Massive Headache, wrong meds.

I have a full-blown migraine level headache and only Tylenol to fight it.  My own stupid fault for not refilling my Imitrex shots.  But I will muddle thru and all will be fine.  I know these headaches are from stress/anxiety.  My anxiety level is thru the roof, but I don’t want to sleep away my last few free days sleeping, so I am not taking more Clonazepam.  Not going to do it.  Yeah, it may be stupid on my part, relief of everything could come from 1 pill, no headache, no nausea, but at the cost of not being with my mom and brother.  I came to spend a few days with my mom and brother and that is what I am going to do.  Damn the headache.

Pucky and Mojo have both taken to crawling/laying on Jim.  LOL.  Mojo was first even.  This is funny cuz Jim claims to be neutral at best to the Chihuahuas.   At least they have someone they feel comfortable with.  Mojo still howls when Teresa leaves, but I really don’t thin it’s going to be as bad as initially thought.  This is a good thing.

Last evening we went to dinner at the Industrial Revolution Bar and Grill in Valparaiso.  It’s the place that Rodney and I discovered by accident last time I was here.  The food was great, service was great, atmosphere was great.  The temperature was COLD and the food coming out was slow.  Now, I can handle slow for good food, let them take their time to make it right.  But freezing the patrons doesn’t make sense to me, mom accidently sat under a vent and even though she wore a sweater, she was COLD.  But overall the food trumps the COLD and I have introduced Jim and mom to a new restaurant.  We all left happy and full.

Tonight we are going for Chinese.  At the little Chinese restaurant on Lincolnway in Valpo.  I forget the name of it, but we went there a few visits ago and it was good.  So we all agreed Chinese sounded good, so that is where we are going.

Mind boggling that I start the serious crap at Mayo in 3 days.  And my transplant is in less the 2 weeks.  And people wonder why I am having anxiety problems.   Some serious crap is about to go to down TO ME.  Scary stuff, very scary stuff.

If I can survive the next 2 months, I should be in really good shape.  Most of the big milestones that happen in recovery happen in the first 2 months.

It’s after the first 2 months, that is when Dr Alkhateeb might order more chemo for me.  I am still not sure why he thinks I need more chemo nor am I sure how much more chemo he was going to order.  All I know is I am very against this.  I really don’t want more chemo, heck, I don’t WANT the chemo I am getting for the transplant but don’t have a say in that.

Oh yeah, for those who have an interest.  Here is the address I will be at for at least 110 days.

Jeff Campbell
c/o Gift of Life Transplant House
705 Second Street SW Room #50
Rochester, MN 55902

If you are inclined, please do not send flowers or fruit.  But cards and letters are appreciated.

Yup, at least 110 days at the Gift of Life Transplant House.   Funny when I told the lady there we’d be staying for 110 days she said “I will put you down for 120 and see where we go from there”.  Not the most reassuring voice towards the 110 days.  But hey, we did 4 nights there with no issue, we can do 106++++ more with no issues too.

My head is screaming at me.  Gonna cut this now.  But of course I will find some music.

We made it, and random babbleage.

We made it to the Region, more specifically my mom and brother’s house late last night.  We did make it almost exactly 6 hours, which is great time.  The joke of the night was “Teresa got her pilots license and we flew here.”  Anyhow, so comes the start of the minimum for 4 months away from home.  I am happy to be here with my family, but still upset as to having to be away for at least 4 months.  But anyhow, I am gonna make the best of being here and try to not freak out any more as Monday draws closer.

The being said, I am still plenty freaked out about Monday, well not so much about Monday, more like Thursday.  See, Monday is just appointments to talk.  Then Tuesday and Wednesday are just the taking of anti-seizure meds.  Thursday is when the chemo starts. 5 days of the lesser of the 2 chemos.  Then I get a catheter for the chemo on the last 2 days 😦  Cuz the chemo is so nasty they have to flush my kidneys continually while giving it to me.   Scary stuff.  Plus, this will be the first catheter I have ever gotten while conscious.   Stupid chemo.

Jim asked me if I wanted to go to HuHot tomorrow.  It’s 100 miles more in the car and Teresa wouldn’t be able to go cuz she has to work.  So I chose to pass even though I do love HuHot.  It’s just that I don’t really want to spend that much extra time in the car after 6 hours to get here and looking at 6 hours to get to Mayo.

I hate my back, every morning no matter how I sleep, I wake up in some level of pain.  It sucks.  Today my back hurts significantly, but I am not gonna take a pain pill.   I don’t want to be stonedish while around my family.  I am sure most of you understand.

Mom is making me an egg roll for breakfast this morning.  She says these egg rolls are “really good”.  So, we shall see shortly how good they are.  I told her I only wanted one because I don’t normally eat breakfast.  Her cooking for me brings back all sorts of warm fuzzy memories. — For the record, the egg rolls were very good.

Oh, for those who may have missed it.   I am having a Allogenic Stem Cell Transplant on the 17th.  Which means, I am getting Stem Cells from a donor.  I am not having a bone marrow transplant, which I thought I was getting earlier in the whole process.  Although, the who team is called a Bone Marrow Transplant Team.

I have no clue what I want to do today.  Jim asked, and my response was I was still asleep.  I am all for just hanging out here.  Lunch will probably be Steak n Shake, even though that is what Teresa and I had for dinner last night.  The Steak n Shake here in Portage is really good.

Part of me doesn’t want to go thru this transplant now.  No, I am not going to cancel, it’s just going to suck.  The whole process is just plain going to suck.  From the first meeting with the Pharmacist (Monday at 8:45) until the last day at the Transplant House, it’s gonna suck.  Just saying.

OK, I am done whining about it.  Sorry for the last section, just feeling sorry for myself.

Pucky is happy as a can be to be here.  Mojo is happy as long as Teresa is around.  This morning Teresa went out to get some stuff from the car, Mojo howled.  Woke everyone up.  I think it may be a long 4 months for Jim and mom.

We exchanged Birthday presents last night since I am gonna miss Jim’s and mine.  I got the D&D Legend of Drizzt (however it’s spelled) game and a cool tshirt.  We got mom a really cool Glow in the Dark Owl wind chime.  And we got Jim a really cool blue tooth skull speaker.  Surprised how good the sound from it is.

This might be one of the weirdest videos of all time.   So, here ya go.

I can’t believe it’s happening so soon

I think I finished everything Teresa asked me to do today.  It’s getting down to crunch time.  We leave for my family’s home on Wednesday.  Have to be at Mayo in a week to start the transplant process.  Transplant is in 17 days.  Teresa and I actually did bust our butts getting things ready this weekend.  90% packed, not in the car, but in suitcases and boxes waiting to get jammed in the car.  It’s gonna be a tight fit until we get to my family’s house.  Then we should have some room.  Pucky and Mojo will probably spend 6 hours on my lap, lets hope for no accidents.  But it’s all good, we’ll make it to the Region late Wednesday night.  We’ll leave the Region on Sunday when we get up and moving.  It’s a 6 hour drive to Rochester from the Region, so it’s not a big drive/rush.  We should get to the Gift of Life Transplant House around 7 or 8pm.  Then on Monday I have appointments, a lot of appointments.  And with these appointments it begins.  How do you like that totally unstructured paragraph, goes from what I have to do today to what’s happening a week from now and everything in between?  My English teachers are all failing me right now.

Tomorrow I am going to have yet another CBC at Dr. Wehbe’s office.  Yup, another blood test.  This one to see if I am even close to needing a platelet infusion.  If I am close, we will be defaulting towards giving me the infusion.  Dr. Wehbe and I came to an agreement that it would be better to give me one early as opposed to me having to go to the ER in the Region and get an infusion there or getting an emergency infusion at Mayo on Sunday or Monday.  Better to be proactive then reactive in this case.  Cuz a screw up can literally kill me.

Speaking of killing me.  I still feel really good for a person who is technically dying.  You’d think this close to death, I’d feel sick or something, but actually with the exception of anxiety, I feel damn good.  I think I have said it before here, but I’ll say it again.  It’s going to suck that they are going to pump poison (chemo) into me and take me, who is feeling wonderful and make me feel like total crap.  I so wish there was a way to do this without making me feel so rotten, but alas, I have to have chemo in order to accept the donation.

I’m afraid that is gonna take a big hit if/when I get really sick.  I know Teresa is updating my Facebook and then CaringBridge.   The CaringBridge site is really well done, even if some of Teresa’s dates are wrong in her posts.  But I have been asked by several people to have Teresa do the Facebook updates she did last time, I relayed that request to Teresa and I believe she is going to keep my Facebook up to date if I can’t.  This is tinyurl of the CaringBridge site if you are interested in seeing that. is my Facebook.

Me getting sick from the chemo is pretty much a given.  Especially if there is more chemo after the transplant.  Last time I spent more time sick than feeling good.  Leukemia 2015, is either missing in my head or a giant blur of things that happened.  Hoping the MDS 2018 is a little less traumatic, but Teresa promises to take more pictures for me.  I have the strange feeling that MDS 2018 is gonna be worse though.

I’m gonna lose weight again.  I hope to be able to keep off some of it.  Would be nice to not only get a new set of bone marrow but to permanently be 20 pounds lighter.   We have pretty much given up fast food.  Teresa has been cooking every night.  Which she will continue while I am down and can’t at the Transplant House.  Teresa is an excellent cook and I am looking forward to her cooking.

Still don’t know what most of the appointments on the 7th are for.  Mayo updated their computer system and programs, and things aren’t working quite right or so it appears they aren’t working quite right.  Most of them say they are with “Your Healthcare Provider” which is cool, but technically I have a whole team of them, so which one?  I assume 1 of them is Dr Alkhateeb.  Beyond that I have like 6 I do not know who they would be with specifically.  But I will be there and all will be well.  I know I meet with the pharmacist first thing in the morning, then the research people which I agreed to help out.  Then nothing for a few hours, then a bunch of appointments that afternoon.  It’s the ones in the afternoon with no information.  Weird.

It’s something like 82 degrees outside today.  Yup, Spring in Iowa, gotta love it.  It’s supposed to storm the next 3 days.  Yup, Spring in Iowa, gotta love it.  I’m gonna miss it.  But hopefully Rochester doesn’t get so ridiculously hot and humid as it does here this summer.  It would be nice to be able to go out and sit on the deck and enjoy the summer (I am not supposed to get a lot of sun), instead of hiding inside with the A/C blasting all the time.

I wish the Transplant House was able to give out room assignments earlier than the day before you are to arrive.  As it stands now, we are gonna have to get someone to grab our mail for a week or so and pack it up and ship it to us.  Then our temporary change of address which we will send in should take effect.  But since it’s the first week of the month and most bills are mailed to us the first of the month, that mail in the interim is important for the most part.

I broke 1000 words again when I didn’t think I had anything to say.   Heh.

Things to do, so I’ll write on my blog

Teresa is reading a new book from one of her favorite authors… at least she is not freaking out about the transplant at this moment.  I’m doing my best not to interrupt her, she needs some peace right now, but it’s hard considering I am freaking out a little about T-Day coming up quickly.  My biggest freak out point though is still how we are going to fit 4 months worth of stuff into the little Dodge Dart.  I did tell Teresa that my little suitcase with the D&D books and the Skyrim book and the computer stuff is a necessity after she told me it wasn’t.  I am going to need stuff to do once I get my brain back in gear after chemo, so that suitcase is full of the stuff to do.

It’s Saturday, the day we were supposed to get really busy and get the non-clothing stuff packed.  Teresa is reading and I am blogging, needless to say, packing isn’t getting done.  I guess we will get on it after she finishes her book, cuz I wouldn’t ask her to put the book down (or her ipad, but same difference).

We bought these bags from Amazon which have stiff sides.  They have come in super handy on our trips, I think we have 6 of them.  All the little loose stuff; meds, Tylenol, fans, cables, stuff like that all go into these bags real easily.  The bags were made for grocery shopping, so they aren’t huge, but they are big enough for quite a bit of stuff we are packing in them.

My thumb is still messed up, since I did baby it for a week, I am guessing it’s just another joint in my body with tendonitis.  It doesn’t hurt continuously, just occasionally, mostly when I try to lift something.  Most often that is when I try lift my laptop one handed without thinking.  My thumb has hurt so bad the I have almost dropped my laptop numerous times.  I hope that it gets better eventually, cuz having your right thumb not working correctly when you are right handed is awkward.

I think Pucky and Mojo know something big is about to be happening.  I think they think we are gonna leave them here with Jay (our neighbor) taking care of them.  Gonna be a big shock when we drive them to Portage.  My mom does really love Pucky, not so much Mojo.  Pucky is a much friendlier dog.  Mojo is a chicken and is standoffish to people who aren’t me and Teresa.  But I am positive that Mojo and my mom will eventually get along well.  It’s not like they are gonna have much of a choice.

I know I have been writing a lot in this blog lately.  Well for those of you who have been with me from the beginning you know I started it as a way to blow off some anxiety.  Well, that is what all these blog posts have been, anxiety driven blather.  Sorry if it has bothered anyone, but again I point out that I write this blog for me.

110ish days, if things go according to plan.  That is how long we are gonna be in Rochester.  I still am having problems getting my mind completely around 4 months being away from home.  Worse, 4 months away from home while sick for a good portion of it.

If things go off plan, that 110 days can turn into many more.

The Gift of Life House isn’t so bad.  No TV in the rooms sucks.  No eating anywhere but the dining room is inconvenient.  Having to make your bed every day, um aren’t I an adult?  But having a meticulously clean place for 30 bucks a night is hard to beat.  Plus my morning blood draw can be done at the House, Mayo has it set up there, so I don’t have to haul my behind to the hospital every morning AND just about every afternoon.  I’ll just have to go just about every afternoon.

Dr Wehbe (my local oncologist) told me about how getting too many infusions can make you start rejecting them.  I have had A LOT of infusions since April 1, 2015.  Let’s hope I don’t start rejecting any time soon.  That would truly suck beyond recognition.

Oh, yeah, yesterday was PCH award day and yet again they had no winner for their big prize (surprise).  However, what did come as a shock was that they announced that the price was still available today and I believe they are having another drawing tomorrow.  It’s not like I am going to win, but I really hope someone does.

My book is on indefinite hiatus until I recover from Chemo Brain.  Which shouldn’t be so bad this time unless I do have the chemo after my transplant.  Then it might be a year to a year and a half until Chemo Brain is gone.  Otherwise I was looking at 3 to 4 months of not being able to think clearly.  I really hope I don’t have to have the extra chemo.

At least there is a diversion

Mood is still great.  So happy about not being depressed and angry anymore.  Will always take a happy great mood over the down I was in.  However, anxiety is getting worse. 20 days til transplant, 10 days til things start at Mayo, and 5 days til we are supposed to leave to go drop of Pucky and Mojo and see my mom and brother.  Time is not on our side.  We got a lot to do to get ready to be not in the house for 4 months and just really not a lot of time to get prepared.  This is causing a lot of anxiety for me and for Teresa too.  It’s not that we put stuff off, it’s that we never knew if it was really going to happen, so priorities were skewed.  So whereas my mood is excellent, anxiety has me somewhat tied in knots and its not gonna get better probably for 20 days.

A moment about anxiety.  Anxiety has been with me for the past 30ish years.  It has kept me from doing a lot of things (most specifically school), and rises it’s ugly head whenever anything of importance happens in my life.  Where I can live with my bipolar, it sucks, but its just what it is…  Anxiety is always a negative, so hard to live with, impossible to live with.  This transplant and everything we have to do for it are feeding into my anxiety.  It’s taking everything in my being to continue on with all this.  Today the anxiety is really bad and I am not sure why.

I feel sorry for Teresa.  She never had anxiety before my leukemia diagnoses in 2015.  Now it’s getting bad again with MDS diagnoses of 2018.  She is having problems dealing with it.  She has taken Clonazepam (her own prescription) that is heling a little, she has a journal as well (similar to my blog, but she doesn’t share it with anyone but me).  I wish I didn’t keep bringing anxiety into her life.  Hopefully this is the last time.

I should be finishing getting ready for the trip, but instead I am watching the Greatest Royal Rumble on the WWE Network.  For some reason they decided to start it at 11am Central Time on a Friday.  A bit weird for WWE programming, but it’s creating a nice diversion.  And really, I did need a good diversion today.

Heh, they were still pounding on my neighbors roof by the time Teresa got home after 6.  That means it took them like 11 hours to reroof my neighbor’s home.  UGH, just kinda sucked to be me yesterday.  I should’ve went somewhere, but hindsight is 20/20 and I just lived with it.  My stupidity.

Made a deal with my oncologist (Dr. Wehbe), next Tuesday if my platelets are close to the cut off for an infusion (which they will be), he will order me a 6pack of platelets.  This came about because I don’t want to have to go to the ER in the Region to get an infusion a few days later or worse be really sick on the way up to Rochester.  So I should be getting an infusion of platelets Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday.

I did pack all my important D&D books, and a few notebooks, my big Skyrim book, and most of my computer paraphernalia (headset, gamepad, charging cables, etc…).  All of that went into my little suitcase.  I tried to fit all that in a smaller case, but it wasn’t going to happen.  So, I will make room for the little suitcase in the Dart.

We’ve been playing Pokémon Go every evening.  Pucky and Mojo love to go for the ride.  And Teresa and I just go around town and catch what we can and visit all the Pokestops and Pokegyms.  We may not be the highest level players in Adel, but we are tenacious, so basically if we see a gym, we take a gym.  I am, however, almost out of healing, so we need to visit a bunch of Pokestops tonight.  Tonight or tomorrow I will finally be ready to upgrade my Magikarp to Gyarados, just a week or so behind Teresa.

I just have to interject here.  The ladder match at the Greatest Royal Rumble was insane.  4 of my favorite wrestlers going at it.  An incredible finish.   Yup.  Impressive stuff.

Just got word that May 17th is confirmed as the date barring something horrific happening to my donor between now and then.  So, in other words, it’s a definite go.  Heh, was kind of sort of hoping it would be pushed off another month or so.  But in reality, this transplant has to happen as soon as possible, so the May 17th is all good.

I think I am going to cut this off now.  At least my ramble ended on a good note.

Better now.

My mood is much much better today.  You could even call it a good mood.  I am not angry or depressed anymore.  This is a good thing because we got a lot of stuff to get done before next Wednesday and being depressed and angry was keeping me from getting things ready.  And a good thing I am not angry at nothing anymore cuz if I was I would have wigged out at the roofers next door this morning.  Yeah, I know they were only doing their jobs, but early morning wakeup of BANG BANG BANG really sucks.  Anyhow, here it is almost 2:30pm and they are still pounding on my neighbor’s (the other half of our townhome) roof.

Went and got a blood test today, as I do every week.  My hemoglobin is still down to 10.6, my white blood count is still 2.9 and my platelets are down a few points to 15 (from 17 last week).  Pretty much what I expected them to be.  All the numbers are down from where they are supposed to be, so thus the transplant is a necessity.

As of now, I have 8 appointments on May 7th.  Only know about them cuz I clicked on the appointment tab on Mayo’s patient app.  They haven’t called me or emailed me, just populated my appointments.  But I guess it’s alright, this means it’s more definite even though we haven’t gotten the confirmation of the transplant date yet.  I am supposed to start treatment on the 8th, so the 7th for a bunch of appointments sounds reasonable.

Again for those who care.  8th and 9th are anti-seizure meds (pills) 10th-13th chemo 14th-15th other harsher chemo 16th a day off(?) 17th the transplant.  The transplant itself is a no brainer, they just pump the platelets in through the port I will have.  Takes about an hour, then they pump in 6 hours of fluids.  The whole day is like a 12 hour day.

With the exception of when I am getting chemo, I am staying at the Gift of Life Transplant House.  That is where all cards and such are to be sent.  I will post the address with our room number when we get there on the 6th.  The room number should be the same for all 110+ days we are stuck in Rochester.

Oh yeah, the reality of the 100 days, it may be up to ridiculously longer than that.  There is a better than average chance that we will be stuck there into or thru winter as well.  Especially if I have to have multiple rounds of chemo after my transplant.

Tomorrow is the Great Royal Rumble of All Time.  Starts at 11am Central Time.  Should be a cool show, I wonder how many hours they are gonna run?  But, not because we are totally sick of them, they are putting Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns yet again as the main event.  Doesn’t WWE know that we don’t want to see the same thing over and over?


The only problem with our neighbor getting his roof replaced is that our roof is going to look worse.  Hopefully our insurance company doesn’t do a drive by and say our side needs to be replaced.  Just can’t afford that right now.

It’s gonna be nice to see my mom and brother next week, even though it’s not due to the best of reasons.  I miss them, I want to see them before my transplant, and we need to drop Pucky and Mojo off.   Thankful to Teresa that she is willing to spend a few days there.  And good timing cuz we are going to be there on my brother’s days off.  So, it’s all good.

Off to do some work towards getting things ready.  Readers, you all have a good day.

Yeah, a very subjective list.  Feel free to bash the list as I have in my head.  PEACE.

A Bunch of Babbly part 2

Depression still going strong, throw in anger cuz that is how I role.  I am super angry at everything and snapping at Teresa right and left.  I have no reason to be angry, things here are moving towards our goal of getting us prepared to go to Mayo for my Stem Cell Transplant.  Depression and anger often manifest together with me (so does mania and anger, for that matter).  However, I haven’t been depressed for a long time in a long time, and this one really has a hold of me.  And now anger on top of it.  I would take another clonazepam to disconnect, but I slept enough today already.

Speaking of sleep, 7 1/2 hours, 3 hours, 1 hour.  11 1/2 hours total and I am still stupid tired.  After 7 1/2 hours on a CPAP I should feel totally refreshed and ready to be awake for the day.  Nope.  I admit that the CPAP keeps me from waking up as much as I do without it, but it still doesn’t stop all the wake ups.  Stupid machine.  Then I took a 3 hour nap, and another 1 hour nap.  The 1 hour nap ended in stupid nightmare, so any rest I was gonna get out of that hour is gone.

Tomorrow I go for my weekly blood test.  It was every 2 weeks, but Dr Alkhateeb moved it to every week.  He really is concerned I am going to run out of platelets.  So off I will go to the Cancer Center in Clive and let them vampire me again.  Hoping that my platelets are at least 14.

Teresa is washing/rewashing all of my clothes.  Specifically the clothes I am taking with me to Rochester.  She got HE sensitive skin, no smell super detergent to wash the clothes in.  I think she is being a bit paranoid about the clothes, but hey, I am not doing the laundry, if she wants to rewash my clothes, who am I to say no.  I just occasionally have to help get clothes out of the washing machine and occasionally have to carry the clothes from the dryer to the folding place.   Easy Peasy

All the clothes I am taking SHOULD fit in my big suitcase.  I have a small suitcase backup just in case, just not sure where I would fit it in the car.  Things are really going to be that tight.  One small suitcase might just be too much.  But I am champion of making stuff fit.  I will get EVERYTHING that we need packed into the Dart.

Yesterday I spun a Pokestop and it gave me 19 items.  The most either of us had ever gotten before was 11.  LOL.  Stuff just kept popping up on my screen.  Included in that was another up-grade piece to upgrade Porygon.  I haven’t seem a Porygon in a long time (well, since we started playing Pokémon Go about 2 years ago.  Anyhow, if I ever see more and catch them, I am ready to upgrade 2 of them.

Speaking of upgrades, I need to go out and get max or close to max level Pokémon that I have even candy to upgrade them.  I have probably enough candy to upgrade 12 marginal Pokémon.  I would like them all the be close to max power.  So when we go out Pokehunting tonight, I will be on the special lookout for the ones I can upgrade.

My back has been hurting a bit more lately.  I quit the Flexeril do to side effects.  Now, I have some pain pills (Norco) for when I gets bad.  But I don’t like taking those either.  So most of the time I am just living with the pain.  It sucks, but hey it could be worse, I could have cancer, oh wait, I do have cancer, so maybe it can’t be worse.

My red blood cells are smaller than normal.  This has caused concern in Dr. Alkhateeb.  He thought it was a vitamin B6 deficiency but I am taking B6 and have been for a while and the cells haven’t grown.  This is why Dr. Alkhateeb thinks I might need chemo after the transplant, at least partly that is.  Suckage.

In case I have not made this clear, I do not want chemo after the transplant.  I just want to go to the transplant house and serve me 100ish days.  But that’s probably not going to happen, I’m probably going to get a couple rounds of chemo after the transplant has taken hold.  So, it won’t happen right after transplant, probably a month or so after transplant would be my guess.  Still suckage.

Heh, it’s one week before we want to leave.  I’m pretty sure we’ll be ready.  I just need to get Mayo to send us something officialish to make Teresa happy.  I’ll message them when I get done here and ask for that something officialish.  Everything else is falling into place.  Just no word, is not good word in this case.  And it seems like since the beginning with Mayo we have had problems with getting the word from them.   But that is another rant.

I’m gonna go now.  I really need to calm down.  So here is Queen in drag.

A Bunch of Babble

Still dealing with this stupid depression.  Stupid stupid stupid.  I know I have nothing to really be depressed about, but I am down.  I don’t think Teresa’s hypothesis (which I mentioned yesterday) is a factor in keeping me down.  It might have been the trigger, but it’s pure bipolar crap that is keeping me this way.  I should be in a good mood, I am getting what I wanted, but no, I am down in the dumps, thinking the world would be better without me in it.  No, I am not suicidal, I never get suicidal, I just got really down depressed, which is where I am now.

Furthermore, I know if I came off my Nimodipine this mood would flip in a heartbeat or two.  But I am not that stupid.  Cycling like a madman is not preferred over being depressed.  Just another crazy thought that goes through my head when I am down.  Heh, my filter must be off today.  Don’t mind me, I’m just the crazy guy in the corner wishing he wasn’t alive but not going to do anything to reach that wish.

I did go to lunch with my good friend Drew.  Yes, finally, the lunch we scheduled months ago finally happened.  Beirman Furniture (the business furniture store he works for) picked up the tab…  Thanks Nate.  We did go to HuHot and it was exceptionally good today and not very crowded.  So we had a nice lunch and a nice chat.  I almost forgot I was depressed, hanging out with my friend was good for me.

Then the dryer vent cleaner guy came.  He was a really nice guy.  If you live in central Iowa, then use Central Iowa Duct Cleaning, Gary is a stand up guy, did a great job, came out next day and didn’t charge extra for coming out to Adel, and his flat rate (including tax) was 106.00 dollars and he really had to work for it on our dryer vent.  Two major plugs, it took him almost a whole hour to unclog our vent, but now air flows through cleanly.

Now, after playing happy for a few hours today, I am feeling drained.  I am thinking of taking a nap between when I finish this blog entry and when Teresa gets home.  I don’t normally take naps this late in the day, but today I might just do it.

Well, I heard back from Mayo, May 17th is Transplant Day, Day 0.  Which makes the 8th day -9, when I first have to show up at the hospital to take some anti-seizure pills.  2 days of pills, then 5 days of 1 chemo, then 2 days of the other chemo, then a day off, then the transplant.  Then we find out if I have to have extra chemo after I get the transplant.  I hope not, that would truly suck, but Dr Alkhateeb has mentioned this possibility several times.

May 17th also is the day that the dietician people rescheduled the class from May 3rd.  DOH.  They obviously didn’t look at my schedule when they rescheduled the class.  Well, the class is mainly for Teresa and I will be having a lot of prep before the transplant, so maybe she can go while I am getting prepped.  Or maybe then can move it til the 31st when it’s offered again if they really want me to be there for it.

We are going to try to leave here the evening of the May 2nd and head to my mom and brother’s place.  It’s a 6 hour drive and Teresa plans to work a full day, then drive it.  OUCH.  But if anyone can do that, it’s her.  Us going depends on 3 things.  1.  We get all packed in time.  2.  Sumpter Pharmacy can get permission to fill my meds a day early and gets them filled in time.  And 3.  We get official word from Mayo that the donor is on board and it’s all a go.  (Yeah, we still haven’t gotten that).  I’m not too worried about the first 2, packing I can do while Teresa is at work and Sumpter Pharmacy has never let us down.  The 3rd item might be an issue, but I will start harassing them soon to get official notice.

The plan is to get to my mom and brother’s with the dogs LATE on the 2nd.  Then spend the 3rd, 4th and 5th there, seeing friends if they are up to it, spending time with my family, and I would say trying to get the dogs adjusted, but 3 days isn’t enough for that.  Then the 6th driving the 6 hours to Rochester from Portage.  Then taking the 7th off to just relax.  Then start my treatment on the 8th.   Seems like a solid plan if you ask me.  Everything seems reasonable except the 6 hour drive after a full day of work on the 2nd, I think that is borderline insane.

Oh yeah, Drew said he’s going to come visit me up in Rochester.  I told him it has to be after 20 days after transplant.  I will be pale, bald, and wearing a mask, but I will be happy to see him.  But he said he was coming, I said he didn’t have to, and he said that he was coming anyway.  That’s the kind of friend I have in Drew.

I have a couple other friends who were talking coming up to visit me, I do not know if they are still planning on it or if it’s even crossed their minds in the months this has been pending.  I guess I will have to reach out and find out for myself if they still want to come.  You know friends seeing you when you are at your absolute worse, fun fun fun.

Room in the car is going to be tight for the trip up.  Teresa has already blackballed a couple things I was planning on bringing.  However, she has agreed to my D&D books. Since I am only taking 4 or 5 and then having Modenkainen’s Tome of Foes delivered up there.  The case I am taking them in will fit without much problem.  I just get the feeling that the 2015 Dodge Dart was not meant to haul 2 peoples’ stuff for 4 months.  I think there is more room in the Neon, but Teresa doesn’t like to drive it cuz it’s a stick, well maybe not more room, but different shaped room (squarer trunk).

I’m also taking my big book about Skyrim.  It’s about the size of 3 D&D books.  I will make room for it.  Yup.

I can’t seem to get my head around being away from home for 4 months.  And that is assuming I get out on time.  Everyone that I have mentioned the 100 days to has basically chuckled and said, “OH, your on the 100 day plan” inferring that most people get stuck in the transplant house longer than 100 days.  Oh well, this is my mental block, I guess I will just have to live it.

Damn, I have been blathering for 1200 words or pretty close to it.  I think I will go grab something musically and then sign off.

Yeah, I usually try to find a video which means something or is special to me.  In this case, you get a video.  Sorry.

Just another not-so-manic Monday

Today my mood crashed.  I hate being bipolar and having simple things throwing my mood for a loop one way or the other.  Teresa hypothesized that my down tumble came from the excitement of if insurance was going to pay for the transplant or if I was ever going to get the transplant to the let down way I was informed, by accident.  I have still never been officially informed that it’s going to happen but had multiple people unofficially tell me of the date.  I am not sure who to blame for not letting me know officially, but Dr. Alkhateeb is the one in charge, so I guess I can blame him.  Anyway, my mood is crap right now, but I will try to keep this blog post from reflecting that too much, just a little.

I didn’t sleep much last night, went to bed about 11:15pm and woke up at 2:20am and couldn’t fall back asleep.  Don’t know what was up with that.  I then napped for a few hours after Teresa left for work, but even then it was only 7:30am to 9:30am.  I finally caught another hour around 1pm, making the grand total for this sleeping block to be 6 hours or so.  I am tired on top of depressed.

We have went out Pokémon Go playing every night since we got back from Mayo.  I wouldn’t be playing it at all if not for Teresa, but I do enjoy spending the time with her.  She is about 3 magikarp away from upgrading her magikarp to Garados.  I’m sure she has more upgrades ready, but that is the big one that is for prestige and the quest.  I have the special pieces for Sloking and Porygon 2 but need a few more of slopoke and porygon than she does magikarp.  Magikarp are much more common.  She is level 25 and I am barely level 24.  She is getting higher level Pokémon than I am.  But it’s all good.  She has the advantage of having a Pokémon rift area around where she works.  I only go hunting in Adel, well and at Mayo/Rochester.

Waiting to hear back from the Bone Marrow Transplant team (forever referred to as BMT team from now on).   Still wondering if we have to attend the silly class on the neutropenic diet.  Also I wanted to confirm that May 17 is Day 0, transplant day and not day -9.  I would know this had I been officially told.

I played Skyrim for a while today, something I haven’t done in a month or so.  I started over yet again.  So HECTIC my cat rogue is only level 9 right now (although he has the xp to be level 11, long story about why I don’t level to 10 right away).  Anyhow, it provided a bit of distraction today when I specifically needed it.

Tomorrow I am finally having that lunch with Drew.  The one we have both cancelled a couple of times.  The one that was originally scheduled for a couple months ago.  We are going to HuHot, because soon I won’t be able to eat raw or undercooked vegetables which is what you basically get at HuHot, thoroughly warmed but not overly cooked vegetables.  So, my plan is to get it while I can.

After lunch I have to come back to the house to meet up with the Dryer Vent Cleaner guy.  He seemed really nice on the phone.  I hope to be in a better mood.  It will suck if I am not.  I can fake a good mood at lunch, but at the house it’s a completely different thing.  Teresa googled how much it would cost and google said between 150 and 200 dollars, the guy I found was only 100+tax so 106.  BARGAIN.  I hope he doesn’t do a half-ass job for the half price.

Teresa wants to put a bunch of the bags of clothes we are throwing away out on the curb.  I am kind of against this, cuz A. Trash doesn’t run til Thursday and B.  It’s supposed to rain Tuesday and Wednesday.  Gonna take these bags of clothes and make them bags of wet clothes. Oh well, she is the boss.  I just cart the stuff around.

I’m feeling a little better, let’s go do physical labor.  Music first

Finding new/old stuff is cool

Beginning to feel the anxiety really building up.  May end up taking an extra Clonazepam (Klonnie).  Have generalized anxiety and specific anxiety issues really does suck.  Wish I was normal, right now I would just have specific anxiety and probably be able to handle it without resorting to meds.  Ah well, such is my life, get remotely nervous about something and it turns into harmful anxiety.  I know I can’t help it, that it’s part of what makes me who I am.  Just wish this part of me would calm down a little and let me have some peace.

I am still having problems with my right thumb.  I didn’t take proper care of it, so it didn’t get better.  Stupid me, I should have listened to Dr. Donahue.  I guess I will start taking better care of it this week and see if I can’t get it to stop hurting as much.

I have resumed writing my book.  As of now I have added about 600 more words, but I just started again, so that’s cool in my opinion.  Hoping to break 10,000 words tonight.   I hope to get a good chunk of the book written before I get chemo stupid.  But since chemo starts in 18 days, it’s gonna be near impossible to meet my goal, but that’s ok, after my chemo stupidity goes away, I will be able to resume writing and finish my book.  My goal for pre-chemo is ridiculous and a seasoned writer would have problems matching it.  Especially considering all the crap we have to do before we leave for my family’s house, which is in a week and a half.

We managed to clean all the old clothes out of the bedroom closet.  Took us all last evening and into the night, but it is done.  I’d like to say we are doing the responsible thing and donating all the used clothes to charity, but reality says we don’t have the time so it’s all gonna be garaged.  Most of the clothes were thrashed anyway.  I did find my ZOO sweatshirt circa 1989, which I kept for sentimental reasons.  Also found 3 pairs of jeans and a bunch of shirts that will fit me now.  Weird since we haven’t really went into the closet for several years.  Now I have more clothes that fit me than Teresa does.  I never figured myself to be a clothes horse, but damn I own a lot of t shirts.

Tonight we plan to move the great clean clothes pile into the closet.  The great clean clothes pile has grown entirely too big over the years.  We should have never started it and I am glad we are finally going to get rid of it.   It started as a temporary spot to pile cleans clothes before they were put away.  Then more clean clothes, then more clean clothes, and so on and so forth, it’s grown out of proportion.

Teresa is really digging God of War.  Kratos has turned into an even bigger jerk than he was in previous games.  And Arteus (Kratos’ son) is still a putz (but you can give him upgrades to his bow and equipment that makes him a worth while putz worthy to tag along).  Teresa found a walkthrough online so she started the game over and is amazed by all she missed on the first try.  It’s all good, she is having fun, that is all I wanted for her.  Oh yeah, for those that are familiar with the God of War games, Kratos sleeps with no one. Very not like him in previous games.

Well, Teresa have started on the Great Clean Clothes Pile, I guess I should help.  A little music before I go though.