I’m alone and it’s weird

It is quiet and lonely in the house this morning.  The dogs are at the vets, Teresa is at work, I am here, possibly for the first time ever, totally alone in my house (we have always had pets since we moved here).  It’s a weird feeling, I almost don’t know what to do with myself.  I don’t think being this alone is good for me.  Weird stuff is running thru my brain.

Teresa’s car needed a jump this morning.  We jumped it, I let it sit for an hour, even took it for a little drive around a couple blocks.  Teresa took my car to work.  After the hour, I turned the car off and it started right up.  I am like cool.  I shut it off again, then went inside for a while.  Did I mention it’s 43 degrees and raining fairly hard?  I went back out 20 minutes later.  Tried to start it, DEAD again.  Luckily we live only a few blocks from the place that fixes our cars and they are cool people.  Called them up and they sent a guy over with a jump pack to jump the car.   We jumped it real quick and then I drove it over to the repair place.  They then gave me a ride home after telling me they will check everything and give me a call with a price.  What a morning.  I am waiting now for said call.  Alone, in my home, having weird thoughts.

My lunch that was tomorrow, got moved to Thursday, but then I was reminded that I have a cancer blood check appointment on Thursday, so that rules Thursday out.  Friday is shrink appointment, so that rules Friday out, so we are now having lunch some time next week.  LOL, it’s ok, he is a good friend, we will get together.  It’s his turn to buy lunch anyway.

We actually turned the heat on last night (and its gonna probably stay on).  Cold and wet is most of the forecast ahead for the next week.  Thank the gods that the furnace didn’t have trouble again when we turned it on.  It’s all good when it works, but a couple times over the last several years the furnace has had problems with a little gizmo inside it.  Same part every time.  Heh.  The repair place for furnaces sends the same tech out every time and he had actually not charged us labor for the last time, he just walked in with the little gizmo and swapped it out and walked out like 3 minutes later.  It’s almost ridiculous.

The dogs were really nervous when we dropped them off this morning.  They always get nervous over visits to the vet.  But when the vet tech picked them off to take them to the back, they both got super nervous.  I don’t think Mojo has ever been taken back, and the last 2 times Pucky went to the back, he had knee surgery.  This time they are just having their teeth deep cleaned.  But that does take putting them under, so I’m a little nervous for them.  By now, they are probably done and in recovery.  Won’t know how it went til later this afternoon.  But for now, no news is good news.

The high-level D&D game starts back tomorrow night.  I posted what the Paladin detected as his last action last time.  The reactions have been humorous.  Undead to the right, Devils to the left, Vampire in the middle.  LOL, if they play it right, it’ll be a challenge but not impossible.  If they screw around, there will be a total party kill before they get to the final guys.  I nerfed every encounter a little bit, so they should be able to handle this.

The low-level D&D game starts back on Friday night.  This will be the final adventure of the story arc that actually started like 4 months ago.  It might even be delayed another week due to the player whose character is the main focus of the finale might have to give his daughter a birthday party thing on Friday night.  I really should ask him if that is the case so we can announce that the game will be postponed 1 week.  I don’t want to run this final part without him actually playing his character as his character has a significant role in this set of encounters.

Flexeril is still keeping my back feeling pretty good.  But I can’t seem to do any stretches without a lot of pain.  My physical therapist said that’s not good, so he told me to stop going to him.  So, I called my pain doctors office to get on the list to try to get a sooner appointment, right now I am set to see him December 22nd.  DOH.  Anyhow, I am now on the list, that’s good.  Plus they called me in a refill on my Flexeril, I don’t know if I am gonna be on it forever, but for now, it’s good to have a supply.  And the grumpy lady who answers the phone at the pain doc’s office was actually pleasant with me, I made her laugh, I’m good at that.

Blood check is Thursday morning.  I’m not looking forward to my platelets (and rest of blood levels) going down more.  I feel nervous enough about where the platelets are, I don’t need added stress about them going down more.  And like I mentioned before, no one but me is noticing the other stats are going down a little bit each month, not as noticeably as the platelets, but still it is happening.

Teresa just Skyped me that she is coming home in an hour or so and finishing the day from home.  Can’t say how happy I am that she is going to be here sooner as opposed to later.  She is still sick, she shouldn’t have went to work in the first place.  I’m sure that the workers around her are making her leave.  I’m not afraid of her germs, heck I’ve lived thru all of Teresa’s illnesses over the years and only got 1 worse than her, most I have somehow magically evaded them all, only feeling bad for a day or so compared to her 4 or 5 days of being SICK.

Gonna mention this here.  I am toying with the idea of trying school one more time.  Starting in the Spring.  January actually.  I filled out the FAFSA.  I have figured out a schedule.  I know I can’t do online in the summer.  But I think I could do in person during a real semester.  I still have to talk to Teresa about it, so PLEASE no one mention this to her.  I will bring it up when she is feeling better.  This is very much in the kicking around the idea stage.   I think I could do a real semester.  Not sure.  But dammit, I think I am gonna try.

Out with the old…

The old laptop has been replaced.  Not sure what I am gonna do with it.  It still does word processing and business stuff really well, just doesn’t and never has ran games well.   I am writing this blog post on my shiny new laptop.  It plays Civ4 like a champ.   Tomorrow, if I get some sleep tonight (HA HA), I will fire up Skyrim and give a dragon fight or two a go.  I really like this new laptop, its a Republic of Gamers Game Notebook Strix.  I am slowly transferring all my hardware over to ROG hardware, I really like the stuff they put their tag on.

Sleep has been elusive for the last couple weeks.  Stupid prednisone side effect.  My meds knock me out ok, but I am awake after 2 or maybe 3 hours.  Wide awake all day until my meds hit again at night.   So I am doing 21-22 hour days for over a week.  Makes for one tired, grumpy guy.  Hopefully when I come off the prednisone on Friday, I will be able to sleep on Sunday maybe.  I don’t know how long prednisone stays in the system…  With my luck, it’ll take a week to get out of my system and I won’t sleep even when not taking it.  Eventually my system will just shut down and I will SLEEP the sleep of the dead for like 36 hours.   I used to have really bad insomnia issues, I remember doing these kind of things and then crashing for a couple days.  Hopefully I come off prednisone and my body goes back to normal quickly.

Wife is worried that since I have a gaming laptop now, I will spend all my time in bed again.   I spent less than 5 hours in bed playing tonight, will she was home.   Beyond that all day I was on my desktop gaming system with the 34″ dual monitor setup.  I still prefer to game on that than this laptop and it’s 15″ monitor.  This laptop is primarily for when I go out of town, so my games can travel with me.  Or when Teresa is sitting in bed playing on her ipad, I will break out the laptop and spend time with her.  Otherwise, its gaming desktop all the way.

Can’t wait for mom to visit.  I really do not get to see her enough.  Now I will get a whole week with her, without the distractions of the Region.   Even though she thinks Des Moines is the single most boring place on the earth, I hope we can find some stuff to do together.  I’ll make her drive everywhere.   I don’t care to drive much anymore.

I had a twinge of back pain today.  I am on the minimum dosage of prednisone now, so the pains might be coming back.  That’ll mean physical therapy starting for me.  I don’t want to do physical therapy (AGAIN) but my pain doc won’t give me anything for the pain in the lower and mid back, so I will give physical therapy a real try this time.  I have never went into physical therapy for my back with the thought in my head that it should work.  This time, I am going in with the hope and thought that it is going to do what it is intended to do and strengthen my back so I am not in pain all the time.  I may add acupuncture to the back cocktail if physical therapy works.  Double the treatment Eastern Medical practice and Western physical therapy.  Best of both work perhaps?

Been too tired of late to play Skyrim.  Skyrim requires thought to a certain extent, and my mind is a terrible fuzzy wasteland right now.  So instead I have been playing Civ 4 Warlords.  I own multiple copies and all the DLC of Civ 5, couldn’t stand it.  Civ 6 looks interesting but I am not into how they changed combat.   It’s all right I guess, but I like Civ 4, build big stack of badness, go squash little stack of meekness, take city, laugh hard, rinse, repeat as necessary.

OK, I have talked about Music Choice on here before.  I discovered a new channel (new to me), the y2k channel.   They play 2000-2011 music.  The stuff I listened to on the radio cuz there was no classic rock station or because it offended Teresa less.  The dogs stepped on the remote and put it on one day and I didn’t even notice it was something different until a couple hours later.  It’s cool.

I am new to this blog stuff, I don’t know how often I am supposed to publish.  I went thru a phase where I published multiple a day or at least one a day, but that was when things were going on for me.  Now that I have accepted that I am to do much of nothing short of gaming for the rest of my life, there just isn’t a whole lot to say.  There is only so much you guys would want to hear about my low blood numbers and no hope of them improving.  Lots of stress there, but nothing about it has changed since the last 2 times I mentioned it.  Back pain going on was cool, now its coming back, not cool.  So forth and so on, lots of the SSDD for me, so I tend to save a bunch for a big post.

D&D will resume after my mom comes to visit and maybe after my mother-in-law’s visit.  Anyway, it is looking like the first week of October.  Yeah, long break again.   Sorry folks but it is how my life has went, severe depression, then anger, rage and general foul moodiness, the it will be too much pain to sit for 2 hours straight, then company staying at our house that I need/wamt to be attentive to.  D&D will resume just in time for my fall Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Yup, sucks to be waiting on me.  Sorry, so very sorry.

Oh, it is 10pm, time to take my nightly meds, sleep comes in a couple hours.   Then I will sleep for a couple hours, then I will be up playing some game or the other.   I am drag-ass tired, been this way for a while now, hope is in sight, just have to reach out for it.


And so it goes…

Tapering off prednisone quickly is causing me to be moody as all hell.  Sleeping a lot, which was not what was supposed to happen on prednisone.   I have 2 more days on 40mg, 3 days of 20mg, and 5 days on 10mg and then I am done.   Maybe then I will stabilize out again and be able to function “normally” again.   I can hope.   I can dream.

I have totally given up on the idea of ever working again.   Especially if my blood numbers never improve.   I get dizzy while seated.   I bruise/bleed really easy.  I get the sniffles if someone within 10 miles sneezes.  This is just preposterous.  Right now, I don’t feel I can safely leave the house.   Well, I can’t drive safely on prednisone (road rage) but besides that, I just don’t feel comfortable being out and about.

My chronic random cough has been happening a whole lot lately.   The cough I picked up during chemo.   It’s a hard hacky cough that normally goes away after a couple hours.   Well, this time it has lasted 3 days.  Lasted thru 5 doses of cough medicine.   May have to email the cancer doc’s nurse and see what is recommended to deal with it becoming a more permanent thing.

My kidney hurts again (still).   I haven’t went to the regular doctor yet cuz I want to talk to my cancer doc about it first.   Since he would have to ok any procedure beyond just wait til it passes.   I have an eerie feeling that the stone is larger than I expect it to be and something is going to have to be done to break it up.   The procedure supposably causes huge bruising on your back or front (depending on the location of the stone).   The bruise is reported to last 1 month on non-bleeders, imagine it would be 3 or 4 months on me right now.

On to non-medical stuff.

Pucky loves the doggie door and loves to sit outside in the sun for hours.   Mojo has taken to being totally afraid of the doggie door.   He won’t go thru it either direction without serious bribing.   Very frustrating.   Just want the dogs to go outside and do their thing without having to open the door each direction for one of them.

I was wrong on the dates mom is coming to visit.  She is coming September 14th thru the 21st.   Then my mother-in-law is coming for the last week, I think.

My new laptop is taking a long time in coming.   Ibuypower.com has “started gathering parts”, which was started yesterday.   How long does it take to gather parts?   Should be a grab grab grab, put it together.  Make sure it boots and runs.   Ship it out the door.   Total time they are supposed to have it is for 10 days max, they are 3 now.  I guess I am just being impatient.

It will be my luck to get the laptop DOA, like my pc was initially last time I ordered from them.  The good news is they jump on DOA products and get replacements out really fast.  I like ibuypower a lot.   I would recommend them to anyone looking to buy a computer or laptop.   Good prices, Good service, Good selection.  Can’t argue with that.

Summerslam was last weekend.   Overall, I liked it, except the whole Brock Lesnar win.   I am so ready for him to retire from the WWE altogether.  Go back to MMA where people appreciate you.   This casual/serious WWE fan is tired of the whole Brock Lesnar product and wants to see someone else be Universal Champion (but not really Braun Strowman, save him for another complaint rant).

Being on prednisone has got me out of having to go to Therapy and Shrink appointments for a few weeks.  Has been kind of nice.  But alas, I am going to have to go back when I can.   It’s just I wish I didn’t have bipolar and wish I didn’t have to do therapy and shrinkage.

I haven’t did a bipolar chat in a long time.  And I keep missing Leukemia chat.  No bipolar chat cuz I have other issues going on and don’t feel like bringing them up in bipolar.   No leukemia chat cuz I keep forgetting it is Thursday night until AFTER it is too late to join the chat.    I suck, I know it.

With any luck, D&D will resume in 3 weeks.  I hope the guys and gal who plays are still interested.  It’s been a longer break than I had intended, but a necessary break.  First I was depressed, then I was prednisoned.   The depression was bad and looked like it was gonna hang around for a while.  Then the prednisone made me a jerk.  Neither mood is conductive to good gaming.  I hope everyone understands.




It’s been a while

Hey guys, sorry it has been a while since I posted here.  My bipolar kicked in and my mood went into the crapper.  I didn’t have anything new to say, or if I did I blew it off as non-important and went on with my life as it is.

So my blood numbers all went down and that freaked my regular doctor out.  She contacted my cancer doctor who ordered a bone marrow biopsy to find out that I do NOT have leukemia again.  He had no valid reason as to why my numbers all dropped at the same time, but at least he had some sort of plan.  And boy does his plan suck.  —-  100mg of Prednisone a day for a week, then go in for a blood test, then 90mg for a week, another blood test and so forth and so one til I finally go down to 10mg a day for a week, then maybe my blood production will go back to behaving like it is supposed to.

Prednisone is my instant-asshole med.  Turns me into a total jerk.  Makes me want to destroy things.  100mg is causing severe stomach pains.  I can’t eat enough in the morning to circumvent this pain.  Or so it sure seems, today I ate more than I ate for dinner last night and still had the pain.  So maybe food isn’t the answer and the answer is just deal with it.  I really do want my blood numbers to go back to normal normal, as opposed to the weird normal that had settled into.

Anyhow, I am fighting really hard to not take it out on my wife, my mother, my brother, my friends, my dogs, anyone I have to deal with.  It is being really difficult.  I want to scream and shout and break things, instead I am just cruising thru life, trying not to offend.

To that end, I have put both of my Mumble D&D games on hold.  Initially because of the depression I was in…  now because of the pent up rage I am feeling.  I hope that the people who didn’t know me before don’t bail on me.  As soon as I level out I plan to resume the games.

I cancelled the cruise next year for lots of reasons.  The biggest being my fear that the leukemia would come back right before we were supposed to sail.  That would be my luck.  Holland American Cruise Lines rocks though.  They could have kept 20% of everything I put in (I did read the paperwork).  Instead the refunded the whole amount or are refunding the whole amount rather.  That is super nice of them if you ask me.  I would guess that were I feeling physically and mentally better now, I wouldn’t have cancelled.  But with such extremes going on now, things could still be worse.

Oh yeah, remember my complaining about my back hurting.  Well it still hurts.  Of course it is my own damn fault for moving my desk into the bedroom and my computer from beside my bed.  Although, I do have to say that the desk setup looks marvelous.  Anyhow, my point I was making, it hurts my back to sit.  Lounging back on pillows with a keyboard in my lap was much better on making my back not hurt.  —  So, I start physical therapy next week.  Goody.  While dealing with pent up rage issues, I get a therapist telling me how I am supposed to stretch and move and sit and stuff.  This physical therapy is to make my pain doctor shut up.  He did give me a short in my nerve damage area of my neck and that feels 110% better, he did nothing for the rest of my back.  Not even pain pills of a minor form.  He said, physical therapy so off I am gonna go.

Skyrim is still my go to game to pass the day away.  I lost interest in the character I was playing last time, when I said this would be the one I would play to beat the game.  Heh.  I started an Orc Warrior who is now Master of the Assassins guild, Master of the Thieves guild, Archmage of the Mage school, and a Bard, oh yeah, he also collected all 24 special gems and the crown for the game killer quest.  That quest was not fun.  The resulting Prowler’s Promise or whatever it was called like that is an amazing result.  All the gems that keep showing up, where there used to be maybe 2 on a whole dungeon, there would be 40 or so for a run.  Not silly little cheap gems either, but flawless ones worth big bucks.  But I am bored with him now too.

Tried to play a caster AGAIN.  A Breton Conjurer.  Someone online posted it was the most fun he had playing the game ever.  I say he levels too ridiculously slow.  He is level 17 now and if he were a warrior or thief that did the same quests, I would have been level 30.  It’s the way you gain xp in the game that is screwy.  You don’t get xp for completing quests, you get it when you skill up any skill.  Well a Conjurer, conjures, the rest of his skills just kind of flounder.   There is no armoring to do.  Enchanting has minimal usage.  It was fun, but I am definitely a results for time spent kind of guy I guess.

I don’t know right now what new class/race I am going to try.  But I seriously doubt it will be a caster from the go.  Since anyone can learn to cast spells.  And even with a base starting out magic ability you can become Archmage of the mage school, even while carrying a 2 handed axe and wearing a full suit of dragonplate armor.    Heh, the game is a little screwy I guess.

I have given up on the diet and exercise thing I was going to try.  Well, the physical therapy will include some exercise I am sure.  But not joining a gym is part of my plan.  And not going on weight watchers is also part of the plan.  Why?  Because I don’t like brown rice.

So anyhow, to sum up my life.  I am an angry, sick, pained, Skyrim Junky, who would rather just be left alone right now.

Normally, I would be off to find a picture to put here.   But laziness has claimed the call.  So, no pic today.  Just a honest hope that everyone who reads this is having a better life than I am right now.



A Leukemia scare and a lot of pain

Since last I posted to this blog.  I have been in a lot of pain.  My back is still messed up royally.  Luckily I don’t have to wait til August 17th anymore, I am seeing the pain doc this morning (not why I was up at 4:30am, that was cuz of pain, not to get ready to see the doc).  The nerve damage in my neck/shoulder area is really working me over.  At times a pain level of 7 or 8.  It also messes with my right arm and causes my right hand to tingle.  Really annoying.  The rest of my back is doing ok on Flexeril, but my regular doc only gave me like 10 days of the stuff and my original appointment was a month away.  Oy.  Anyhow, I get to see pain doc today.  Hope to get some relief from that.

Seems I am not getting enough sun (surprise).  Furthermore, for some reason my hemoglobin, white blood cells, and platelets all decided to do a downer.  Combine the two and ta da you have a pale guy.  This prompted my cancer doc to order a bone marrow biopsy.  This one didn’t hurt like the last few.  Nice tall doc had leverage to get in and get it done without all the moving around.  It was achy for a few days, but its better now.   The results of the biopsy said my blood contains 4% blasts.  Blasts are the bad white blood cells that come with being leukemic.  According to my cancer doc’s nurse 4% is normal for a leukemia patient so I dodged a real bullet this time.   I wonder what the %age is that prompts concern?  And if this means that I will have problems in the future?

I put my D&D games on hold during this leukemia business.  I couldn’t think of anything else.  But we are set to resume August 2nd and August 4th respectively.  Gives me time to think and be prepared.  Even though it was only a week we missed, it seemed like longer.  I really enjoy running these games.  I know I have mentioned that many times before, but it’s true.

Teresa had decided that if I did end up back in the hospital she was gonna buy me a new gaming laptop.  I found what I wanted for 1299 at http://www.ibuypower.com a really nice Asus Rogue 15″ laptop, 17″ laptops are just too unwieldy.  Well, I guess that I won’t be getting a new laptop any time soon.

I am thinking of cancelling my vacation plans for next year.  Get the money I have invested back.  Leukemia is a real concern and I really don’t know if next year I will be able to go.  I have other things I could use that money for (see aforementioned gaming laptop).   And I wouldn’t have to worry about if I get sick between now and then.  I know it’s a once in a lifetime chance for me to go on this trip, but what fun would it be if I got all excited and ready and then life smacks me upside the head again and says No, you can’t go.  I hate planning my life around potential health issues, but this one is seriously a when and not an if.  I need to talk to my cancer doc, I need to talk to my mom.  Cancer doc to see if he thinks there is any chance of problems within the next year (hmmm, he just did a bone marrow biopsy, so I think his answer would be yes).  Mom because this is her once in a lifetime chance to do the cruise too and I would be squishing it for her as well.

Teresa is in New York again for work.  She went even before we got the good news about the biopsy results.   Her work told her if they came back bad they would fly her back immediately.  I thought that was cool of them.  Mediacom has treated us good over the years.  I know why Teresa is against the idea of starting over anywhere else.  Facebook offered her a lot more money to come work for them in Altoona.  She politely said “No”.

The little office area we set up for me in the bedroom is working out great.   Plenty of storage for all my stuff and all the electronic stuff (computer, printer, etc…) is now up off the floor.  Which is a good thing.  Even old(er) computer stuff is being put to use or will be rather.  Gonna set up an apache server (http/web) and mumble server on an old(er) pc which had a problem running dual monitors.  Well, since I only need it to run 1 monitor, it’s all good.

Been playing Skyrim a lot again.  I really love the game.  I think it’s the best PC RPG to come out in a long time and I don’t think any have come out since.  Yeah, the graphics are kind of outdated, but its a 6 year old game.  I tell ya, it still holds it’s own.  I picked it up cheap last Christmas and I have probably 2000+ hours logged into it.  I am a Skyrim junky.  I am currently playing the highest level character I have played and still having fun with him.  I normally have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to games like this, but I think I found the guy I want to play to the end so to speak.  A dual wielding lizard with dragonscale armor and dragonbone swords.  He started as a thief, but has evolved into so much more.


The dark dots are Blasts in a leukemia patients blood.  Blasts are immature white blood cells which are released in the blood stream.   It takes 20%(or more)  blasts to be considered having leukemia, I was at 4%.  So, for now, I am good.

Need a new desk

Painwise I have hurt most of the day.  My back can’t take sitting or standing very well.  Only recourse is to lay down, which will lead to excessive napping, which will mean I won’t sleep at night, which means I will disturb Teresa. oh, this goes on and on.  Basically, any way I work this I end up hurting.  I’m hoping that the pain doc’s office will call soon so I can get the pain taken care of.

My mood took a turn down today.  I guess I look forward to the D&D games more than I realized and it thru my bipolar brain into a not so slight downswing.  Everything is going so well in my life, got nothing else to complain about.  Has to be cuz of the stupid D&D games being cancelled.  Trying to look forward to next week, but its blah this week.

We did get a second monitor hooked up to my system today.  That was a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy day.  Now I can be doing stuff on one screen while reading Facebook on the other.  Cool Cool, so very cool.

My new computer set up is kind of nice.  Although my desk is entirely too short (hey, it was free).  Gotta replace the cardboard box table with another table from the Family Dollar store.  But beyond those 2 little things, its very comfy and very practical.  Maybe for Christmas or my Birthday I will get a big boy desk (craigslist) and then I wouldn’t need so many small tables.

I think I may be crazy, but I am thinking seriously about setting up 1 more online D&D game.  This time on Sunday afternoons, so that my west coast friends that play have the option of joining the game.  Gonna probably switch to DISCORD for voice chat software.  Then I won’t be tying up my friend mumble server and using his bandwidth.  DISCORD is free and somehow runs locally on everyone’s computer.  Really beyond my feeble brain capacity to figure out how it works.  Anyhow, if we use DISCORD we won’t be able to record the sessions.  So, I gotta think about this.  And furthermore, gotta think about if I really can handle a 3rd session a week.  Heh, it’s not like I have anything else to do with my time, might as well play D&D.

Our dogs are definitely getting used to me not being in bed all the time.   They still get confused when Teresa tells them to “Go see Daddy” for a treat.  They start to run to the bed, then turn around slowly, and then run back to me.

I still miss my Mom and Brother, but not as much as I have recently.  It’s right after seeing them when it’s bad, now its just a generalized miss.  I tell ya though, if Jet Blue flew in to/out of Des Moines, I would have flown to see them again on Jet Blue’s special they are having.  But nope, no Jet Blue around here.  So, it’ll be November when I see them again.

We LOVE the new stove.  It rocks.  We have barely touched what it’s capable of doing, but it’s wonderful.  Had to cut down cooking times of everything we cooked in our old stove.  3 to 5 minutes usually.  The difference from the old stove which wasn’t close to correct temp or the new stove which holds the correct temp like a champion.  Whirlpool made a great product there.

Oh hell, I almost forgot.  I got a big adult type desk in storage.  Don’t really know how to get it here or how to put it together.  But hey, I own a big desk that would hold all this stuff and then some.   It’s totally the wrong color for this room, but hey, it’s already paid for.  I guess it might be time to bug Drew to come do me a solid.  Below is the desk I have in storage.  Would be nice to put it back in use somewhere… why not here?


Too Hot

Yeah, since chemo I have not had the ability to control my internal body temperature.  So when it gets hot, I get really hot and when it gets cold, I freeze.  This has led to me becoming a homebody, especially while my car is in the shop.  The heat index today will be over 100 again, no way am I going outside.  Teresa says I have become a weather wimp, well duh, yeah, you have your internal body temperature system totally thrown out of whack and see how well you handle hot and cold.

No word and no idea on how long my car is going to be in the shop.  Not that I want to go anywhere, it’d just be nice to have the option to go somewhere.  This reminds me of when we were a one car household, I became a shut-in.  So easy when you don’t have anything going on and can’t go anywhere to get things going on.

Mumble D&D game starts again this Friday.  I have a multi-session storyline already in the works.  I’m pretty happy with what I have planned, but am prepared to scramble if the party goes the other way.  I had a hard time deciding how tough I was going to make it, the party had chewed thru everything I had put up against them so far, so I increased the difficulty, just a little concerned I went to high.  They is only so much fudging of rolls that I can do.  It should be fun anyway it comes out.  If I wipe the party, its all about a simple do over.  If I just kill a few, the others can drag the corpses back to civilization.  It’s all good.  I just have to remember they are only 3rd level.

I miss my mom and brother a lot.  It’s always the hardest right after I leave.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being home.  But something just feels right about being with Mom and Jim.  That is how I grew up.  The 3 of us.  Sure Dad was around, but my relationship with Dad wasn’t very good when I was young.  So, it was always the 3 of us going out to dinner, the 3 of us going here, the 3 of us going there.  It just feels comfortable.

Being home has been great too.  I missed Teresa while I was gone.  Skype is a poor substitute for human contact.  Here we are 25 years together, married over 24 of those years, and still madly, hopelessly in love.  Funny though, I hate when she goes on travel, but she loves when I do.  I get a lot of alone time, she rarely gets any.  So I can see her side.  She finally gets some just her time.  I wish I could go more often for her, but money is rarely ever cooperative.  You know how that is.

My back is worse than I can ever remember it being before.  Dimensions of pain.  Hard to get out of bed.  Hurts to sit, hurts to lay, hurts to stand.  I need to get my butt to the acupuncturist and hopefully get some relief.  But again, I am car less, so here I sit in pain.  I should never have agreed to binding arbitration from that car accident in 1999. My back has been getting progressively worse and it’s costing more and more to get it pain free or at least at lot less painful.

Fireworks become legal for sale tomorrow.  Iowa Fireworks Company is being run by an acquaintance and a friend of mine has a stake in it too.  I hope people go ape buying fireworks.  I hope that everyone involved make a tone of money.  I hope this 4th of July is full of bottle rockets and roman candles.