A Bunch of Babble

Still dealing with this stupid depression.  Stupid stupid stupid.  I know I have nothing to really be depressed about, but I am down.  I don’t think Teresa’s hypothesis (which I mentioned yesterday) is a factor in keeping me down.  It might have been the trigger, but it’s pure bipolar crap that is keeping me this way.  I should be in a good mood, I am getting what I wanted, but no, I am down in the dumps, thinking the world would be better without me in it.  No, I am not suicidal, I never get suicidal, I just got really down depressed, which is where I am now.

Furthermore, I know if I came off my Nimodipine this mood would flip in a heartbeat or two.  But I am not that stupid.  Cycling like a madman is not preferred over being depressed.  Just another crazy thought that goes through my head when I am down.  Heh, my filter must be off today.  Don’t mind me, I’m just the crazy guy in the corner wishing he wasn’t alive but not going to do anything to reach that wish.


I did go to lunch with my good friend Drew.  Yes, finally, the lunch we scheduled months ago finally happened.  Beirman Furniture (the business furniture store he works for) picked up the tab…  Thanks Nate.  We did go to HuHot and it was exceptionally good today and not very crowded.  So we had a nice lunch and a nice chat.  I almost forgot I was depressed, hanging out with my friend was good for me.


Then the dryer vent cleaner guy came.  He was a really nice guy.  If you live in central Iowa, then use Central Iowa Duct Cleaning, Gary is a stand up guy, did a great job, came out next day and didn’t charge extra for coming out to Adel, and his flat rate (including tax) was 106.00 dollars and he really had to work for it on our dryer vent.  Two major plugs, it took him almost a whole hour to unclog our vent, but now air flows through cleanly.


Now, after playing happy for a few hours today, I am feeling drained.  I am thinking of taking a nap between when I finish this blog entry and when Teresa gets home.  I don’t normally take naps this late in the day, but today I might just do it.


Well, I heard back from Mayo, May 17th is Transplant Day, Day 0.  Which makes the 8th day -9, when I first have to show up at the hospital to take some anti-seizure pills.  2 days of pills, then 5 days of 1 chemo, then 2 days of the other chemo, then a day off, then the transplant.  Then we find out if I have to have extra chemo after I get the transplant.  I hope not, that would truly suck, but Dr Alkhateeb has mentioned this possibility several times.


May 17th also is the day that the dietician people rescheduled the class from May 3rd.  DOH.  They obviously didn’t look at my schedule when they rescheduled the class.  Well, the class is mainly for Teresa and I will be having a lot of prep before the transplant, so maybe she can go while I am getting prepped.  Or maybe then can move it til the 31st when it’s offered again if they really want me to be there for it.


We are going to try to leave here the evening of the May 2nd and head to my mom and brother’s place.  It’s a 6 hour drive and Teresa plans to work a full day, then drive it.  OUCH.  But if anyone can do that, it’s her.  Us going depends on 3 things.  1.  We get all packed in time.  2.  Sumpter Pharmacy can get permission to fill my meds a day early and gets them filled in time.  And 3.  We get official word from Mayo that the donor is on board and it’s all a go.  (Yeah, we still haven’t gotten that).  I’m not too worried about the first 2, packing I can do while Teresa is at work and Sumpter Pharmacy has never let us down.  The 3rd item might be an issue, but I will start harassing them soon to get official notice.


The plan is to get to my mom and brother’s with the dogs LATE on the 2nd.  Then spend the 3rd, 4th and 5th there, seeing friends if they are up to it, spending time with my family, and I would say trying to get the dogs adjusted, but 3 days isn’t enough for that.  Then the 6th driving the 6 hours to Rochester from Portage.  Then taking the 7th off to just relax.  Then start my treatment on the 8th.   Seems like a solid plan if you ask me.  Everything seems reasonable except the 6 hour drive after a full day of work on the 2nd, I think that is borderline insane.


Oh yeah, Drew said he’s going to come visit me up in Rochester.  I told him it has to be after 20 days after transplant.  I will be pale, bald, and wearing a mask, but I will be happy to see him.  But he said he was coming, I said he didn’t have to, and he said that he was coming anyway.  That’s the kind of friend I have in Drew.


I have a couple other friends who were talking coming up to visit me, I do not know if they are still planning on it or if it’s even crossed their minds in the months this has been pending.  I guess I will have to reach out and find out for myself if they still want to come.  You know friends seeing you when you are at your absolute worse, fun fun fun.


Room in the car is going to be tight for the trip up.  Teresa has already blackballed a couple things I was planning on bringing.  However, she has agreed to my D&D books. Since I am only taking 4 or 5 and then having Modenkainen’s Tome of Foes delivered up there.  The case I am taking them in will fit without much problem.  I just get the feeling that the 2015 Dodge Dart was not meant to haul 2 peoples’ stuff for 4 months.  I think there is more room in the Neon, but Teresa doesn’t like to drive it cuz it’s a stick, well maybe not more room, but different shaped room (squarer trunk).


I’m also taking my big book about Skyrim.  It’s about the size of 3 D&D books.  I will make room for it.  Yup.


I can’t seem to get my head around being away from home for 4 months.  And that is assuming I get out on time.  Everyone that I have mentioned the 100 days to has basically chuckled and said, “OH, your on the 100 day plan” inferring that most people get stuck in the transplant house longer than 100 days.  Oh well, this is my mental block, I guess I will just have to live it.


Damn, I have been blathering for 1200 words or pretty close to it.  I think I will go grab something musically and then sign off.


Yeah, I usually try to find a video which means something or is special to me.  In this case, you get a video.  Sorry.

My plans have plans

Hmm, I sprained, strained, or tore something inside my right thumb.  Started hurting on Friday.  I think I am going to go to the doctor (well, Chris, the PA) tomorrow.  I wonder if the Adel Mercy office has an X-Ray machine?  Would be easiest for me if they did, then I wouldn’t have to go somewhere else.  For some reason I am thinking they do not, I am thinking I remember him saying so before.  Oh well, I will go see him, let him squish the far in joint, watch me squirm and yelp and then go about my business, which might include going to Mercy West Lakes and getting an x-ray of my hand.  Not a fun way to spend a Monday, especially not with other issues pending so close.


I am typing this mostly left handed, so I am not tempted to space bar with my right thumb.  It’s actually quite difficult.


Because I can’t type comfortably, my book that I am writing has been put on temporary hold.  I am approximately 8500 words in and feel pretty good about that even though I started writing 2 weeks ago.  I didn’t write anything while at Mayo, had my mind on other things.  I tried to write some (about 200 words) on Friday evening and it hurt my thumb a lot.  So, I have called a book writing hiatus.


If we do nothing for the speeding up of my transplant, it’ll happen in about 5 weeks or so.  15 work days is what insurance wants to approve the transplant.  I hope to be able to call the insurance company and possibly speed things up a bit.  I have the eerie feeling that my platelets are gonna tank 1 more time before the transplant, which would mean another platelet infusion which would cost them money.  So, you can see it’s in their best interest to approve me for the transplant early.  According to my transplant doc, it’s a slam dunk case, I get the transplant or I die.  Simply cut and dry.


Teresa discovered a way to play with her PlayStation on her Mac.  This is a good thing because there really isn’t a whole lot to do up in Rochester if you are the Primary Care Giver and not actively giving care.  Teresa plans to work, thus we are dragging her Mac up (used to be my Mac, long story) to Rochester.  If she happens to play the new God of War game in her spare spare time, it’s nobodies business but hers and I guess technically mine.


I am taking my D&D books with me.  I am gonna work on a large campaign for when I can get back to playing online with my friends.  This will probably end up being the largest campaign that I have plotted out, but when all you have is time, it’s, I won’t say easy, it’s less stressful than when you are budgeting time that you probably should be doing something else with.  And Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes is supposed to come out May 29th, so I have a new book of monsters to throw at the group.  Yeah, this campaign should turn out EPIC.


We still haven’t taken the dogs to my mom and brother yet.  We are holding out to the last possible minute.  It’s going to be rough to leave them behind, but this is what is the best for them.  The other options we had were too expensive and Pucky and Mojo wouldn’t get the amount of human contact they want/need.   So, when the transplant is scheduled, we will make the pilgrimage to the Region and drop off our furbabies.


I have lunch scheduled on Tuesday with my friend Drew.  Gonna suggest Gusto Pizza or HuHot Mongolian Grill to him and let him make the choice.  I am fine with either of these two places.  Gusto cuz well, it’s the best pizza we have found in the Des Moines area or HuHot cuz I am soon not going to be able to have fresh fruits and vegetables for quite a while.  So either choice is cool with me.


Yeah, for you who may be interested in sending something to me while I am in recovery.  Don’t send a fruit basket and any flowers.  Beyond the reason that both can kill me, they are also not allowed at the Gift of Life transplant house and will be rejected.  I will post the address for cards and stuff like that when we have a permanent housing spot for the 100 days.


Speaking of the 100 days.  Teresa overheard some of the Primary Care Givers talking about the 100 days.  Or the 160, 240, and year that these women had been in the transplant house.   I will go fricking NUTS if I have to stay much longer than the 100 days I was told.  I can understand if I am sick they aren’t letting me go, but if I am healthy, the damn well better let me go when they said they would.


As it stands, I won’t be cleared to travel anywhere for at least a year after my transplant.  So May 2019 is what it looks like.  That is ok, we wont be able to afford to travel before then anyway.


It snow again last night.  Started on APRIL 14 and snowed right into APRIL 15.  Someone needs to wake up mother nature and let her know that he world is supposed to be experiencing Global Warming.  Snow in mid-April is ridiculous.


Tomorrow I need to call Julie, my shrink’s secretary and relay the info that Mayo send to me for my shrink.  They asked for a letter with diagnoses and treatment stuff.  Still don’t know the name of my cancer shrink and I guess they aren’t giving it to me for my shrink either.  Oh well, we have a fax number and a general idea of who to send it to for sharing with Dr. Alkhateeb and the Cancer Shrink.


Heh, when I started typing this entry, I didn’t think it was gonna be over 1000 words.  I guess I had a lot more on my mind than I have had recently.  I guess I’ll cut this off here, I think I have ran out of ramble for now.


I may have played this song before on my blog.  But hey, “Don’t Stop Me Now”

Mayo, Pokémon, Teresa and Me

We got home from Mayo about an hour ago.  Tired, very very tired.  4 days of run here, run there, wait, run some more.  Every test that was promised happened except no Spinal Tap (darn) but definitely bone marrow biopsy #9 (with #10 scheduled already).  I managed to fail and unfailable test, I failed the renal exam cuz I could not pee on command and they were afraid to do the catheter thing cuz my platelets were so low.  So, we are heading back next Thursday for tests starting at 6:10am on Friday.  At least this time it is just 1 night and 1 day.  I am pretty sure after this week, next Friday will be a chump when it comes to the running we have to do.


Dr Alkhateeb made some points about my fatigue issues.  Like I shouldn’t really be having them.  So we are cutting Ambien completely, regardless of if I can sleep or not.  I am gonna be restarting my CPAP now that I google what I had wrong last time.  He also put me on a multi-vitamin do to my stomach surgery 24 years ago.  Also along with all this, I have to get up and move around more during the day.  Meaning a lot less napping for me.  The changes are not going to be easy, but heh, I can do it.  He said that he will not do the transplant if I am sleeping 12 hours a day, motivation enough.


Teresa has agreed to start doing stuff with me in the evenings (get your minds out of the gutter, or maybe it was just my mind).  We are gonna start walking or something like that, take the dogs out for evening strolls.  Something more than me walking back and forth in my house.


Weird thing, with the exception of the 9 day before transplant and the day of transplant, Mayo does its thing out patient.  Yup day 1 after transplant you are sent to stay in the transplant house.  You get up in the morning get blood drawn, then if you need blood products (hemoglobin or platelets) you go to the hospital and get it.  Otherwise you just go about your day at the transplant house.


Speaking of the transplant house.  It was everything we expected it to be.  No TV in the rooms was a little weird.  And eating only in the dining rooms was a little odd too.  But the place was meticulously clean and everyone seemed friendly.  So, even if it didn’t have a 30 dollar a night price tag, we would probably stay there.


My book was coming along well, til I determined that my fight scenes needed help, so another book was bought to read about writing fight scenes.  So, after I finish reading this new book, I will go tweak the fight scenes.  I tell ya, I am liking what I have written so far and I am by far my own worst critic.


You can tell the dogs missed us as much as we missed them.  Leaving them for however long is going to be hard.  Oh, I say however long because Teresa met some caretakers at the transplant house who were talking about being there for 100s of days one lady almost a year.  Gods I hope I don’t have to stay in Rochester for anywhere near that long.


I really should play some of my new games.  But I just haven’t felt like it.  I guess I just haven’t really been in a gaming mood.  That’ll hopefully be changing soon.


Oh yeah, DUH, the date of the transplant.  Still don’t have that as insurance now has 15 business days to approve it.  So we don’t start holding our breath yet.  The day is coming sooner as opposed to later.


We met more members of the TRANSPLANT TEAM while we were at Mayo.  Good thing we did, cuz now it makes a lot more sense.  We got a lot of questions answered and I feel pretty comfortable with the whole thing.


Dr Alkhateeb is very concerned with my bipolar.  On Friday along with some tests, I am meeting a Cancer Shrink.  Well, a psychiatrist who deals exclusively with people dealing with cancer.   I have no clue if she will know how to handle me, but we shall see.  They have also promised me talk therapy while I am being treated.  So, that is all set.


It figures that today, the day we left Rochester, was the first day where it was truly nice outside.  It was 50something, all the snow had melted.  It was a truly beautiful day.  The sun came out for the first time in our 4 day stay.  It’d been nicer if it had come out yesterday.


Oh yeah, we played Pokémon Go while we were in and around Mayo.  It was fun playing the game with Teresa.  We did some raiding, we gym battling, and a whole lot of catching.  Actually looking forward to going back just for the Pokémon, because now I am in the Pokémon rat hole of a town Adel.  Don’t get me wrong, I love our little town for a lot of reasons, but not because of it’s Pokémon craze.


Anyhow, I think I covered everything I wanted to cover tonight.  Thank you to my faithful readers, my fair-weathered readers, my new readers, my old readers, and anyone else who reads my ramble.  A little music to send you on your way…


Too much Anxiety is not a good thing

Anxiety has been a total beast today.  To the point where it’s making me physically ill.  I’d puke if I was able to (long story as why I can’t puke).  I just want next week to be over.  24 tests of appointments in 4 days is a lot.  I think a normal person would be feeling some anxiety over this, and I am far from normal.  For the new readers, I am bipolar and have a plethora of anxiety disorders, this is a big deal for em.  Anyhow, I know it has to be done, so I will do it.  Anxiety be damned.  I took an extra clonazepam today which has helped a little but makes me so fricking drowsy.  Bad enough to have cancer fatigue but to add med fatigue to it, it’s being rough staying awake.


Teresa is going to Palmer’s Deli to pick up dinner.  I’m not a huge fan of theirs, but hey gotta let Teresa get the dinner choice win from time to time, right?  I am getting what they call a sub, which is hamg, turkey, salami, lettuce, tomatoes and red onions (I think that’s it.  I get it -red onion and plus mayonnaise.  Oh, it’s served on ciabatta bread, so it’s all good.  Plus is get a huge rice krispie block, so it can’t be all bad.  Might have ordered soup tonight but Teresa has to stop at the store tonight, so whatever we got had to be able to sit out in the 20something degree weather for the time she is at the store, so no soup.


Still very happy about the nothing necklace Teresa got my for our anniversary, sometimes soon I will post a picture.  Just being lazy about taking a picture right now.  I mentioned this necklace the other day.  A little history this time.  My original nothing necklace was bough around 1993 when I was buying accessories for my SCA garb.  I decided I liked it and began wearing it just about everywhere.  For years, if you saw me I had on my nothing necklace.  At the time the nothing necklace was a bronze ring on a leather necklace, Keria (my chow at the time) ate the leather, so it was replaced by a strap of lingerie.  I wore this for a long time, not quite sure why I took it off or subsequently it got lost.  But lost it is for now.  A lot of memories are attached to that necklace.  Mostly good ones.

Come our 25th Anniversary, Teresa went and bought me a solid silver nothing necklace.  Just a silver ring on a leather necklace.  Memories came flooding back, like I said mostly good ones.  It means so much to me.  I love her so much, I can’t love her more, but if I could I would for getting met his necklace.


Tomorrow I am gonna watch Supercard of Honor on the Honorclub by Ring of Honor.  Should be a really good show.  I am actually thinking I might be more looking forward to this wrestling PPV over Wrestlemaia on Sunday.

Sunday is the biggest card of the year for the WWE.  Unfortunately I won’t get to watch all of it live cuz even though my ipad has cellular, there are cellular dead spots on the way.  But they put it on the WWE network a couple days later, so its all good.


I had to bail on my first book attempt.  It was good while it last 7500+ pages, but it was too tough to write about Washington DC without having exacting knowledge of the area or at least having been there once.  So Bryan McKinley will never be there hero he deserves to be.

I know I said the Orcs, and Elves, and some such was BORING.  But hopefully my new book attempt won’t be rehashing what has already been hashed.  My new book, so far, is about an Orc who got knocked out and missed the whole battle.  I am only 750 pages into this one (having started it today while dealing with a lot of anxiety).  But it’s flowing pretty good in my opinion.  At this point I have no idea where he is going, but hey, he’ll tell his story.


The updated weather for our trip Sunday is the same as it was.  Snowy and Windy the whole way.  Gonna take us 5 hours I bet to do the 3 1/2 hour trip.  Not looking forward to the ride, so glad Teresa does the driving.  Did I mention that the Winds pick up the further north we get.  Yay rah.


I have 24 tests or appointment in 4 days next week.  A lot of rushed meetings.  But it’s all good, most are in the same buildings.  I am dreading the bone marrow biopsy #9 and the Spinal Tap the most.  I am curious to see what a cancer psychologist will have to say.  I still wonder what happens if I fail one of these tests, do they tell me No transplant and I am just doomed to die from AML?  Interesting question.


I haven’t played any games for a few weeks.  Just having felt like it.  I’m chatting with my bipolar buddies a lot more over at Edwinas.  And on Thursday nights I do my Acute Leukemia chat.  Sleeping a lot, so I get up and start writing or have lunch and then start writing.  Today was just weird cuz of the Anxiety.


Well, Teresa should be home soon, so I’ll go now.  Music this time….


So Happy It’s Thursday

Still haven’t heard from Dr. Alkhateeb, he said he’d call me this week, wasn’t expecting to hear from him until Friday anyway.  This whole getting ready for a transplant has been a whole lot of waiting.  And I really hate waiting.  Anyhow, I am under the assumption that tomorrow (if) when he calls he will have all the steps laid out.  We got a lot to do before the transplant and it’d be nice to know when things are going to happen.  It will also be nice to know the status on my would be donors.  It’d be nice to know that one of them has agreed to be my donor and it is all set up.  Realistically Teresa and I are both in agreement that Dr. Alkhateeb probably still doesn’t know.  I hope we are wrong.  Anyhow, it’ll still be great to have things in motion.


I chose to cancel my water delivery service this delivery cycle.  I have the feeling that we aren’t going to be available to cancel it for the next service date.  Teresa thought I should keep it going, I just don’t want to have the hassle of having to remember it while all the transplant stuff potentially could be going on.


I am feeling pretty good except for the cough I got from my new blood pressure medicine.  Now I have the question, since the blood pressure medicine is working so well, do I just live with the cough?  Right now I decided yes.


Tonight we are making homemade pizza.  Pineapple Ham, Pepperoni, and Green Pepper. Teresa really knows how to make the pizza just perfectly.  Have I mentioned how wonderful it is being married to an excellent cook?


Thanks to my friend Caly I got a book called Dazzling Dialogue.  It’s a book that tells me everything I was doing wrong with my dialog I was writing.  And then it shows examples of how to do it right.  Right on, that is exactly what I needed.  And for 3.99 the kindle version works just fine.  I may just end up buying a few more of the author’s books on writing.  He has covered a lot of topics that I think would help me write a better book.  I got up to page 22 and then started reading the Dazzling Dialogue book and realized just how bad my writing was.  Other books might just be what I need.  Who knows.  But at 3.99 I can afford to buy a couple.


The fatigue is unreal.  I go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 11am.  Then take a nap in the afternoon for 2 or 3 hours.  Then it repeats day after day.  It’s 12:47pm now and I am thinking a nap would be good right now.  When I am not sleeping, I am so drained that I can’t do much.  Frustrating.


I downloaded EVE Online again with hopes to play it.  I played it once before several years ago, I remember it to be kinda fun but difficult.  I think this time I will read the forums on how to get started and maybe it won’t be as hard.  EVE is a space game, you fly your ship around and do stuff.  It’s an MMO, but not an MMORPG, I have no interest in an MMORPG right now.  Still burned out after WoW.


Speaking of World of Warcraft, Teresa was invited into the Alpha of the next expansion but I don’t think she is gonna accept it.  We got too much going on right now to give an Alpha run a worthy go.  As a matter of fact, since she got the alpha invite I don’t think she has touched WoW.  She goes thru cycles where she plays every night and then doesn’t touch it for a  week or so.


Heh, REO Speedwagon is coming to Prairie Meadows Casino in October.  I was thinking it might be a nice night out after I have recovered.  I should be good for a few hours out by mid-October.  Well, I look at prices, 156 bucks for the floor seats.  I was floored alright, dang c’mon, REO is a great bad but they haven’t really been current for 20+ years.  It looks like I won’t be seeing REO Speedwagon in October.


Teresa wants to go to the movies on her Birthday.  Which happens to be Easter Sunday and April Fool’s Day.  1.  I hate crowds.  The place is going to be packed.  2.  I don’t care to see Ready Player One.  The movie looks cableworthy. BUT 3.  I really love my wife and if she wants to go, we will go.  The other option is Red Boxing Star Wars the Last Jedi and staying in to watch that.  I am much more in support of that choice.  Either way, it’s all good, I’ll spend the day with the love of my life.  Her birthday present doesn’t get released until the 20th.


I never did find a dentist who could get me in while my platelets were up.  So while everyone is praying and sending good thoughts.  Please add a little addendum that my tooth doesn’t abscess when I have zero white blood cells.   Thanks in advance.


When I get back from Mayo, I may be looking for a new shrink.  I love Dr. Fialkov, but only having 1 day a month that I can see him is really inconvenient.  And having to call the secretary lady and hope she can get ahold of Dr. F if I need something is getting old.  So, I just might go in search of a new shrink.  I assume that while I am up at Mayo that they will keep the same meds going into me and I won’t have to see a shrink.


Yup, definitely going to take a nap.


Complete with Chili-Cheese Fries

My platelets tanked again, on Thursday they were at 11.  Chris, my PA, have a mini-freak out about this and called Dr. Wehbe’s office who, in turn, set me up to get platelets on Friday.  We arrived at the infusion center 10 minutes before the appointment time (cuz I knew I had to do the whole check-in procedure).  And we sat.  We sat out in the waiting area for a good 20 minutes before they called us back.  Finally got called back, got the IV hooked up, made some funny jokes, chatted with a few of the nurses who remember me from Leukemia Round 1.  And then I waited.  Turns out that the hospital was OUT of platelets.  It was finally 2 hours later when the nurse informed me that the platelets had arrived and off she went to get them.  Getting the platelets was nothing special except they were really cold going in.  45ish minutes later, I was out of there.  Hopefully this infusion is the last one I get until transplant time.


Dr. Wehbe’s office faxed Dr. Shin, Dr. Shin doesn’t want my information any more.  He called me and politely informed me that Dr. Alkhateeb is the one things need to be faxed to.  I had already had Chris fax the results of my CBC to Dr. A.  So the call was really unnecessary except to let me know to tell Dr. Wehbe’s office to only fax Dr. A and not Dr. Shin.


Next week I find out “THE PLAN” as far as the transplant goes.  Whether that means Monday or Friday or in between, I don’t know, just “next week”.   I am anxiously awaiting this plan.  We have things to add in between parts of the plan (like getting our dogs to my mom and brother).   This plan will give a more real feel to this whole procedure, until now, it’s just seemed like it could be happening to anyone, if that makes sense.


I have felt like crap since the platelets.  Might be coincidence, might be some weird reaction.  But feeling like crap wasn’t the goal.  My head is pounding on and off (Tylenol has helped this) and I have a general feeling of crapiness.  Can’t really identify anything as wrong, just don’t feel well.  Oh wait a minute, I started a new blood pressure med, and I always feel crappy after starting a new blood pressure med.  That is probably why I feel so rotten.  Just coincidence.


I still haven’t played my Train game.  Yeah, I keep saying I am gonna.  Just haven’t for one reason or the other.  Now I think I am going to save it to have something to do during recovery.  There are going to be many hours of just sitting around doing much of nothing.  100 days is a long time to fill with stuff.  A new game might just fill a good chunk of that.


I haven’t played Skyrim in a couple weeks.  I don’t really know why, just haven’t felt like it.  Lots of hours have been logged into Skyrim, so I don’t think I am gonna just get up and walk away from the game.


I’m thinking of trying to write a sci-fi/fantasy story.  I have what I think is a good idea in my head.  Been having dreams about this story.  Just have to get over my thing about writing dialog…. when I have written stories before, the dialog always sounds corny.  There is going to be a lot of dialog in the story I am gonna try to write.  So, either I fix it, or I let someone else in on my concept to help with the dialog.  Oh well, right now it’s just a jumble of an idea in my head.  Maybe tonight or tomorrow I will put something down and maybe make an outline.  I assume that is what authors do.


Teresa cooked 2 types of chili tonight.  I was going to cook 1 of them, the traditional Campbell chili, but she knew I wasn’t feeling well, so she made that.  Then the 2nd chili is like Del Taco’s.  Or at least what we remember Del Taco’s to be like.  Since we live 100s of miles from the nearest Del Taco we have to go by memory and not actual.  But tasting her chili brought back memories, and its gonna be delicious over crinkle fries and with nacho cheese.   Yep, we are gonna go there, Chili-Cheese Fries inspired by a craving for Del Taco.  Heh, it’s only been 15 years since we had Del Taco.  Now, those of you who read this who are lucky enough to have access to real Del Taco Chili-Cheese Fries, have some for us.


Now if she could only replicate Carl’s Jr Western Bacon Cheeseburgers, we’d be very happy.  The Western Bacon Thickburgers that Hardee’s comes out with every so often just aren’t the same.


 

Too much but not enough information

I think waiting to know if one of the potential donors can and will be a real bone marrow donor is worse the waiting of just not knowing.  I know they told me about the donors to help keep my mood positive, but what they achieve was making me fret more.  I hate waiting, I hate not having a clue how long it takes to find out, seriously, I just hate this.  I would have rather been 9-10 weeks for the whole thing maybe sooner as opposed to “there are 2 potential donors” but we won’t tell you how long that it’s going to take.  Bah.  The anxiety is so bad its actually affecting my mood, my mood is going up and down.  Not the best thing to be having bipolar issues right before I have to go before the cancer psychiatrist and prove I am mentally strong enough to go thru this.  Anxiety caused by knowing, but not enough.  Bah.


I haven’t played Skyrim is a few weeks, just haven’t been in the mood.  It happens.  I still think it is the best game to come out in years, and I am sure that I will be going back to it soon.  I just needed to take a break.

Yesterday, however, I started playing Civ4 Warlords again.  Couldn’t get a start that I liked, but I screwed around starting over and over again and again for a few hours.  Perhaps eventually, I will get the start I want and maybe beat the game on Conquest without nukes.

Today, I ordered Railway Empire.  If you ignore the ratings on Amazon, it’s supposedly a really good game.  Kinda like Railroad Tycoon on steroids.  I love railroad games.  I don’t know why, I just do.  This one if supposed to be really stand out pretty, and very in depth as far as managing your empire.  So I am very much looking forward to this game.  It’ll be here on Thursday around 10am.


I watched WWE Fastlane yesterday.  I can honestly say, it was one of my favorite PPVs of the year and if you go back a year and see my review last years Fastlane, I liked that one too.  Fastlane is still s stupid name for a PPV.  But hey, WWE had to come up with like 14 PPV names, they couldn’t all be golden.  Anyhow, as I was saying, Fastlane was a good PPV.  It wasn’t nearly as predictable as many of WWE PPVs, which is always a nice thing.  And whereas I am happy that A J Styles is going to WrestleMania to face Shinsuke Nakamura for the title, I did not like the ending of the 6 pack challenge.  The booking of Shane McMahon getting involved with the match was just STUPID.  Beyond the last match, I thought it was all solidly done.  Oh wait, I forgot that bit about the Bludgeon Brothers destroying the Uso brothers and the New Day, that was pretty lame.  I don’t care for the Bludgeon Brothers gimmick, I like both the wrestlers, but the Big Brute gimmicks are just lame.


John Cena just got thru challenging the Undrtaker for WrestleMania.  A part timer vs a retired wrestler.  YAWN.  But I guess they ran out of ideas for John Cena.

Beyond that match, I think I am looking forward to WrestleMania this year.  I have not always been able to say that.  It should be a good show this year, even if it’s gonna be pretty predictable in the big match category.

I hope to either be thru the transplant or not in the hospital for WrestleMania.  Again it goes back to just having zero idea of what is going on with the donors is annoying as all Hell.


I have been fighting the flu the last few days.  Not entirely sick, but not entirely well either.  I can’t afford to get really sick right now, but I guess now is better than in a couple weeks.  So, I will take the coughing and hacking right now I guess.  Just wish my body would decide I am sick all the way or not.


So, here is the deal.  When I find out anything, I will let you all know both in this blog and on Facebook.  I know those of you who care really are waiting with me.  So, you all with be 3rd or 4th to know.