My immediate future

It’s Sunday August 16, a day the promises to be yet another hot and muggy day. I am glad Teresa chose tomorrow to go get my Covid-19 test, It is supposed to be so much nicer tomorrow.

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Sorry I didn’t write a blog yesterday, I was way too messed up mentally to try to put down things in words. I think I am a little better today, so I thought I’d give it a go. The worse that will happen is I hate what i wrote and you will never know I wrote it.

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So, there is a good chance that I might be actively dying as opposed to the passively dying I have been doing the last few years. That sucks. I joked about dying, death seemed so far away. I knew things could change in an instant, but I didn’t think that would happen to me. Now I sit here thinking about death and all the crap I have to do get prepared for the actual death. I mean I could be a real jerk and leave everything for Teresa to figure out, but that is not me. I got addresses to verify, I got stuff to sort thru, I got to figure out how I am going to get a Macho Combo Burrito from Del Taco now with my mom coming here. See, a lot of stuff to do.

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There really is no explanation as to why my blood stats keep dropping that isn’t bad news. I have been thinking about this on and off for 5 years now. You’d think I would be more mentally prepared. But let me tell you, finding out you are gonna die young and coming to terms with that is rough. No matter how much you think you are ready, it still come up and slaps you in the face.

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So, tomorrow I go get another Covid-19 test. Another swab up both nostrils. I haven’t been around anyone with Covid-19, hell, I haven’t left my house for non-medical stuff but one since March. But the hospital insists on testing me for Covid-19 again before they’ll do the Bone Marrow Biopsy, so I will suffer the swab again.

I see my shrink Dr. Eastin virtually on Tuesday. Boy do I have a lot to unload on him since we last spoke. Heh.

Then Wednesday morning bright and early (check in 7am) I go and get the bone marrow biopsy. Turns out that Mercy can put you to sleep for them too. Woot. I’ll go in expose my backside and take a little nap, then wake up with Hole #17 in my hip. Mercy uses Versed for knocking people out, Versed lasts a lot longer than the Fentanyl that Mayo uses. Heh. I may literally be wheeled to Teresa’s car while still asleep or close to it. Heh. Oh well, there is a first time for everything, this will be my first time with Versed.

Then I see Dr. Wehbe on Thursday. He won’t have the results, this is just the regular chemo check up. Teresa is coming with me for this appointment cuz I am probably gonna be a mess. I am NOT looking forward to those numbers from the lab test before seeing Dr. Wehbe.

I have to cancel the dentist appointment I had scheduled after Dr. Wehbe because my platelets are too low for dental treatment. NOTE TO SELF: CALL TOMORROW.

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Results on the Bone Marrow Biopsy should be available on Monday or Tuesday of next week. Stupid results take 4 or 5 days. And they do not count weekends. So I get to stew all weekend waiting for the results. Fun. Not.

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I’m taking Xanax and Lexapro to help deal with the anxiety and depression. I don’t think either is working very well. But I don’t think Dr. Eastin wrote them thinking death was on the playing board. He is in for a shock on Tuesday. Maybe we will up the amounts and that might work.

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I said 2020 was gonna be my year, back in 2019. Prophetic?

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Going back to bed. You all have a good day cuz I won’t.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

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