Hospice

(Written by Teresa, wife to Jeff)

I apologize for not writing to this blog before now. As you can guess it has not been a good week if I am posting here. It started this weekend when Jeff’s pain significantly increases. Then on Monday he started to get confused about basic things. On Tuesday I took him to a platelet transfusion, something he has had done a hundred times and he had no idea where he was or what the nurses where doing. He did not remember them, only me. He was unable to play his Skyrim read, or type. After 2 falls Tuesday night and obvious deteriorating mental issues I made the incredibly painful decision to call in hospice and stop all further treatment that was not just for comfort. Wednesday was also the day I realized I had partially lost my husband already.

To say he is not doing well is an understatement. He has gone down hill so fast this week it has giving me whiplash. He can barley take 5 steps with a walker and we tried to see if he could be lucid enough to talk to his brother but it was not possible. On Thursday morning he did not recognize even his mom. I have to have someone watch him at all times to even leave the room. I had to explain he is dieing about 10 times now, and that is excruciating for both of us. Today he he told me not to worry he will live forever with me. Part of me broke at that moment but I now think he is bad enough I wont have to explain he is not just sick. I just tell him soon he will feel better.

He still has yet to not recognize me and I am working hard to keep things the same for him so he does not get scared and to minimize the confusion. He often jumps in age in his brain. Thinking we have been married for only 8 years. However maybe the most essentially Jeff memory I can share with you is from last night where he reverted to a giggling mischievous little boy. He looked at me and said in a strangely pitch voice that I was beautiful. That he knew he would marry me someday. I asked him if he knew my name. He giggled and said, “Yep, it’s Teresa, which is my favorite name in the whole world” and gave me a huge smile.

I wont blog again until he has passed.

Author: Jeff Campbell

I am 50 year old guy, who beat blood cancer but is getting his butt kicked by bone marrow cancer. At this point it appears I am dying. Married and in love with the most wonderful woman in the world (27 years). She has stood by me thru a lot of crap and I love her so.

One thought on “Hospice”

  1. Theresa I wish I had an answer for you why we have to go through these terrible things and watch our loved ones go through this. The only comfort I found as I watched my loved ones go through it is that soon they would be at peace. We try to do everything we can to give them comfort to get to that place and pray that one day we will know the answers to why they have to suffer so. I pray that God give you strength to get you through this and he will be with you through every minute as he is with Jeff. May you find peace, hope, and comfort and love. You and Jeff are still in my prayers and will be be. Vickey

    Like

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