At least I feel pretty good…

We are slowly gathering the stuff we are going to need during the 100+ days we will be in Rochester after my transplant.  It’s a long list and luckily we have some time.  Teresa has decided she is taking her MAC with her when we go.  I don’t blame her, she needs an outlet to get away some too.  I, of course, will have my laptop which runs Skyrim which is all I will need in that arena.

It still seems surreal.  Can’t completely get my mind around having to stay up there for 3 months.  At least it’ll be during the spring and I am sure Rochester will be lovely.  It’s just that last time between hospital visits, I got to come home.  This time, home will be far away.


Oh yeah, for anyone who cares, https://www.gofundme.com/cancer-has-returned-we-need-help , I started a gofundme to try to get some help.  I feel like a total jerk asking friends and family and complete strangers for money.  But as I said yesterday, we are not going to be able to make it on what we have saved.  So, we gotta do what we gotta do.


We are hoping NOT to be called up to Mayo next week.  I think I need a break already.  The weather is supposed to be pretty bad between here and there for part of the week and I have made plans for the one good day of the week.  But if they call, we will go up there like a good little patient and caretaker and probably give more blood.  (my arm still looks like I have chiggers).


My mother-in-law has agreed to take our doggies for us while we are in Rochester.  She is driving the 11+ hours to my mom’s house, we will be driving the 6+ hours to my mom’s house with the dogs and then the dogs are going back with my mother-in-law.  It’s all good.  My nieces have wanted to meet Pucky and Mojo, and this will give them plenty of time to get to know them.


OK, due to my back problems, I lay in bed a lot.  I have now broken bed #4, this one lasted about 6 months.  In doing so, where I sleep has become very uncomfortable to sleep in, causing even more back pain.  Well, yesterday while napping, I discovered a weird angle across the bed, that doesn’t hurt my back.  I set it up with Teresa last night and I actually got 8 hours of sleep straight.  Miracle of miracles.  My back actually felt good when I woke up this morning.


You know what, I feel really good.  Kinda weird considering I have cancer.  I’m not particularly fatigued, I’m not whiter than normal, I have no weird unexplainable pains anywhere.  I feel good.


I am actually thinking that the virus I had at the end of December, beginning of January caused my platelets to crash and it freaked everyone out that my platelets got so low.  They were at 65 as of last Wednesday.  And I suspect they are going to go up further, back to the 90s that I was at before I got sick.  Now, if I had not gotten that virus, my platelets didn’t  drop,  I wouldn’t have traipsed up to Mayo, and this new cancer would never have been found, and I likely would have gotten sicker and died with the new cancer never being found or if found it would have been too late.


I’m slowly reading (the only speed I read at) all the pamphlets and papers that Mayo gave us.  They must have killed a small tree to print all this stuff.   Some of what I have read is pretty intense, but most is just information.  The book about stem cell transplants was particularly graphic in it’s descriptions of what is going to happen.  Look, I am all right with going ahead with the transplant, you don’t have to try to scare me into say no.  Really, when they start talking numbers, it’s a little scary.


Teresa is bummed about her work.  She has a bunch of big projects that she referred to as her babies.  Well, with her having to be my caregiver, her boss took all her babies away.  Now Teresa is going to be doing “boring and repetitive stuff”, when she can work.  Bah.  I feel guilty about this.


I have a lot of guilty feelings about this.  I know that these are illogical and wrong to have, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.  I know I didn’t ask to have cancer again, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling this way either.  I probably should go see my therapist, but we really can’t afford it right now.  That is going to be the story of our life for the next 5 or 6 months, “we really can’t afford it right now”.


ok, maybe I feel something about all this.

Well, I was wrong about needing a platelet infusion this week, my platelets were at 24.  This means next Thursday they will be low enough for an infusion that will carry me to and thru Mayo Clinic on the 30th.  It’s all good, Dr. Shin knows I am getting infusions when I need them.  It’s also, not like every time I need an infusion I am gonna run up to Mayo to get it.  Dr. Shin and the team up at Mayo will have to work with Dr. Wehbe down here.  Dr. Wehbe has already agreed to do whatever is asked by Mayo, and I am sure that is gonna be keep me alive between chemo runs.


I spent a good portion of yesterday trying to find a review of the hospital food at Mayo.  I can find tons of info saying they have food (duh) but seems that no one cared enough to say if their patient food is good or bad or just exists.  I’m gonna guess that it’s ok cuz Mayo is #1 in the nation and patient satisfaction is a big key in the rankings and the food is definitely a part of patient satisfaction.


I brushed a hot grill in the oven with 2 of my fingers on Monday, they blistered later that day, the popped overnight, and they have hurt continually during this whole process.  I don’t think they are infected, but they are inflamed, puffy and red around where the blisters popped.  Very painful, I will endeavor to never brush up against a 450 degree hot grill again.


I still don’t know how I am feeling about this whole transplant thing.  I still believe that I should be feeling something… Maybe I will when it becomes more real.  Still about two weeks away from talking to the transplant team, then maybe it will spark am emotion or two about it.


I still can’t believe (or don’t want to believe) that I am willingly gonna go thru chemo treatment again.  I do not have any details on how long it will take or anything.  But from what I have been told by someone who just went thru a bone marrow/stem cell transplant at Mayo, that it’s a couple months of chemo followed by radiation… totally killing my bone marrow so the new bone marrow has a place to be.  That seems really cool to me.  Supposedly, I will be conscious and able to watch the new stem cells being pumped in.  Looking forward to seeing that.


I am feeling pretty rotten about having to cancel my D&D game and leave the Friday night D&D game.  Everyone has been cool about it.  But dang it, I was having fun and so was everyone else.  We had just gotten started on both games really, and now I had to bail on them.


Tonight is Acute Leukemia chat.  I hope that a few of the regulars are there.  I want to let them all know what is going on.  They have been great support thru all this MDS bull crap, and they will be really supportive now that I am going for a transplant.  I wonder if I can still say I didn’t get a transplant cuz of leukemia?   I mean, I got the MDS because of the leukemia, but I am getting the transplant cuz of the MDS.  In reality, according to Dr. Shin, I should have had the transplant during leukemia in all likelihood.


Well, I know with the medical crap going on, our cruise is put on indefinite hold.  All the money that we had set aside for a vacation will be going to medical care.  Sucks, but that’s the reality.


I figure I am going to be in the hospital for my wife’s birthday and our 25th anniversary. That truly sucks.  I wanted to do something really nice for her and instead she will be sitting next to me in the hospital.  Man, the timing of this sucks.  I wonder if I can put off the transplant until after April 2nd?  I’m serious, they can keep me alive indefinitely with timely platelet transfusions.  Can we put off the whole thing until after her birthday on April 1 and our anniversary on April 2?  I’ll run it by Teresa and then if she thinks it’s doable, I will run it by the transplant team and Dr. Shin.


I’m glad my meds keep me happily mellow, cuz otherwise I’d probably be falling apart.


Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting

Been really down the last couple of days.  Like almost suicidal down.  This whole issue with my blood platelets has thrown me crashing down.  Right now, I was I would just die.  No, I am not going to do it, just wish it would happen.  I know this is just temporary and that my mood will swing back up, but in the interim things just plain suck.  Today is the same as yesterday and the day before,  except today I have petechial bruising again.  Having petechial bruising again means my platelets are at 20 or below.  Which in turn means that on Wednesday or Thursday I will go get my blood drawn and see where my platelets are and probably get an infusion.  Yay rah.  This is how my life is going to be from now on.  Exciting, ain’t it.


Last night’s D&D game was fun, wish I had been in a better mood as I probably would have described it with a better adjective.  We achieve our goal, found out the information we needed, and 3 of the 4 of us who didn’t have our super items got them.  The thief took mine or it would have been 4 out of 4.  She found these items, and doled them out to who they were for but liked my item too much and decided to keep hers and mine.  Exactly as a rogue should do.  So now, the DM has to scramble and come up with a new item for me and find a logical place for it to be in the campaign.  I think it was kinda funny that the rogue took my item too.  Anyhow, the DM asked me what kind of item I want and in my depressed state it’s hard to think of rewards or super items.  So I bowed out for coming up with my item until I got out of this funk.  Which hopefully will be soon.


Next week is supposed to start out cold and then get into the 40s again for Saturday.  Heh, I don’t think Mother Nature has a clue what to do with us in central Iowa anymore.  We had a 1 day snowstorm and then it’s supposed to be nice… Cold but nice until it warms up in a few days.  Then we will probably have a few days Above Average Temps and then another 1 day snowstorm and then nice days, rinse, repeat.  That is how winter has been so far.  There are only like 7 more weeks of winter anyways.  Heh.


Teresa bought another big light for the bedroom.  Then I get the smaller big light for the other side of my computer desk.  As the lighting in the room now stands, I get light on half of my desk and zero on the other half.  I have a little portable lamp, but that light is just glaring, I want the smaller big light, just not sure where I am gonna put it yet.  In the mean time, I have to figure out how I am gonna move a big light into the small corner by Teresa’s side of the bed.   I guess I will figure it out.  Maybe we clear it out and she just assembles the big light in the corner, that is probably the BEST idea.


I’m definitely less fatigued taking the higher dose of thyroid medicine.  Still get tired pretty easy, but I am not needing hours and hours of naps.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love a good nap, just on my terms, not because I feel I have to.


I have to feel better mentally by Tuesday, cuz Tuesday’s D&D game is going to be fun to run.  The players are going to face a huge decision with great consequences.  And I want to be able to seriously laugh at them why they try to decide what to do.   They got themselves in a big mess, so they have to pay the penalty for the mess, right?


This section was stupid so I removed it, don’t know how to get rid of the lines, so I thought I would tell you about it.


I never did make it out to Quality Marble and Tile to look at tile.  I know I posted I was gonna try to go last Friday, but depression grabbed me and I stayed in bed.  Getting out there might be one of those February things.


I am still hoping that my new Therapist isn’t an old lady.   I don’t mind older than me, but I don’t want one who is my mom’s age or close to it.  I want someone who can relate.  I really wish her phone connection wasn’t so screwed up so I’d have a clue as to her age.  But it’s all good I guess.  I just need to vent a lot of frustration and fear and anger out somewhere and I won’t hit Teresa with all that (some of it, but not all), I’ll save that for a paid professional.


No worries

I made a decision, I am gonna “not worry” anymore about my platelet issue.  If my platelets go down much more, the symptoms become noticeable.  Specifically, I will have petechial bruising (please google if you are interested in knowing what that is).  If/when I have said bruising I will rush to my cancer doc and then probably to the hospital for an infusion of platelets.  Until then, I am not going to think much about it anymore or at least try to not think about it anymore.

I am getting set up with monthly blood draws at my cancer doc’s office.  That way we can follow along as my platelets do whatever they are going to do.  Hopefully we will catch whatever problems I might have before they become severe.


Meanwhile, Mayo Clinic has requested the last bone marrow biopsy from Mercy Hospital in order to determine if I truly have Myleodypsia or not.  If not, I have no clue what is wrong with me.  Anyhow, I gave them permission to request the biopsy from Mercy, and they are going to have their pathologists look at it.  I am thinking now that it is unnecessary but too late to stop it.  Not that I really care if they look at it.


We went and saw Drew at Beirman Furniture.  He had the “perfect” chair for Teresa.  He sat here in one chair, it was ok, he asked a few questions then moved her to another chair and that was the chair she picked.  Drew definitely knows what he is talking about.  And I have to say, the price was more than reasonable, Thanks, Drew.

So, peoples of the Des Moines area, if you are in the market for office furniture, please give him a call.  He will take good care of you.


D&D was cancelled again tonight.  Yeah, Christmas weekend.  I am not surprised that it got cancelled, just a little disappointed.   I was really looking forward to it.  Here’s to hoping we play next week before I forget what was happening in the game.


My game is a GO for January 2nd.  Adam is supposed to let me know if he is going to be able to play as soon as possible, he think his boss will give him Tuesday nights off.  I hope this is so.  I really want him to play.

I have the first adventure planned out.  It’s either going to work or it’s going to be really an awkward start.  Heh, it’s not like I can test it out before hand, so January 2nd will be either real fun or real weird.  Hope, if its weird, it doesn’t scare anyone off.


Mom left this morning, she forgot to call me and let me know she made it home safely.  I guess I will call her after I get done writing this blog entry.  Anyhow, I miss her already.  I really wish they had never moved from Des Moines, but I totally understand why her and my brother moved back to the Region.


I forgot to call my pain doctor about getting in to get a MRI of my back before the end of the year.  All the other crap medical stuff was going on and I totally slipped my mind.  Now there is only 1 week left of the year, and I am guessing zero chance of getting it done since Monday is Christmas.  Oh well, I guess we have all next year to get it done.  At least we have Teresa’s Flex Plan.


Tomorrow I am cooking Chili.  Not just any chili, the Campbell family not so secret chili with steak instead of hamburger.  Changes the whole flavor and texture profile.  Got crackers and cheddar cheese to go with it.  Making a double batch so I can have leftovers for a long time.


Teresa said tomorrow she is making her sugar cookies.  I LOVE her sugar cookies.  It is a shame I have to wait for Christmas for her to make her sugar cookies, but hey I’ll enjoy them whenever she makes them.


And for Christmas dinner we are making (or rather probably she is making) sweet and sour pork.  Yeah, a little (lot) non traditional.  We aren’t really celebrators of Christmas.  We don’t see anyone on Christmas.  We don’t really do anything special.  I think I posted how I killed Christmas for Teresa.  I feel bad about that still.


Oh, I did try to order Teresa her last Christmas presents which would have arrived after Christmas.  She wanted poster size pictures of Mojo and Pucky.  She picked out the pictures on Amazon’s photo thingy and for some reason my computer wouldn’t do the magic, so she had to order them on her ipad.  Weird, but it worked there.  She has really good pics of both of them.  So they are gonna look cool on our bedroom walls.


And to be honest, I will be glad when the holidays are over and things get back to normal.  I would like to have gone to the store, but the mass amount of strangers is a bit too much for me.  Teresa braved 2 grocery stores tonight, she said they were packed.  No thanks, with my anxiety still bugging me already, and my compromised immune system (something I have complained much about here) it just made sense for me not to go to the store.  So, I am waiting patiently for sanity to return to the area.


and so…..


Good morning Starshine, The Earth says Hello

Getting up at 5am tomorrow to get to showered and dressed, Teresa is getting up at 5:30.  This is to get to the hospital by 7am.  The hospital is pretty much in the center of Des Moines, and it takes a good 40 to 45 minutes to get there.  We will be going before traffic, which will be good.  My biopsy is scheduled for 8:30am.  Yes, it take 1 1/2 hours to get registered and have the blood draw and tested and get all prepped for the biopsy.  Once the biopsy starts it takes about 5 minutes, but I will be doped up for another 45 or so.  They give you good drugs so you don’t hurt when they do it, but when those drugs wear off the site of the biopsy is really achy.  And it remains achy for 3 days.  Hopefully this will be the LAST biopsy I get for a long while.  But I thought that about the biopsy I had 4 months ago.  Oh well, better safe than sorry.

By the way, I have no other symptoms of leukemia, not paler than usual and my energy level is pretty normal.  So, it is just my platelets that is warranting this biopsy which is the exact same reason that I had the biopsy 4 months ago (which was normal).


Winter is supposed to arrive this week.  63 high today, 65 high tomorrow, 37 high on Tuesday, then downhill from there.  Even a chance of a “lite” snow on Friday.  My chemo destroyed system does not like being cold, doesn’t like being hot either (but I have no worry about that right now).  I have a big thick winter coat that is supposed to keep me warm down to 30 below, it does a decent job on what it covers but damn my legs and feet get cold.  Need to find my gloves, hat and scarf.  Yeah, I have become a weather wimp, I am ok with that.  If I ever win a lot of money, I am moving away from IOWA and its extreme weather.


My mood has improved.  Still on the low side, but much better than I was before my vacation and better than I was yesterday.  So with the winter coming, my mood gets better.  It’s just fall that sets me off; September, October and November.  The depression does sometimes hang around thru December if the weather doesn’t turn (last year for instance).  So come on winter, I am almost ready for you 😛

 


 

I thought I had lost the key to my wife’s car.  However, it turns out she borrowed it cuz she lost hers.  It costs 250 dollars to replace said key, ick ack yuck.  I thought mine disappeared at the funeral.  Shows how much driving I do, she borrowed the key on Tuesday and I didn’t notice til Friday.  Anyhow, I went thru the hassle of calling our car repair people to find out how much it was to make another key.  Then Teresa told me she borrowed it after I told her I called to get a replacement key made.   DOH.  Her key is somewhere in the house.


I have been trying to play computer games, Civ4 Warlords, the old standby isn’t getting me interested.  I get to where oil is discovered and just bail.  I own Civ5 and Civ6.  Civ5 is just plain weird, and Civ6 might be too complicated for my poor feeble brain.  I have thought of getting back into Skyrim, I had a lot of fund playing Skyrim, but that’s not pulling me in either.  Age of Empires and Age of Wonders, age of not interested right now.  I don’t know what is up in my head.  I used to be a gaming junky and now all I seem to do is read Facebook and post blog entries.  Gonna have to force myself to play something seriously and get back into computer gaming.  Oh yeah, I forgot, I have been playing a little bit of World of Warcraft.  But even that isn’t really interesting me much.  Pet Battles with my new Troll hunter and Garrison stuff with Ughughkill.


My back has been feeling better, not well but better.  I am not hurting as much when I wake up.  That can mean 2 things, my back IS getting better now that I am moving around a lot more or I have learned to sleep as to not cause the back to hurt as much.  Either way, I still take a Flexeril every morning.  And I very rarely have to resort to my pain pills of which I have about 10 left.  When I see Dr. Ransdell, we are gonna have a long talk about pain and how nothing he has tried or had me try is working.   Plus the shot he gave me in the neck region has worn off, so I am back to having pain across my entire back, not just the mid/lower parts.


My desk is a mess.  Teresa says I never throw anything away, and that is why I come across like a slob.  And as I look around the desktop, I got a lot of junk on my desk that needs to be pitched.  Perhaps that will be my project for later today.


I hope I am wrong

Today was a sad day.  I found out that a friend of mine who I have neglected recently passed away 2 days ago.  I’ve told people before that I totally suck at being a 3D friend, no one believes me.   Well anyhow, tomorrow is the funeral, I am going.  He was the only friend who came and visited me while I was in the hospital, so being at his funeral is the least I can do.  We didn’t talk often, we weren’t buddy buddy, but I feel I need to do this.  I don’t like funerals and I know nothing about Jewish funeral services, but hey, first time for everything I guess.  The world lost a great guy though.


I actually remembered it was Thursday and attended the Acute Leukemia chat for a bit tonight.  This I haven’t done in several weeks.  Most of the regulars were there.  I just didn’t feel up to chatting much so I made up some lame excuse and left after a half hour or so.  I did get a bunch of sympathy from them about my platelets.  I’m not sure that is what I need or want.  I just want this to be over and get my life back to “normal”.


I also went to Edwina’s Bipolar Chat for a bit tonight, something I haven’t done in several months.  That was directly because of my friend’s passing.  I needed to make sure they knew, which they did.  I should have known they knew, probably one of the first groups of people who were informed.  Chat was a big part of his life.


So, I have been fretting over the D&D game and getting our characters into roll20.  Well, our DM has decided we aren’t putting our characters into roll20.  He “trusts” us.  Which is cool.  We are starting at level 4, not like we have super-powers or mega-weapons so there isn’t a whole lot we need to inform the DM of.  So the game tomorrow night is on.  6:30pm my time, giving me time to have dinner, which is a good thing.  Otherwise I wouldn’t eat til like 10pm, which would suck.

I am very much looking forward to this game.  I haven’t been a player in a game in a long time (I am not counting the 2 sessions of 3.5 D&D I played right before getting diagnosed with leukemia).  It’s been over 25 years since I played any role playing game as a player.  And my regular readers will remember that I killed the 2 games I was running as a DM very recently.  I’m ready to be a player.  I’m sure I can be a great player.  Oh yeah, I forgot the 3 sessions I played (as a player) with Jon.  So, I have been a player in recent history, but for only 3 sessions, does that really count?  Anyhow, I am ready to play in a big campaign with lots of things going on and that is what I have been promised.


I am still dealing with depression.  I still can’t bring myself to play any computer games or really read anything.  So I sit around all day on Facebook and entering Publishers Clearing House contests.  I lead a boring life.


I realized today that I have been over a year doing absolutely nothing of value.  I am a bum.  I want to change that.  At least start doing more things around the house.  Don’t know if I am ready for laundry, but dishes perhaps, and picking up after myself.  Yeah, I should be able to do that.  All this idea, requires me being healthy enough to do it.  So, my wanting change won’t come about for a while I guess.  But dammit, I am gonna try eventually.


Found out today that the hospital wants me there at 7am on Monday and not 7:30.  It’s a 40-45 minute drive to the hospital.  UGH, gonna be waking up way early on a Monday. It could be worse, I could have had to be there at 5am for the 6:30am biopsy.  But it’s all good, I will be there on time and go thru the hoops that they make me go thru and be to the radiology department on time.


I think this biopsy is #8 or #9.  I got a lot of holes in my hip bone.  It’s all good, I don’t think there is a limited number of holes you can have in your hip, well I am sure there is a limit, but I think its a huge number being as it’s a big bone.


Sorry, this isn’t a video.  It is just the song I wanted to post the other day.  The video is too weird for words, so just kick back for 5ish minutes and listen to Dutch Singer Do (yeah, DOH) sing to DJ Sammy’s music.


Here, a list I pretty much agree with.  I like WatchMojo, their lists are interesting if nothing else.

Of Black Friday and Medical Crap

We shopped on Black Friday but we didn’t leave our house.  All the presents were downloads from either the Playstation store or Steam.  So, needless to say, Teresa and I have already given each other our gifts.  Well, she got what she wanted, I got what I wanted.  And she does have a Nintendo Switch on the way (she ordered that before we left to come home, no clue when it’s supposed to arrive).  It’s all good getting the brunt of Christmas done early.  The only other 2 people I buy for are my brother and mother, and they both wanted gift cards from Amazon (well that is what mom wants, I am just assuming brother will be cool with a gift card).  I always find something cool for my brother for his birthday in June.  So, basically I got 2 gift cards to go and I am DONE Christmas shopping.

In case you didn’t know, Christmas is a holiday I choose not to celebrate.  I am no longer Bah Humbug, but I am still not going to put up a tree or decorate or go around telling everyone “Merry Christmas”.  I just don’t dig this holiday.  I give gifts to 3 people, because I love them and they celebrate and expect gifts, and it’s not worth the fight.


While at my brother and mother’s house, I broke Mojo’s food bowl.  Didn’t mean to, it was at the foot on the bed and I rolled over and stretched knocking it off to the tile floor.  It was a total break.  So Teresa took Pucky and Mojo to Petsmart today (right now) to get Mojo a new bowl and probably some more stuff for them for Christmas.  I probably should have went to keep her from going nuts, but people at this time of year are not my thing.  So I stayed home.  —  She is picking up Applebee’s on the way home.


The D&D game I am joining is supposed to start this coming Friday, but none of us can figure out how to add our characters to roll20.  Something about needing the game masters permission, and our game masters is as clueless about it as the rest of us are.  I guess we have a few days to figure it out, but I hate waiting to last minute to get anything done, and entering our characters in for the first time is going to take a while I am sure.


I ordered an IPhone 8+ which should be here tomorrow.  It is to replace my overly flakey IPhone 7+.  I could have got the X, but I didn’t want to pay 20 bucks more a month to Sprint.  Instead the 8+ is only a dollar forty seven more.  Here’s to hoping that the 8+ is less of a pita than the 7+ has been.  The 8+ is not a Christmas present, it’s just a necessity thing before I utterly destroy my 7+ in frustration.


I miss my mom and brother pretty bad.  Like I have said before in this blog, it’s worse right after I see them.  Mom said she is going to try to come in February.  And then both of them are supposed to come at the end of March beginning of April for Teresa’s birthday (April 1st) and our 25th Anniversary (April 2nd).  I think if they are coming at the end of March, mom will call of her visit in February.  I will see them when I see them I guess.  All I know for absolute sure, is that I am going to be there on June 3rd (don’t have arriving and leaving dates yet) for my brother’s 50th birthday.  He only has one of those, so I have to be there for it.  And then again I will be there next November from the weekend before Thanksgiving til Thanksgiving.  Beyond that, nothing is certain as far as travel to see my family or my family coming to see me.


My mood is as weird as the weather here has been.  One minute I am deeply down and the next I am in a great mood.  I hate Ultradian cycling (ultra-rapid mood changes).  I’m not sleeping well cuz of my back (which I will get to in a minute).  That helps contribute to my weird moods.  The trip back to the Region and then coming back home could be contributing to my weird moods.  A lot of things going on could be contributing to my weird moods.  I just want to settle into a mood and stick with it for a while.


My back is really truly fubar now.  I sleep on my side.  I can only sleep for about 6 hours without pain.  I get up take a Flexeril, wait and hour and then try to go back to sleep.  Been doing this for a month or so now.  Really is a pita.  If I could sleep on my back again (haven’t been able to do such yet) I probably could sleep longer.  Anyhow, every morning I wake up in pain, and that sucks.  Then if I sit in my chair for 2 hours while the Flexeril gets a good grip, my back will hurt more because of that.  So I have taken to standing around, sometimes eating breakfast while I stand but mostly just standing around.  So, I sit for 1 hour or so, then stand for 1 hour or so, then go back to bed for a couple hours.  I don’t make any appointments in the morning cuz I am hurting too much.  It just sucks.


Dr Wehbe, my oncologist, is ordering another bone marrow biopsy.   I find out when it is tomorrow.  Then when I get those results, I will contact Mayo Clinic up in Minnesota.  They have the top rated Hematology department in the US.  So I figure I will give them a shot at figuring out why my platelets are low and fixing said issue.  Dr Wehbe has tried everything I have found online to try, so time to go to the blood experts.   Gonna suck going up there in the winter.  But I gotta get better so I can stop being afraid


Heh, I haven’t been able to get the hang of fighting multiple Urog in Middle Earth:Shadow of Mordor.  It seems that every time I get past a group for 4 or more, I run into another group of 4 or more than kicks my butt.  I suppose it just takes practice and dying a lot to get better, but dang its frustrating right now.  I suppose I have to give it more than a day and a half but still.  It’s more frustrating that Teresa kicks serious butt in her game Horizons: Zero Dawn and I am still on training wheels in mine.