This Title Intentionally Left Blank

Showed up for my 1:00pm Therapy appoint at 12:45 only to see I got a text on the elevator ride up to her office asking me to come at 1:30 instead.  DOH.  I finally got in to see her at 1:45.  I was there til almost 3pm.  She has a couple new therapeutic toys she had to show me, this weird magnetic clay and her box of sand and collection of stuff.  By stuff I mean toys and figures to use to build how you feel in the box.  She didn’t have a blown mind person, so there was no playing in the sand for me.

This was an unnecessary Therapy session.  Whereas I was mind blown a few days ago and in desperate need of someone else to talk to, today I was mostly calm and collected.  The fireworks that were deciding on my future plans have went off and now is the calm smoky part.  Heck, if she’d seen me yesterday, I was pretty messed up going over my proposed schedule.  <shudder> (Guess I am still a bit messed up about it).  Today we just talked about my plan and she gave some suggestions, most of which I had already thought of.  She is good at her job, she knows when to push and when to not with me, that is what the years I have been seeing her has developed.

She is concerned about my weird sleeping and fired off an email to my shrink asking if he had some other sleep med her could put me on that would keep me asleep for longer than 3 or 4 hours a night.  The concern is that lack of sleep can cause bipolar symptoms… mania.  And we don’t want those.

Oh, I heard back from the admissions people at WGU and my essay passed.  You remember, the one I said I bombed.  LOL.  It was bad.  They must just want the money.  Oh well, I am off to DMACC in 59 days.

I may be adding a Math class to my schedule for summer.  I don’t want to, but if I want to take Calculus next summer, I need to take College Algebra and Trigonometry (YUCK) between now and then.  And then there is also the Statistics class I have to take.  So 4 Math classes and 13 Science classes in 2 or 2 1/2 years.  I need to get on those right away.  YUP YUP

I did some research and found out that DMACC has free tutoring.  I have the feeling that I will be on a first name basis with a bunch of tutors.  That is ok, if you weren’t supposed to use them, they wouldn’t have them.

I read the list of classes I need to take at DMACC.  He said and I quote, “Good luck”.  LOL.  My brother has a way with words sometimes.  I can’t wait to go back there again this summer, it’ll be so nice to see Jim and my Mom.  And my friends who never escaped the Region, and the rest of my family who makes the effort to come see me.  Don’t get me wrong, some of them I go see, but most that I see will be there for my brother’s party.

Which reminds me, any of my friends are welcome to come to my brother’s party.  It’s going to be June 3rd, which is a Saturday.  It’s BYOB but food is covered.  So, think about it and come and eat and hang out with me, so I am not surrounded by my brother’s friends who think I am rude when I don’t speak to them.  Maybe I am?

 

 

 

 

1 dead mouse

My laptop is dying a slow painful death, I have mentioned the before.  However, before my laptop dies it’s final death, the mouse has perished.  We figure this mouse to be about 12 years old or older, like maybe Vegas old.  Well anyhow, intelligent me had bought a backup mouse, the same one I use on my desktop computer.  A Logitech Performance MX wireless mouse.  So, cool, I should have this covered….. stupid laptop won’t recognize the wireless receiver.  DOH.  Luckily, Teresa had a spare mouse of many colors (it changes colors) which the laptop graciously decided it could see.

I found out a little more about my pre-med program at DMACC.  My adviser, Kris, had it all set out for me.  Good on her for being on the ball.  She presented me with the pre-med stuff and the Associates of Science degree info.  All good there.  2 1/2 years I think its going to take me to do.  I could technically do it in 2, but I am thinking 2 1/2.  No problem.

I am going to have to take a lot of classes that I have no idea what to expect in…  Calculus, Physics, Chemistry.  And a whole lot of you have to take this before you can take that is going on too.

This summer I am taking English 105 Comp 1, History 113 Modern-Present, and Student Development 108 Becoming a Master student or some such.  8 credits.  Full time over the summer.  I SHOULD be able to ACE all three of these.

But in Compositions I still put 2 spaces after periods, which is apparently a no-no now.  And I am not a fan of the oxford comma.  If the teacher is a stickler for those kinds of things, I might be in trouble.  Hard to get out of the habit of space space.  I can put in oxford commas if that is what he wants.

History I have already taken at the college level and I ACED it then.  But I can’t transfer the credits cuz at the same college I got a bunch of Withdrawal Failures, which would be a bummer to drag my GPA down.

Student Development is a class that DMACC makes EVERYONE take.  Its 1 credit, so not a lot of class in that.  My adviser said a great deal of time is spent plotting out your schedule.  Well, to be honest, my schedule is going to look SCARY.

Intro to Bio, Intro to Chem are on my schedule for FALL.  Probably Statistics too.  That’s my 12 credits to be considered full time right there.  Heh, might HAVE to go 15 or 16 credits to graduate in 2 1/2 years (might be 3), maybe throw the Speech class in there or Philosophy.

After that semester all Hell breaks lose with Sciences and the oh so daunting Calculus.  I get to take a few non-STEM courses, like sociology and psychology to fill out my Associate degree.  But I am gonna take a LOT of science, which is understandable since I want to be a doctor.

I’ll take next summer’s courses online too, so I can make my pilgrimage to the Region in June.  But after next year, I don’t think I am gonna be able to do that with summers.  I think I will be taking Science classes.

Note to self-have to take Calculus BEFORE I can take Physics.  Calculus and Comp 2 next Summer online.

Can a person learn Biology and Chemistry at the same time?  And what about Biology and Physics?  Chemistry and Physics?  Mind numbing to think about what I am gonna try to do.

13 Science courses.  Even at 2 a semester (not counting summers) that is 3 1/2 years.  I may end up with a science/science/science semester.  BOOM. <brain explosion>

8 summer+12 Fall+12 Spring =32×2 years=64 for the Associates degree.  If only I could pull that off.  I am gonna need 1 more summer and 1 more Fall.  Just to get all the recommended Sciences in before transferring to somewhere else.

Oh, this is a little intimidating when I put it out on (virtual) paper.  My mind is just having problems wrapping around all these science courses I have to take, with the you must take this before you take this going on for a bunch of them.

Oh yeah, I was gonna throw in Biochem at DMACC, but the med schools require it to be a 300+ level course, so it has to wait until University.  At least that is one science I don’t have to worry about YET.

I am gonna have a metric shit-ton of studying/memorizing to do over the next 2-2 1/2-3 years.  It actually should lessen a little once I get to a University.  Go figure.

gil-head-explode-again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Sigh

LOL, I just let out a huge sigh (thus the title of this post).  I have made and changed my mind so many times over the last week its a wonder my mind is still holding itself together.

Finally choosing my major for good is a great relief, none of the others sounded right in my head.  Even teacher didn’t quite sound right, although I am sure I would have enjoyed it and been damn good at it.

Just to think a week ago, I wasn’t planning on going to school, I wasn’t planning on being anything.  I was learning SELinux in hopes of getting my RHCSA (Red Hat certification).  It made no sense to me and Teresa doesn’t know it very well or couldn’t explain it very well to me.

Then I discovered WGU.  I still think I would have thrived there.  The cram as many classes as you can in a semester for a blanket cost has an incredible amount of appeal.  Yes, I have read about people who got bachelor’s degrees in 4 months there.  It can be done, not easily, you’d REALLY have to know the topic.  WGU respawned my desire to go to school, for that I will always have a soft spot for that University.  It’s my backup for if I don’t keep a 3.75 GPA.  Its cheap and I could get a degree fairly quickly.

I kicked around a couple different majors at WGU, both in IT and Teaching, finally picking Interdisciplinary Studies (K-8) as my goal.  Teaching is an honorable profession that more people need to get into.  It is my #2 dream… to be a teacher.

Which brings me to DMACC.  Iowa has a nice system set up here.  Community Colleges are basically local low level University extensions.  What I mean is, if you take English in a Community College, that exact English Class will be offered in the Universities. 1 for 1 translation.  Which is pretty cool in my book.  My plan is to get an AS (Associate of Science) degree from the Community College.  Doing it slowly as to not put any undo pressure onto myself that might trigger anything.

When I graduate from DMACC in 2 1/2 years, I will probably end up at Iowa State University, because it’s only an hour away and I technically could drive that every day for class, I wouldn’t want to but I could.  But I would prefer to go to University of Iowa in Iowa City.  Why?  The Carver School of Medicine is part of UofI and they give special consideration to graduates from UofI for admissions.  UofI, however, is 132 miles away or 2 hours.  Too far to drive every day, so I would have to rent a room somewhere for school and come home on the weekends.  Not optimum, but doable I guess.  I also will probably end up doing the same thing at ISU, so I change my statement, I will probably end up at UofI.

Then hopefully, I would end up at Carver School of Medicine, the 25th ranked medical school in the nation, local tuition vs out of state.  Have to save some money where I can.  There I would probably stay where I was staying while attending UofI.  Makes sense if I don’t end up in a pit.

So it would be 3 years at UofI to get my bachelors, 4 at med school, then hopefully residency at Lutheran Hospital here in Des Moines.  In Iowa, Residency is 3 years for Family Medicine.  Then I would be a doctor.  So I am looking at 12 1/2 years to become a doctor.  The long haul.  So, instead of a 57 year old doctor, its looking more of a 59 year old doctor.  But I will start treating patients in 7 1/2 years, while on med school rotation.  Heck, if I get into med school I will be helping with surgeries and other medical things after 2 years.  A little intimidating at this point.  But nothing I won’t be able to handle.

I thank those of you who actually read these posts.  Most of them are thinking out loud.  Plus, they are anxiety driven most of the time.  This post wasn’t.  I am actually pretty mellow right now (as I scroll back to see the little book this post has become).

I want to do this.  I want to succeed where I have failed oh so many times before.  Heck, if I can make it past 1 non-summer semester (summer semesters don’t count, they are short) I will be doing better than I have ever done before.

Oh yeah, I have done some math to figure out debt to become a doctor.  About a quarter of a million dollars is what it costs.  But starting you make between 150-250k a year, so it’s all good.

Well, there it is.  The past week and a bit of the hopeful future summarized in just over 800 words.

 

 

 

 

Back up plan

OK, I know I screwed up my essay.  I know that Teresa isn’t happy with my choice of major.  I know a lot of things that go against going to WGU.  So, I made an appointment for Friday morning with an advisor at DMACC, the localish community college (35 minutes or so).  Yes, DMACC actually costs a little more.  Yes, it’s not as convenient as having as many classes that I can cram into a term.   Yes, I would be giving up my #2 dream to be a teacher.

That being said, I have looked into and talked to a couple medical schools.  Yup, if you are gonna dream, dream big.  My head shakes, but my hands are actually pretty solid, and the head shaking is mostly when I am nervous.  I have asked 3 medical schools if bipolar and head shaking would rule me out and they all said No.  That it’s mostly grades and MCAT and extra curricular stuff.  So, I am gonna talk to an adviser at DMACC about pre-med.  Yeah, I would be the oldest guy in school to be a doctor, but its not unheard of.  And the #25 in the nation med school is in Iowa City.

I have no idea where I am going with this.  I sincerely want to be a doctor…  Family Medicine Doctor to be exact.  Wanted to be one all my life.  Before teacher, before race car driver, before anything, I wanted to be a doctor.

So Friday, I talk to my adviser at DMACC and see what options there are to be had.  Who knows 11 years from now, when I am 57 years old, I might be Dr. Jeffrey A Campbell.

boy-2027615_960_720

 

 

Finally

I finally took the readiness test.  I think I did well on the math and grammar parts.  But I am sure I totally bombed the essay. Most embarrassing really, I could write a 10 page paper on the subject now, but when the clock was on, I froze.  Total blank as to what to write.  I am sure it was all incoherent babble that finally got put down on paper.  I just hope they take into consideration I haven’t written an essay in 25 years.  But it was long enough, it was in balanced paragraphs, it did have a hypothesis and it did sum up at the end.  It’s just the middle that sucked.

So, I talk to Katie tomorrow.  She is my entrance counselor for Interdisciplinary Studies (K-8).  Hopefully she will have the answer for me if I am gonna get in with that essay or not.  If I don’t get in this time, I can retake the essay part in 2 months, which would mean May testing for a June start.  June to November, December to May… not the best set up since I am not around the end of November ever (Thanksgivingfest).  But if I start in June, I am still on the 2016-2017 financial aid I believe.  That is what I want.

If I find out tomorrow that I am not getting in, I may talk to DMACC again and start there this summer and pick up some credits (which would all transfer to WGU).  Who knows, if I pick up some science credits I could switch to a High School Science teacher major, those are needed EVERYWHERE.  Apparently, nobody likes to teach science anymore.

Nah, I want to stay with Elementary Education.  But I would like to take some serious science classes (elementary school science just doesn’t count).  I already looked at DMACC’s summer schedule.  If I want to haul my butt up to Ankeny 4 days a week, I can take Intro to Biology and Intro to General Chemistry.  They of course meet Monday Wednesday and Tuesday Thursday just to be annoying. But I don’t know if I would want to handle 2 science courses in the same summer session.

Let’s just hope that WGU forgives my horrible essay and lets me in.  Then I don’t have to worry about anything else.

Oh, by the way, I texted my therapist today.  She has been up in Rochester, Minnesota with her husband who has Leukemia (of all things).  I texted her just asking if she planned to be in town any time soon or if not, was there another therapist at her place that I could see.  The last thing I expected was for her to say, I will come see you.  I didn’t want to take her away from her husband, but its been 6 months or so since I saw her, and I kind of got a lot going on and could use someone to talk to.  I will have a serious talk with her about seeing another therapist cuz she needs or rather he needs her more than she realizes.  I know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been decided

After a long talk with Teresa, we have came to the conclusion that she has no faith in my ability to go thru school.  Yup, none what-so-ever.  It’s ok, I know where she is coming from, as I have stated before I don’t have 100% confidence I can do this, but dammit, I have to try.   I have to try for several reasons.

  1.  It gives me something to do besides sit on my butt playing computer games and reading Facebook posts all day.
  2. I need a purpose for living.  Yes, I love Teresa and my family and friends, but some days a person needs to think, “I live to do this or because of that.”  Not just for someone else.
  3. If I succeed, I will be able to become a productive member of society again.  Something I can’t claim and haven’t been able to claim for many years.
  4. I will be able to actually contribute to our household.  Yeah, I get my disability check, but that isn’t much and being on disability sucks.
  5. And finally, if I succeed, I will get a job and actually leave the house with purpose.

And I have decided I am going to major in Interdisciplinary Education (K-8).  Which is basically elementary and middle school general type studies.  Yup, I am going to try to become a teacher.

As I said before, being a teacher was dream #2.  Since dream #1 is impossible now.  Dream #2 is best choice.  I want to pay homage to all the great teachers I had growing up… Mrs. Anderson, Mrs. Bedell, Mr. Still, and those teachers I can’t quite remember the name of.  I was lucky.  I want to show Mr. Halashack that an asthmatic kid who couldn’t graduate normally from high school can eventually make a comeback and become a teacher.

I know that some of you who know me don’t think I can hack it as a teacher.  Well, you may very well be right, but there is only one way to find out and that is to try.

By the way, the starting salary for a teacher in Des Moines in $32,685.00.  Which is chump change.  Good thing Teresa has a good job.

My sister-in-law said that I should only do this if I felt it was a calling.  Yeah, its calling and dammit, I am gonna answer the call.

Heh, I will be 52 when I graduate, giving me roughly 10 or so years to work before retiring.  Then again, that would be the same with any job I got now.  Yeah, I could do the computer degree in 3 years probably and the teaching one is probably going to take 5.  That is fine, a couple years makes no real difference.

In the words of the Animals…  “It’s my life and I’ll do what I want”  Yes, this is what I want.

mylife

 

 

 

 

Again

I didn’t take the Readiness test today either.  More TV with the wife.  Shouldn’t try to get anything accomplished on the weekends. It’s all good, there is always tomorrow.

But I have been thinking… About my major.  I am set to major in Information Technologies- Network Administration as of now.  Teresa, however, has stated that the odds of me getting a good job or rather decent pay in Des Moines even with a Degree and 8 certifications is pretty low.  So, I have been kicking around another idea.

OK, so anyone who knows me knows I want to be a doctor.  That’s never going to happen.  The biggest reason is that I have the shakes most of the time.  Not my bipolar.  Stupid lithium I took for 3 months totally messed me up.  Plus by the time I finished Med School I would be in my mid-late 50s, and doing residency at that age would kill me.

So comes dream #2.  Yeah, being a doctor would’ve been cool.  But what about being a teacher?  I think Mr. Campbell would be a great teacher.  The program at WGU is 5 years for a BA in Interdisciplinary Studies (K-8).  Yeah, I am not up for high school aged, but I think I would rock at 5th grade or so classroom.

I haven’t talked this out with Teresa.  She has agreed to let me go to school, but she isn’t happy about it.  And when I tried to talk to her about it, she said she didn’t want to get into it tonight.  So, I think it’s going to be ultimately up to me to decide.

Yes, I know that teachers make chump change for pay.  But the benefits at the Des Moines School district kinda rock.  And I would feel that I would be a productive member of society again.  And I can totally mess with young kids minds… no serious, help mold young kids into upstanding youths.

WGU works to help students set up their student teaching, they say within 2 hours or so drive from where the student is located.  I would guess for me it’d be more like 45 minutes or so, the drive into Des Moines.  I am sure there are teachers in Des Moines that would just love to have a student teacher for a few weeks.

Then when I graduate, I would have credentials to teach in Utah.   A couple tests later, I would have my license in Iowa.

I like this idea.  I don’t care about the money, really I don’t.  But I really need to talk to Teresa about it.  It would mean 5 years in school instead of 3 or 4.   More student loan debt.  But it would pretty much guarantee me a job anywhere she might want to move.  Everywhere needs teachers it seems.

So, It’s either a job which may or may not be BORING and pays 45k ish to start.  Or a teaching gig which I doubt is ever BORING (except grading papers would get BORING I think) which pays 36k ish (in Des Moines, starting).  I think not being bored would win out.

So I pose this question to my teacher and ex-teacher friends and family….  Do you think that Jeff Campbell would make a good teacher?

 

teacher