I hate this part

Well, December has started out very crappy. Doctor Wehbe, the man I trust most in my life, had to tell me that I am dying. I survived cancer for 5 years, but my poor body can’t handle much more. He was talking in weeks and days. I kind of got used to the “yeah, yeah, I am dying” but it wasn’t killing me. Well, now its become an in my face, I am dying. I wish I could say I am numb, but I am definitely not that, I am more like every emotion thrown together.

That was told to us, after I nearly had an asthma attack yesterday while doing the pentamidine thing. Should have seen the doc before and I wouldn’t have to have the pneumococcal pneumonia treatment.

Anyhow, it’s 4am on December 4th. The electric wheelchair guy is coming at 10. Guess I can tell him I don’t need one now. I have another standard wheelchair coming from Amazon on Monday. It’ll serve me these last few days.

My mom and brother are coming. Sucks that it comes to this to get them both to visit. They’ll be here from Sunday 5:15pm till Thursday 7:30am. At least I get to see them both before the end.

Dr. Alkhateeb wants me to come up to Mayo for one more bone marrow biopsy. Hoping to see a glimmer of something in there. heh, I seriously doubt Dr. Wehbe is wrong. But off to Mayo we shall go, one more time.

Dr. Wehbe has said he will keep me on infusions to stay alive for as long as my body accepts them. So Saturday 9am I have platelets going in. My hemoglobin is holding on, my platelets not so. They need to get on board with the plan.

I guess I am going to die with only half my bucket list done. Hardee’s filled the first part by bringing Western Bacon Cheeseburgers from Carl’s Jr to Hardee’s. Good on them. However I have no chance of getting a Macho Combo Burrito from Del Taco. Oh well.

I though I was dying before. Now it’s for real.