It’s been a while

Hey guys, sorry it has been a while since I posted here.  My bipolar kicked in and my mood went into the crapper.  I didn’t have anything new to say, or if I did I blew it off as non-important and went on with my life as it is.


So my blood numbers all went down and that freaked my regular doctor out.  She contacted my cancer doctor who ordered a bone marrow biopsy to find out that I do NOT have leukemia again.  He had no valid reason as to why my numbers all dropped at the same time, but at least he had some sort of plan.  And boy does his plan suck.  —-  100mg of Prednisone a day for a week, then go in for a blood test, then 90mg for a week, another blood test and so forth and so one til I finally go down to 10mg a day for a week, then maybe my blood production will go back to behaving like it is supposed to.

Prednisone is my instant-asshole med.  Turns me into a total jerk.  Makes me want to destroy things.  100mg is causing severe stomach pains.  I can’t eat enough in the morning to circumvent this pain.  Or so it sure seems, today I ate more than I ate for dinner last night and still had the pain.  So maybe food isn’t the answer and the answer is just deal with it.  I really do want my blood numbers to go back to normal normal, as opposed to the weird normal that had settled into.

Anyhow, I am fighting really hard to not take it out on my wife, my mother, my brother, my friends, my dogs, anyone I have to deal with.  It is being really difficult.  I want to scream and shout and break things, instead I am just cruising thru life, trying not to offend.


To that end, I have put both of my Mumble D&D games on hold.  Initially because of the depression I was in…  now because of the pent up rage I am feeling.  I hope that the people who didn’t know me before don’t bail on me.  As soon as I level out I plan to resume the games.


I cancelled the cruise next year for lots of reasons.  The biggest being my fear that the leukemia would come back right before we were supposed to sail.  That would be my luck.  Holland American Cruise Lines rocks though.  They could have kept 20% of everything I put in (I did read the paperwork).  Instead the refunded the whole amount or are refunding the whole amount rather.  That is super nice of them if you ask me.  I would guess that were I feeling physically and mentally better now, I wouldn’t have cancelled.  But with such extremes going on now, things could still be worse.


Oh yeah, remember my complaining about my back hurting.  Well it still hurts.  Of course it is my own damn fault for moving my desk into the bedroom and my computer from beside my bed.  Although, I do have to say that the desk setup looks marvelous.  Anyhow, my point I was making, it hurts my back to sit.  Lounging back on pillows with a keyboard in my lap was much better on making my back not hurt.  —  So, I start physical therapy next week.  Goody.  While dealing with pent up rage issues, I get a therapist telling me how I am supposed to stretch and move and sit and stuff.  This physical therapy is to make my pain doctor shut up.  He did give me a short in my nerve damage area of my neck and that feels 110% better, he did nothing for the rest of my back.  Not even pain pills of a minor form.  He said, physical therapy so off I am gonna go.


Skyrim is still my go to game to pass the day away.  I lost interest in the character I was playing last time, when I said this would be the one I would play to beat the game.  Heh.  I started an Orc Warrior who is now Master of the Assassins guild, Master of the Thieves guild, Archmage of the Mage school, and a Bard, oh yeah, he also collected all 24 special gems and the crown for the game killer quest.  That quest was not fun.  The resulting Prowler’s Promise or whatever it was called like that is an amazing result.  All the gems that keep showing up, where there used to be maybe 2 on a whole dungeon, there would be 40 or so for a run.  Not silly little cheap gems either, but flawless ones worth big bucks.  But I am bored with him now too.

Tried to play a caster AGAIN.  A Breton Conjurer.  Someone online posted it was the most fun he had playing the game ever.  I say he levels too ridiculously slow.  He is level 17 now and if he were a warrior or thief that did the same quests, I would have been level 30.  It’s the way you gain xp in the game that is screwy.  You don’t get xp for completing quests, you get it when you skill up any skill.  Well a Conjurer, conjures, the rest of his skills just kind of flounder.   There is no armoring to do.  Enchanting has minimal usage.  It was fun, but I am definitely a results for time spent kind of guy I guess.

I don’t know right now what new class/race I am going to try.  But I seriously doubt it will be a caster from the go.  Since anyone can learn to cast spells.  And even with a base starting out magic ability you can become Archmage of the mage school, even while carrying a 2 handed axe and wearing a full suit of dragonplate armor.    Heh, the game is a little screwy I guess.


I have given up on the diet and exercise thing I was going to try.  Well, the physical therapy will include some exercise I am sure.  But not joining a gym is part of my plan.  And not going on weight watchers is also part of the plan.  Why?  Because I don’t like brown rice.


So anyhow, to sum up my life.  I am an angry, sick, pained, Skyrim Junky, who would rather just be left alone right now.


Normally, I would be off to find a picture to put here.   But laziness has claimed the call.  So, no pic today.  Just a honest hope that everyone who reads this is having a better life than I am right now.

 

 

Pain and happier things

Yeah, this post is gonna be about Pain and me (and maybe some other stuff).  It’s not a great topic, but hey, I am getting older and pain is becoming a real daily thing it seems.


Firstly, the shot the pain doc game me did wonders for the spot he shot me in.  However, I did not think and he did not suggest that other spots were gonna freak out when I started sitting.  So now, as I sit here, I have 3 distinct trigger points going ape on my back.  One a little lower than the original, one a little higher on the other side, and then my neck/shoulder one decided it was gonna hurt like hell too.  So I called to get an appointment with the pain doc, she was all “we saw you last week”, and I am on the schedule for August 17th.  August 17th is a LONG way away, luckily they have a cancellation list and she says I should get in a lot sooner.  Let us hope, cuz I don’t want to be in pain for a month and a half.


The second pain is my stomach.  Weird thing, not sure what I did or ate.  But it has been in pain for a week now.  No, it’s not a stomach ache.  It’s constant moderate to severeish pain.  So, luckily, my regular doc has an opening at 3:15 today.  Find out if its some whacked food poisoning or something else.  All I know is that I want my stomach to not be in pain.


Oh, the last little pain thing is I can’t sit up in bed anymore.  This is gonna make watching TV very difficult.  For those that don’t know, we have a 55″ TV at the foot of our bed.  Anyhow, this is a new pain.  Not a severe pain, just a real annoyance.  Sitting propped up was my go to position in life.  Now I am gonna sit (uncomfortably, painfully) at my desk, until I can get thing straightened out with the pain doc.


On a cheerier note, Wednesday night D&D is a definite go.  Have 5 players now, and 1 more joining in August.  It’s gonna be cool.  I have the first adventure ready to roll.  I can’t tell you about it, cuz Cori is about the only person who reliably reads this blog and she is one of the players.  Lets just say, that the party is over geared so I am gonna boost the difficulty of every encounter.  I was worried it was gonna be too easy BEFORE I over geared them, now I am sure it’s gonna be too easy.  So more monsters are called for.  It’s all good.


I have decided, after talking about it for so long, that I am not going to join the gym.  I know myself, for a week or two I will go religiously, then other things will come up and I will just stop going.  Yup, that is how it always goes.  So I am gonna save some money and NOT join the gym.

Still thinking about weight watchers though.  I have lost about 9 pounds (according to Dr. scales) since I started eating more and smaller meals.  I might just be able to do that to lose my 20 more pounds and not need to bother with weight watchers.   I just don’t know.


Pucky and Mojo are confused that I am not in bed all the time anymore.  They look for me there and then come find me like wanting me to come back to where I belong.  It’s cutely funny.


If money is in my account, today I will be making my first payment towards the cruise.  I am so very much looking forward to it and it’s a year and a month and a half away.  Alaska in August… Woot Woot.  While people are melting here, I will be pulling on a sweater.  lol.  Yeah, buddy, gonna go on a cruise.


Pre-ordered the Tomb of Annihilation from Amazon, 45 bucks.  Little screwy for a D&D adventure book.  The price will probably drop here soon though and Amazon always guarantees the lowest price.  That will be good.  More ideas to steal and warp into my own special world.

 


 

We also ordered a new 81″ lamp to light up the computer area.  And a new nightstand for my bed, since I moved the desk.  These will be here on Wednesday, the 5th.  Teresa is gonna have fun putting them together while I run the first D&D session.  Amazon got a good chunk of money from us this weekend, but it’s all good.  Stuff we need at good prices…  well, I didn’t need the Tomb book, but still.  More stuff.


Tomorrow I say goodbye to Amazon Prime.  And then Hello to Teresa’s Amazon Prime.  Yeah, I have been the Prime holder since Prime started but Teresa wants it for some reason and since I don’t use it for anything but free shipping to here.  It’s all good, Teresa wants to use some of the features of Prime beyond the free shipping, who am I to argue with the logic of her being the main person.  And it just so happens that my account expires of July 4th.


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The return of the CPAP and weird sleep

Yeah, I was without my CPAP for 3 weeks cuz the mask pads had stretched too much and it leaked all over the place, including into my eye.  Finally got 2 replacement pads and 1 new mask with pad.  So it was back to CPAP for me starting two nights ago.  Well, the same thing happened to me when I first started with the full mask, I slept like 4 hours and then WOKE UP.  Not groggy or anything, just wide awake.  Then I would get tired and take a nap later.  It’s happening again.  It’ll take about a week for my body to get used to it and I will be able to sleep normally again.  I can’t wait.


Finally got enough players for my Wednesday night higher level D&D game.  Will take a while to get everyone set up, but we are hoping to start running by July 5th if everyone is in town.  Due to scheduling issues instead of 6 to 8 central time we are running 5:05 to 7:05pm central time.  This is gonna put a crunch on me eating dinner, but heh, I want to play, so I will deal.

So far we have a Cleric and a Sorcerer and 3 unknown classes.  10 days to get characters made and magic items distributed and make sure everyone can connect to the mumble server.  It’s all good, if I have to make their characters for them, I will.  I actually enjoy making characters so it’d be fun.  But right now, we are waiting on 2 of the players to pick their classes so the 3rd will pick his.  He wants to fill the hole, I can respect that.

I am debating sending an NPC along with them.  As long as I don’t have to play an NPC healer, it’s cool.  With a full blown life cleric I don’t think healing is an issue.  Having a permanent NPC in the party is actually kinda useful, any info that they need to know the NPC can just supply it.  But this is gonna be a well balanced party, so I may not run an NPC along.  We shall see how they gel before I get to into the idea.


Thursday is trigger point injection day.  Thank the gods for small miracles.  Get a couple shots with really big needles then be on my way.  Hopefully pain free.


I totally missed Chipolte day for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I meant to go get a burrito and the next thing I knew it was the next day.  Oh well, they still get my smile.amazon.com money.


We are about to make our first payment on the house.  It gets withdrawn on July 1.  I would say I was excited, but I am not really.  Autopay is autopay and I just watch to make sure there is enough money in the account for it, and that is not an issue anymore.


I will also be making my first payment (well second, but first since the deposit) for my mom and my vacation next August.   I figure my share will be paid off in 8 months.  So it’s all good.


I haven’t went on my diet yet, but I can tell just in how I have changed how and when I eat, I have lost some weight.  Not a whole lot, but enough to notice.


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I tried to sleep in…

This morning I sorta slept in.  I woke up cuz my back got to hurting so bad cuz I missed the 6ish ibuprofen.  Very frustrating.  At least I get to see the pain doc on Thursday.  Hopefully then the pain will be gone for a while at least.


Get rid of the pain and the gym is looking more and more in the picture.   I really want to start working out, I really want to lose some more weight and get in better overall shape.  The pain has been keeping me from taking that next step.


The diet is gonna weight a bit longer.  A good friend of mine said if I start working out I should be able to eat whatever I want and not worry about putting on the pounds.  I am interested in testing out that theory.  Weight watchers will be there if I can’t do as he theorized.


D&D game tonight went really well.  The party rescued the cleric and the mystic.  The cleric being my brother’s character who just joined the game and the mystic being an npc who really is interesting.  They fought goblins for the rescue, avoided a basilisk, and we finished mid fight with a pair of bearded devils.  I hate ending mid fight but…

Had a weird problem with mumble that I nor the guy who owns the server have ever experienced.  His end says I closed the connection.  My end said the server refused the connection.  Either way, for about 4 minutes I was unable to get back on mumble.  Weird.  Here’s to hoping it never happens again.

Everyone says they are having fun, and that is all that matters to me.


The Wednesday night, high level game, might or might not happen soon.  I changed the Facebook group to closed from secret making the group findable.  Then I changed the description to be an invite to players.  So maybe, just maybe, we will get a few players interested in playing that way.


I still hate the song Jump Jump.  Yeah, I ungave up the 90s channel, but as soon as Jump Jump starts I change it back to 80s.  Then it sits on 80s for a couple hours til I realize it and switch it back to 90s.  And then about that time, Jump Jump is back up.  Vicious circle.


I finally got a new mask for my cpap machine, so after a month or so of being cpapless and sleeping crapily.  I should get a good nights sleep again.  They also set me a whole new head piece and a spare mask.  WOOT WOOT.  Was expensive but so worth it imo.


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All that and a new MacBook Air too (maybe)

The Mumble D&D resumed well enough.  Only 1 character almost died.  Why?  Because the party did that thing that DMs hate and always turns out bed.  The party split up.  Luckily, the part of the party that went traipsing off could do enough damage and still get a healing spell off to save the almost dead character.  The 3 (no “Healer”) went off and randomly ran into a Wight and a few Zombies.  Not a big deal really, but for 3 instead of 6 it was a good fight.  Perhaps they learned not to split up in the future.  Perhaps not.  Time will tell.

We got a late start do to hardware failure.  And then things just never got moving so there was only the 1 fight the entire time.  But I think they might have caught on to what they are supposed to be doing.  And hopefully next week things will be smoother and we won’t have technical difficulties.  Did remember that I forgot to set my brother’s mumble up to be key activated to talk, gonna have to walk him thru setting that up.  My brother will be joining the Mumble D&D group next week.


Ibuprofen has been a godsend.  Doc said 600mg 3x day.  I was taking 600mg 4x a day and I hardly had any pain at all after the first day.  Today I went back to 3x a day and I have some pain.  So I will be going back to 4x a day regardless of what the doctor said.  I checked with Dr. Google and he said 2400mg is max daily.  So I am gonna do the 2400mg a day until the 29th and then hopefully not have to take it anymore for a few months.  I am very much looking forward to the trigger point injections and getting rid of this pain for a few months.  Back pain sucks.


Due to the back pain I still haven’t made my way over to the gym.  No surprise there.  I still plan on joining once I am able to.  And I am slowly making my way thru the frozen foods in the basement, then I will go on Weight Watchers.  I have already started working on portion sizes, and I am eating more times a day, these are things which need to be done to lose weight.  According to my doc’s scale, since I started working on portion sizes and eat more times, I have already lost some weight.  At high point I was 235 pounds, day before yesterday I was 220, now a lot of that way clothing difference.  Jeans and a thick sweatshirt vs shorts and a t-shirt.  But some of that had to be lost weight.  Gonna buy a scale for the house once I get serious about losing weight, I want to track it, and I want to lose back down to 200 pounds.  I will need to buy new clothes, but that is ok, Teresa won’t mind much.


I hope to not be in pain when I go see the dentist on Wednesday.  They are just gonna pull an old crown and get a mold for a new one and temp crown me.  Should by a no-brainer, quick in and out and then on my way.  I have 2 crowns that I got in Vegas that need to be replaced.  They, of course, are side by side.  One or both of them were misplaced, and they both gotta go according to every dentist I have seen since Vegas.  Finally 18 years or so later, I am going to get this done.  There should be no blood, and should be quick.


In 1 year and 2 months, my Mom and I will be in Seattle in a fancy hotel getting ready for a cruise on the ms Eurodam to the Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska.  Yup, way cool.  So happy that Mom decided to go with me.  If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t be going at all.  I wouldn’t be planning a vacation at all.  Next summer would be the same as always.  Sit at home doing nothing.  So next August will definitely be something to remember.  I am happy about this.


We may be buying Teresa a new MacBook laptop for work.  Her work has decided they are going to take away her old one.  And she feels she needs one.  It’s all good, we can afford one for her.  I just think it’s stupid they are taking her old one away when it works and is making her job easier.  But they “don’t support macs” so all the macs have to go.  BAH.


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Home

Got back to Des Moines a little after 11.  Got to leave the airport at 11:24.  Got home shortly after midnight.  1st flight I was next to a guy who didn’t speak English, no chatting there.  2nd flight was next to a lawyer who spent the whole time with his nose in his phone reading an email article so not chatting there either.  So, the flights were fairly quick and exceptionally boring.


The buckle on my belt sets off the machines at the airport.  On the way there, it was a quick pat down along the back of my belt.  On the way back, the guy checked front back sides, all around, including checking the package to make sure I didn’t have anything extra hidden there.  But heh, I got thru it, so it’s all good.  But for the record I don’t plan on flying into Midway again unless Delta makes a direct flight from Des Moines (which is highly unlikely to happen).  I had my 2nd rudest treatment by an airline person ever by a southwest baggage check lady.  Bad enough I am tempted to write southwest a bitchfest letter.  The worst still goes to the collective bunch at United.


Had Leukemia chat tonight.  The regular moderator was absent, the replacement moderator is an old friend.  Either she has notes or one hell of a memory.  But she remembered all sorts of things about the chatters that I had totally forgotten.  But all the moderators of Leukemia chat are great.


Made the reservation for the room the day before the cruise next August.  It’s all about getting a much pre-secured as possible.  So I don’t have to worry about it later.  I would book our flights too, but airlines don’t release the info for flights til 11 months before.  So, I can’t book the flights til September, which is also about when I will get current excursion information.  Holland America gives a slight discount if you book your excursions before the cruise.  So, that is the plan.  Have everything all ready and paid for so we can just get on the boat and go.


The doggies seemed to have missed me.  I haven’t been without at least one of them since I woke up today for more than 5 minutes.  I missed them too.  I love my Chihuahuas, they are such good doggies.


Some day I might make it to England and/or Scotland, but for now that dream is put on the backburner.  My back is just too thrashed to even consider riding on a bus for 14 days, let alone the long flights to and back.  I really do want to go.  Hopefully once I get myself together, I will get to the acupuncturist and start a real treatment plan.  That costs money though that is currently being diverted to paying for the cruise.  So, for now, back treatments happen when I hurt too much to think and not a real plan to permanently fix my problems.  Plus I am not sure I trust either acupuncturist that I have seen here to do the job right.  Oh well, I am gonna have to trust one I guess.  Probably little Chinese guy, cuz the White guy never once suggested herbs or anything else.


I’m gonna start back to Ant’s bipolar chat tomorrow.  Today was mostly spent asleep.


My car is sick again.  Most annoying.  Won’t back up.  Goes into reverse real fine, just the parking break is messed up.   So they will rebuild that again, charge us a small fortune, and it’ll make my 12 year old car good for a few more years, I hope.


I was right,  I have a couple pissed off players in my Mumble D&D game.  It was bound to happen and it was nothing personal.  Wizards just made that one expansion too powerful as a whole.  So I banned the expansion, the good news for the players should be that I am not using it against them either.


I had my first experience using the new stove tonight.  ooooooooooooooooooooooooo fancy.  Having a stove actually cook at the right temperature was a pleasant experience.  It has way too many buttons and features, but hey the price was right and it’s what Teresa wanted.  So, happy wife, happy life.


After my car gets fixed, I will be joining the gym I mentioned a few blog posts ago.  With the weather getting really hot and really humid here, I have no intention of walking there.  So, when my car gets fixed, I will go.  Don’t want to be wiped out before even getting to the gym.  As for the diet part, it’s being put off a little bit too, because I have a bunch of frozen stuff I need to eat that I don’t have points for.  But the diet is going to start sooner and opposed to later.


Thanks to my brother, I am discovering late 90s music for basically the first time.  After we moved to Iowa we got cable immediately and I listened to either 80s stuff or classic rock or alternative.  Music Choice 90s is exposing me to stuff I haven’t heard before.   I had written the 90s off as bad rap and other crap music.  Turns out there really was some nice music in the 90s.  Go figure.


It feels really great to be home, even though I am missing my mom and brother really bad right now.  Home is where I feel the most comfortable.  Home is where the love of my life is.  I just wish my mom and brother still lived close.  But then my brother wouldn’t have the job he has now and both he and mom would be pretty much miserable.  So the best I can do right now is go see them twice a year and hope that one or both of them come to visit here.


Jimmy turns 50 next year, mom actually thought I would miss that.  NOT A CHANCE.  Have to be there for the big 50 for my bro.  And I have to out due my gift to him for 49, which was a gargoyle toilet paper dispenser.  Hmmm, I got a little less than a year to come up with something EPIC.

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I give up

OK, I give up.  School is not for me.  I totally had a freakout meltdown today when I looked at the syllabi for my classes that started today.  It thru me into a serious depression.  I just can’t do school.  It is definitely not that I don’t want to, it’s that I can’t.

So basically all these months of talking about it was just that talk.  I am very sorry for wasting your time.


In good news, we bought a big thick mattress pad for our new bed.  Now maybe I will get a good night’s sleep.  Or a night’s sleep without waking up with a huge backache.


In chat news, there was a big dust up last night.  We lost one moderator and Ant, the guy in charge, said she would get her moderatorship back over his dead body.  It wasn’t pleasant.  We almost lost the other moderator too.  Which would have left  just me and Ant, not good.  Luckily she decided to stay.  And we have found a replacement moderator for the one we lost too, she is from Belgium but you wouldn’t know that English wasn’t her first language.  We are still looking for a couple more mods cuz right now I am doing like 12+ hour days and I would like a break.


Vacation plans to go to the Region are still on.  Will be there on the 31st, but since I am flying out at 6:05am I will not be in any shape to see people until I get a good nap in.  I will be there for my brother’s party on the 3rd.  Then I will be leaving on the 7th.  It’ll be so good to see my mom and brother again and to see my Region based friends.


Not going to school means Thanksgivingfest and Thanksgiving are back on.  I am happy about that.  So, whoever is hosting Thanksgivingfest, we are coming this year after all.  Bruce and Cori, I hope the bed is still available, if not let us know, we can afford a hotel if it comes down to it.

Teresa will be cooking for Thanksgiving proper at Ruby’s house.  Ruby asked her last year and Teresa said yes, so now Teresa will be able to keep that promise.

So, this is way cool.  I still would have rather done school (no offense to anyone aforementioned) but these 2 events make for a very happy replacement.


My therapist is gonna be upset at me for deciding not to do school.  She was all excited for me. I probably should text her and let her know it was a bust.


Tomorrow I go to the school to return my books so my financial aid account will go back to zero.  Would hate to drop everything and still owe them money.


I still plan on going on Weight Watchers when I get back from the Region.  Gym plans have changed since I don’t want to pay and drive to Ankeny.  There is a small gym here in town with all the required stuff and personal trainers I can hire.  OK, its not that small (according to their website) and it’s an Anytime Fitness with a 4.8 star rating.  I personally can afford the 36.99 a month to be a member.  And if that one doesn’t work for me, there is a Lifetime Fitness HUGE gym just down the road a piece.  One way or the other, I will be going on a diet/exercise regime to lose 35ish pounds starting sometime mid-June.

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