru this. While I fell apart last night, she stayed my rock. When I started to get down on myself, she pulled me back up and remined me that the cancer isn’t my fault. Not that I needed reminding of that, just a gentle push our of that hole. It’s way too easy to blame myself for this even though I did nothing to cause it. Random Genetic Lottery.

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I’m going back to sleep now. You all have a wonderful day. I’m just gonna try to sleep it away. But first a video. Sorry about yesterday’s video, I’m sure nobody but me enjoyed it. I will endeavor to try to find a more popular video for today.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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